Getting This Out, Once And For All

I don’t know why, but I was thinking about the whole thing with Jill last night.  It isn’t that she decided that for whatever reason, we apparently weren’t friends anymore that pisses me off.  It’s that apparently, she had no intention of telling me this until I sent that one E-mail that basically had a tone of, "Okay, what the freakin’ heck?"  It’s that she claims to be leaving open diary, then makes a favorites only that I’m excluded from.  It’s that she doesn’t have the decency to tell me that she’s blocked me on IM.

It just pisses me off, because I never did anything but be a friend to her.  Maybe I gave advice or comments when she didn’t want them, but you know what?  That’s life.  That’s friendship.  I don’t alays like what I hear from other people, but am I gonna stop being frineds with them just because they open their mouths and comment on a situation?  No!  Hell, sometimes it gives me a perspective I didn’t see before.

But no.  Apparently comments on her situations, especially comments that are disagreeable with her decision, automatically mean that the person isn’t worth seeing as a friend.  That apparently, all must be happy and rejoice in her decisions, all must hail what she has decided to do for herself!  No.  Friendship doesn’t work that way.

But then, of course, I probably wasn’t a friend of hers for about a month before I realized it.  I mean, what?  Was I just supposed to go away?  Drift into the background?  Was it just that if I didn’t see her on, and couldn’t read the diary that she ended anymore, that she wouldn’t have to deal with me?

I freely admit, she wasn’t much of a friend to mein the first place.  I did try to be one to her.  How much I succeeded . . .  Well, she apparently doesn’t think I succeeded, at any rate.  I mean, we saw one another, you know, actually hung out, about three times in almost five years.  All the parties that I threw she skipped out on, even though most of them she said she’d be there.  Mike’s twentieth, I told her about it in August, and she assured me she’d be there.  I kept her up to date on the date and times for it, figured, ‘okay, this’ll be different, she’s not gonna skip out on me,’ asked her if she could be the one to drive Mike abck to my house and when she agreed, I figured things were set.  Then the day of, no less, claims, "Oh, I have to go to church with my mom."  That is the weakest Goddamn excuse if I’ve ever heard one.  Now, maybe if I’d told her about it a week beforehand, and she forgot that she nad her mom already had plans, then I could believe it.  But I informed her initally in August.  Mike’s birthday is in March.

In some ways, though, I’m glad I’m not talking to her.  I mean, what did I lose?  Not much, friendship-wise.  Soemone who skips out on parties, any party, no matter how mny times she insists she’ll be there.  And other than that, basically, an immature idiot who has no reason to have the trust issues that she does, because she’s never actually been betrayed.  Oh, yeah.  Except by at least one person in middle school who she still sees as "one of her best friends."

I mean, I won’t name specifics here, simply because I don’t want to go off on the different reasons that said people have to not trust, but I know people, and am one myself, who have reasons not to trust others.  They, and I, have reason to wonder if someone’s intentions are less than admirable.  And that’s either been because of parents, other students, "friends," back-stabbers, "boyfriends," etc.

Now, let’s see.  Judging from the things she wrote in her other diary, or that she said over IM/E-mail, her parents never argue with one another, before Andrew, she never had a real boyfriend, and the friends who did most of the backstabbing?  She’s still friends with them.

And another thing I find ironic?  She claims that she needs to go out and see more people, have more female friends.  Yet for some reason, I’m discarded.  ::Looks at chest::  Um, HELLO???  I’m undeniably female, here!!!

Not to mention that I hate that Mike’s apparently gotten the cold shoulder, too.  I mean, she claimed over the summer she was gonna "reconnect with all the old high school friends."  Well, Mike was a friend of hers in high school, too.  Or was that just conveniently forgotten?  Because he was never communicated with to hang out.

I admit, I didn’t lose much.  As a matter of fact, I probably lost more headache than anything else.  Cuz frankly, I got tired of reading about her little dramas of new conflicts popping up with Andrew simply because she doesn’t have a spine and he refuses to do anything about his problems.  With her, it’s always, "Oh, you don’t understand, you couldn’t possibly understand," and him, it’s always, "It’s everyone’s fault but mine."  Frankly, I predict that they won’t last much more than another year.  If he doesn’t grow up and realize that he has to take responsibility for his actions and solve his own problems instead of ignoring them and hoping they’ll go away, and she doesn’t stop being so petty about things and realize that she has no reason to have "trust issues," then how will they survive?

Yeah, I could be proven wrong.  But I don’t think I will be.  Then again, not like I’ll know one way or the other.

Okay, I think I’ve gotten this out.  I don’t mean to offend anyone by association.  If I have, I’m sorry.  That’s why this entry is favorites only.  Not that I think it’s very likely, but I wouldn’t want either of them reading this, and getting jumped on for writing an opinion that they can’t deal with me having.