Free Love

     I was thinking back to a letter that I got from Dolly years ago. She talked in it about a free love philosophy. That you should love as many people in as many different ways as possible. Romantically, friendship-wise, however. I’ve been thinking a lot about that philosophy and realized that in so many ways, I live by it.

     I’ve always had a heart that wanted to let in as many people as I could, because I wanted friends and wanted people in my life to care about. And there are three people I know, ironically all guys, who I can honestly say “I love you,” to, and not mean it romantically.

     Jason, Ryan, and Mike. They’re the three closest people to my heart. They’ve gotten in, and nothing whatsoever is going to take them out. I’m glad that the three of the are so relatively close to me, distance-wise. Ryan is still at his house, commuting to college, Jason’s in another part of the state, but still an easy drive, and Mike lives with myself and my family. It worries me, the thought of Ryan moving to the mid-west. The thought of any of the three of them leaving worries me. I already lost one best friend because of distance. It scares me that I might lose another. Ryan insists I won’t lose him, but let’s face it, he can’t know. We never know what’s gonna happen in the future. It scares me so much to think of not having them in my life.

     Maybe I’m more like those characters of quiet strength and dignity than I thought. They hold on to their convictions, fight for what they know in their hearts to be right, and stay by their friends, no matter what the situations.

     As I’m sure Jason would say, I’ve stuck by him through a WHOLE LOT. And I don’t intend to stop anytime soon.

     I’ve realized something . . . I guess that’s a bit odd. I never really thought about it before, until after going up to Kean. I’ve always had a wall of defense up, around people. Especially people that I didn’t know. You know, a protection sort of thing, since especially after awhile, I didn’t know who would betray me, abandon me, etc., or not. But anyway, lately, I’ve come to realize that that wall of defense isn’t there anymore. Unless I have a reason to guard myself around a person, I don’t have that wall up, because I don’t have to.

     Okay, I think I’m done babbling here. I’m gonna check out other diaries.

Bye. J J J

–Notes–

That is a really heartfelt entry 😉 [SolarEclipse]