Dolly,

Okay, I found the notebook that this letter was written in, so I’m retyping it over in here. I hope it doesn’t piss you off, but I need to say this. Lying isn’t always the best thing. I hope that you’ll take this as what it is: fact, and then the opinion of a worried friend. I did listen to your entry, as much as one can listen to something online, and this is my two cents. It very much worries me, and in fact, scares me to see how much you seem to be giving up for Eric’s benefit. You write in your FOD (free open diary is what it stands for,) about him picking these frankly, petty, fights because you’re talking to another guy you see as a friend. You said how Eric told you he’d always been faithful to you, yet you told me aways back that he’d cheated on you in the first two months of your relationship. And even if that’s inaccurate, you wrote recently of how he admitted to have been having an internet affair. You’ve said that he’d gotten into debt using your name, so you’re the one who gets screwed over. You said how he was supposed to have paid off those debts and gotten his G.E.D. before he came down to live with you guys. Neither of which, you’ve informed me since, did he accomplish.

Okay, those are the facts. Here is my opinion and my worry for you. You talk in your diary of never feeling happy. Or rarely ever, anyway. How Bobby is the one bright spot in your life. How all Eric does is watch TV, curse, drink, or insult your family. That you can’t even talk to a guy online without him flying off the handle because why should you be talking to him? You’re married! Every one of those things absolutely sucks, and the worst of them is the last one. Eric, and the restrictions he seems to effortlessly be able to place on you.

I mean, in regards to the “Of Mice and Men” entry, why should you have to promise to close yourself off from any outside communication three days a week to spend time with someone who only complains, watches TV, or insults your family so callously? I mean, to quote Boromir, “Can’t you see, that is madness!” I understand that you say you love him, and that you don’t like yelling and fighting with people, especially if one of those people is your husband, but that doesn’t mean that you have to give in to his ridiculous demands.

Dolly, I’m afraid that Eric is emotionally abusing you. And it has to stop. His requests/demands that you focus all your attention on him are not only unfair, they’re insane! You have a life outside of him, and he has no right to not let you live it. The title of “husband” does not equate to “owner.” I worry about you. I don’t want you to turn into “that crazy lady” later on in life. I want you to enjoy your life as much as you can, and to be happy with the people in it.

I’m not automatically saying you should divorce Eric. If you’re intent on seeing things through with him, then, if you’re also serious about attending a church, see if the preacher/reverend/priest does counseling. If so, and you and Eric both agree to go, then go for it. If you think your marriage is worth saving, and can be even better than it was, go for it. Do everything you can. But take something else into account here. Knowing you, you’ll do, and have been doing, everything possible to shield Bobby from your fights with Eric, but you can’t do it forever. He’s going to see you fighting sometime, if he hasn’t already. And it’s going to affect him, more than likely in a bad way. Remember: yeah, divorce sucks. But a bad marriage, especially at the expense of a child, is a hell of a lot worse.

And while this may just be my paranioa going rampant, it’s not that big of a leap between emotional abuse and physical abuse. I remember how strong you aren’t, Dolly, and it scares me to even contemplate the idea of Eric getting so angry over whatever thing, that he winds up hitting you, or worse, you and Bobby. I know, you’re probably saying I’m nuts, that he’d never do that, and maybe you’re right. Like I said, I’m hopefully just paranoid. Maybe I’ve said all this badly, I don’t know. I hope I haven’t, and I’ve given you something to think on. Because I’m worried about your relationship with him. You shouldn’t feel the way you write about in those entries. Marriage isn’t supposed to be that way. I hope that this hasn’t pissed you off. I did what you were saying I did well as I read that last entry. I listened. Now, these are my two cents. I want to see you be happy with your life. And if that’s with Eric, then both of you need to work for it, if both of you want it. If it’s without him, the sooner it’s done, the better for both you and Bobby.

Bye. *~*

Kate.

P.S.–I miss the simpler days of “Killroy,” too.P.P.S.–In regards to you wanting to cut your hair, I can only look to a Halloween party of the past, when we’d both gotten short haircuts. “Who the Hell are you?” Lol.

–Notes–

*claps* Very eloquently stated 🙂 I hope Dolly can take some of your advice, and esp. that she doesn’t take offense to it. Well…off to class with me. I’ll note u again later 😉 [Jilliebean]
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Ryn: hi, thanks for the note 🙂 [Kind Help]
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*CLAP CLAP* You are a great friend and I hope Dolly will listen to your advice. [BeautifulDisaster]