Graveyard Of Words ::Completed::
We all come to write
about our sorrows, news, and plights.
But when things go well, we turn away
focusing on happiness, not wanting to stay.
When rainclouds come, we all turn back
to our graveyard of words, since what we lack
is that happiness and assurance in our lives,
trying to find what it is everyone strives
to achieve in this life. But what of
our emotions? Jealousy, sadness, love?
Reality and tales of fancy are things that tear
us up inside. So how do we bear?
In this graveyard of words, we release
our worries of reality, our wishes, our pleas.
So no one in this life can ever regale
that their neighbor, friend, lover, isn’t living in a fairy tale . . .
Like the poem. RYN~~I’d love to learn chess! But how do you do that over the internet?
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I like your poem….. 🙂 Its not that I couldnt find aim.. its that whatever virus blocker we have wont let us download it?? Or at least thats what my husband said… I am totally computer retarded.. so he was helping me.. but our scanner wouldnt let us have it on computer 🙁 Thanks for all your notes.. its not harsh.. its honest.. and thats what I value most… I would rather ppl tell me
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the truth than baby me … and say everything is going to be okay 🙂 I know you are trying to help.. and being honest about it is the best way to help… Its just going to take a lot of time to forgive myself… I KNOW it wasnt my fault.. but I think if I would have made better choices.. he wouldnt have been in the situation he was in… He transferred schools bc of me… he couldnt even stand
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having a CHANCE running into me… I hurt him… that is why I am so upset…. because I really did love him… and I HURT him… I dont think I could ever forgive myself for that.. Thanks for being so HONEST with me… and caring enough to keep up with my emotional drama….. 😀
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I really love this…but it seems a little unfinished? Maybe because of the comma at the end 🙂
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You actually do a really good job of not forcing the rhyming too much. There are a couple places where it’s uncomfortable and obvious, like away and stay in the third and fourth lines. In contemporary poetry, it’s both more natural and more impressive to rhyme internally and seemingly unintentionally. For example, I would like to read the first stanza as:
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Sorry, second stanza: When rainclouds come, we all turn back to our graveyard of words, since what we lack is that happiness and assurance in our lives, Also, I’m not sure the word “that” in the third line helps the poem, I’m not sure what “that happiness” is, so maybe just “happiness” and in the second line of the poem, consider taking out “about” i.e. We all come to write our sorrow..
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It may seem like I tore this poem apart, but I did enjoy it, the things I pointed out are techincal parts of writing poetry that can really take it to the next level. (My major in college was creative writing: poetry.) One thing you can do is try to clean up all the small, space filling words, like “about” and “that” in the cases I pointed out. Choosing to rhyme is okay, but be careful that. . .
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the rhyming doesn’t appear forced. “Hiding” the rhymes inside the lines will help that. Also, something that I try to do for my poems is consider the meaning of each line alone, as well as in the poem. For me, the easiest way to do this is to consider each line I write as the first line of a different poem, if it could work, I leave it as is. I don’t spend a lot of time on this, but it can help.
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Wow you write quite well i will be sure to look at more of these for sure!
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