::Beams:: I’m In Love . . .

There’s a quote I’ve seen that says, "No one is perfect until you fall in love with them."

I don’t know what else to say besides that.  I’m in love.  I denied it to myself for about three days before I told Drew I did love him on Thursday.

There’s so much I could say here.  Drew and I . . . we’re like kindred spirits or something.  I swear, the way we think is so identical.  Even our tempers are identical.  Or at least, how mine used to be.

A week ago, there was a stupid customer who was arguing with Drew over something or other with his order.  Drew lost his temper, and ended up overturning three of the computer monitors in the store, throwing the pizzas across the store that had been the guy’s order, and then going outside and punching the back and hood of his SUV.

That got to me.  Not because he scared me.  He didn’t.  Seeing him lose his temper and seeing a measure of destruction he can reign didn’t bother me in the least, despite the realization that he could snap me like a twig with very little effort.

And therein lies what did get to me.

You see, Drew wouldn’t turn his anger on a person.  He takes it out on inanimate objects.  Heck, he lost his temper again on Thursday because of his ex, and he was shutting me out, again.  (He did on Sunday night as well.)  When I asked him why, he said that he didn’t want to even verbally take out his anger at someone else on me.  I found that so sweet.  I told him flat out that I didn’t deserve to be shut out, but I do understand his reasoning.

Anyway.  Why Sunday horrified me.

Seeing him lose his temper like that, like I said, it was pretty much identical to how I would lose mine.  I was completely unapproachable.  I didn’t want to be near anyone, I wanted to be left alone, and I tended to throw things or slam things.  And it occured to me that for the first time in my life, I was on the outside, watching my own temper run it’s course.  Watching myself be shut out, knowing that I didn’t want to be because I care about him.  Seeing myself be told to leave him alone, but wanting to go after him anyway and throw my arms around him.

Realizing exactly how stupid I was for every single time I shut someone out when I was pissed off.  Realizing exactly how much it should have meant to me that someone was willing to stick around even when I was so incredibly pissed at them.

::Sighs::  It was an incredibly painful eye-opener.  I basically re-lived every time I got pissed off at Mike, and how, after awhile, I took my anger out on him physically.  God, it killed me to go through that again.  Yeah.  Not fun . . .

I did love one thing.  This last Friday, the Halloween store near the Domino’s opened up.  Well, I opened on Friday, so I was able to get out around eight, and I went over there to check out if they had a Superman costume, cuz that’s what Drew’s dressing up as this year.  Well, they not only had a perfect Superman outfit, they had the perfect shoes for Elphaba, the witch of the West, which is what I’m gonna do this year.  Well, I got the Superman costume and went back to the store, where Drew tried on the entire thing.

My God, he looked sexy in it!  Lol, and after I left, I texted that to him, and he sends back, "Ok, right."  So I answered, "Would I lie to you?"  He writes back something like, ‘I don’t know, would you to make me feel good?’  I can’t remember exactly what I said, but it was something about how I wasn’t going to lie to him just to stroke his ego, I value honesty too much, and I did mean what I said.

Lol, I love how we get sometimes.  I gotta explain a quick something before I tell this, though.  A) I’ve said since the first time I saw him that Drew looks like Leo McKern.

  Okay, so these are a whole bunch of images of Leo McKern from Help, the second Beatles movie.  No, it’s not like they’re twins, but there is definitely a resemblance.

B) His spelling is horrendous.  And since I’m in school to be an English teacher, I’m a self-admitted grammar Nazi.

So, usually after I’ve said something about his particularly horrible mauling of a word, he calls me a grammar Nazi, and I retaliate by saying Klang, and it goes back and forth for a bit.

Tonight was nice.  We were going through that little exchange when I was sitting on a footstool in the office, and he comes into the office and stands behind me and starts . . . I don’t even know how to describe it, he was rubbing my neck, but not quite rubbing.  Like, it wasn’t a maasage kind of touch, he was just running his fingers over my skin in this really nice way.  Like I said, I can’t even describe it, except to say that my God, it felt incredible!

I love him.