531 – Gotta Love The Cynicism . . .

For Good
From:
Wicked

GLINDA

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you…

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

ELPHABA

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you…

I’ve gotta wonder why I can help other people snap out of funks, depressions, etc., but I can’t do it with myself.  Or, rather, don’t do it with myself.  I know that cynical entry was . . . I don’t know.  It shouldn’t be me.  I shouldn’t sound like that.  But I can’t help but look around and think that on so many things, people are content to look the other way.  No one wants to stand up and take action, because being submissive, or ignoring the situation entirely is a better route.

But it’s not a better route.  It’s a dangerous route, because it means that you’ll be walked over your entire life, no matter what you try to protest.  ::Sighs::  I hate it.  I hate people insisting that they won’t get involved, it’s not their place, or telling me to stay out when all I want to do is help.  Either that, or hearing about i afterwards, and basically talking to me as if I’m this . . . idealistic, but completely irrational person who has no concept of “the way of things.”  I mean, do it ever occur to anyone that maybe things SHOULDN’T be this way?  That “the way of things” is wrong?  That we should fight against it, band together, and help one another as best we can?

But that would have us coming out of our shells.  Admitting that we’re not the center of the universe.  And especially with some people, I honestly think that that’s too much to expect.  Some people just don’t know how to look beyond themselves.  They aren’t able to see any pain on anyone’s faces but their own, because of course! who could understand their pain?  Who could have ever felt this way?  It’s a completely new feeling, no one has ever felt that way!  ::Snorts in derision::

Love . . . didn’t turn out the way I imagined.  Nothing in a relationship turned out the way I expected.  Not with Mike, certainly not with Will . . .  not with Jason, when I thought there was the possibility of that somehow coming true.

I know that there are times when I try to go back to the uncertainty that I had in high school.  One of my mottos back then, during my junior and senior years was, “I don’t know what to do.  There are two of us and a hundred of them.  What can we do?”  Because back then, I honestly didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t know how to deal with people.  I’d never had so many people around me that I could honestly call friends before.

But now, I find that I do know what to do.  Or at least, have a better grasp at good methods than I did.  There are always other people’s reactions to take into account, but at least I’ll know that I’ve done what I could.  That if they have an immature reaction, or a bad one, or a denyng one, it’s not because of me, it’s because of something within them.

The problem with knowing what to do is simple.  I do know.  I can’t feign confusion just so I don’t have to face a situation.  Because eventually, I have to face it whether I’m ready to or not.  So it’s better to take control of things and do them when you can, rather than waiting until it’s sprung on you.

::Sighs::  I guess all in all, I’m not so much cynical as I am . . . wishing.  Wishing that this world was just that little bit more idealistic.  Because maybe if it was, we’d be more willing to help out one another, and such closed off people as I’ve met . . . wouldn’t be that way.

They shouldn’t be that way . . .