Gimme Some Truth

Okay, I’ve decided to.  I hate having a favorites only entry in here, but I don’t want this for everyone’s eyes since it’s about one specific person.

Melanie, I want to tell you the truth about things I’ve been thinking and discovering and all that over the past few months.  All I ask is that if you do want to say something negative about anything I’ve written in here, please, take some time before you write anything and think about what I’ve said and what you truly want to say.  I know we’ve both grown up a great deal since that last argument of ours, but the fact still remains that we both have hot tempers.  I don’t want those tempers to interfere this time.

Chris Lanzetti: Mel was constantly telling me how much she despised you for being "a punk" and ditching on plans you made with her.
Phil and Kim McEathron: I was constantly being told to lose the 2 of you. That I was better off without you, and you are losers.
Andrea Andosca: Refer to Chris Lanzetti above.
I’m not sure if she is again speaking with…
Rob Donnelly: You were according to her, a punk, a loser, and a fat ass. She was unsure of why I didn’t like you…Here goes. You are a disrespectful shit. Any man that punches a woman in the mouth deserves to get his ass beat. The only reason I didn’t, is because she asked me not to.
Megan…Robs current girlfriend: "She is ugly…she looks like a really ugly man!" That is a direct quote from Melanie Ann Gaughran.

I’m sure you recognize this.  It’s, of course, what Ken wrote in Lee’s diary about what you’ve said about different people that you’ve known.  I’m sorry for any pain it brings to read this again.  But we hung out pretty often after everything in March concerning them.  I’m glad we did.  I definitely liked spending time with you and hanging at Court Jester and all that.  But one thing I couldn’t stand was that when you would bring up this entry, you always insisted that the only things on here that were true were the things you said about Kim and Phil.  Then you’d add that those things were warranted, because of what Kim did to you.

I don’t argue that anything you said about Kim/Phil was warranted.  I mean, her actions were despicable and from what I’ve heard, Phil’s not much better.  And how could you be expected to say anything else but that Ken should lose them after what happened?  I don’t believe that you would say something like that beforehand, simply because of how close you and Kim were.

Yet on the same token, you’ve said to me on other occasions that you despised Chris for being a punk or for breaking plans, (though you call everyone a punk, so I don’t consider that some horrible insult.)  But you would talk about how much his actions hurt you and how you hated that he turned into such an unreliable person.  Your own diary entries are proof of that.

Andrea, at least once when we hung out, you were supposed to hang out with her afterwards.  She’d broken plans with you and I distinctly remember the word punk escaping your lips.  🙂

Rob, I know that you weren’t speaking too fondly of him for a long time, though I remember anything specific you said.  Same with Megan.  You never spoke fondly of her until that one night after bowling, because you always believed she hated you and that you were trying to take Rob away from her.

Perhaps I’m just reading the surface message of what he wrote and there’s a more malicious meaning behind him writing all that, but just from the surface, those were things, or at least similar things, that you’ve said about those different people.  I guess the main point I’m trying to make is that, yes, I do believe that you said those things.  Yet I don’t believe that it makes you two-faced, because I also don’t doubt that you’ve said that these people were punks, or unreliable, or whatever, directly to them.

In addition . . .  I believe that you’ll understand this because in a similar way, you’ve done the same thing.  I knew about the things you’ve told me about Jill before you mentioned them to me.  I told you last time we hung out that she’d given me her livejournal address a long time ago, when she took her original opendiary to private temporarily.  Well, I never took her livejournal off my favorites list on AOL.  I’ve looked at it since that last exchange she and I had where I realized she’d blocked my screen name and all that.  And during the end of May and begining of June, when she was going all "I’m so depressed, but I’m not telling anyone why, cuz no one could possibly understand," I decided to check out Andrew’s OD to see if he’d written anything that wasn’t some cryptic BS.  And I wasn’t disappointed.  He wrote about them breaking up, him not knowing why, and then Jill writing him an E-mail "explaining things."  When I went back a few days later, he wrote abut them not quite getting back together, that they were allowed to see other people, but that there were "rules."  (Which, I’m sorry, I found absurd, unfair, and stupid.)  Then I read about him saying that he’d broken up with her after they fully got back together, because he found out she cheated on him.

Then, we hung out that one night and you told me about Jill driving you crazy.  I already knew basically what was going on, but I played dumb, half-because I figured you needed to talk about this to a fairly impartial party, and half-because I wanted to see if what Andrew wrote was true and if the deductions I’d made were correct.

I also knew about what you told me the last time we hung out.  Because I happened to check out your live journal, (sometimes I look at it after going to mine, cuz even though I haven’t updated in forever, I do still have one.)  Anyway, I was looking at your front page and disocvered Jill’s new one, that she undoubtedly doesn’t want Andrew to see.  So, yeah, I’d already guessed what you told me Sunday.  I didn’t know what she’d said to you were her reasons and all, but still.

I’ve hid it because . . .  I don’t know.  Maybe I thought people would think less of me if they knew I was a lurker on someone’s diary that I don’t even talk to anymore.  Somehow, though . . . it’s satisfying.  Just to look at the things she writes and know that I was right.  That they wouldn’t last, that she should have listened to the other people around her, and that I was right on my guess.  Andrew was using her as a crutch.  He got worse and worse as time went on when they were together.  Yet, now that they’re apart, look at that, he’s able to leave his house.  Maybe because his CRUTCH is gone?

I suppose I feel vindicated that all this is happening to them and that they laid it out to happen to them, when they got so mad at me for thinking that ‘you know what?  Things aren’t going well and you need to make some changes if you want to last as a couple.’  I was trying to help her last in a relationship that I’d failed in, because I saw the irection she was going.  I didn’t think she’d o anything as drastic and stupid as in July, but I knew that relationship wouldn’t last, I tried to help, an

d it was thrown back in my face.

I do feel that you’ll understand because even if the reasons are nowhere near the same, you’re still at least an occasional lurker on Lee’s diary.

Well, here it is.  The truth about you.  Like I said, any negative remarks, I’ll deal with if I get them.  Just please think over anything you want to say.