4/17/04
I’m sitting here in the dining room trying in vain to think of something to write, just because I have words jumbled around in my head, but don’t know how to get them out. I want to write on a bunch of things. Some things I’m thinking about Phil, things about Fellowship of the Ring, about all three movies compared to the books in general, but I don’t know how to get it all out of my head. I wonder if Phil saw all three movies? I wonder what he thought of them? I wonder what Keri’s thinking right now? I wonder, has she slept, eaten, cried, screamed since she found out? What does her grief do to her? Does she feel it immediately, like I do, or does she go numb, and it festers, until something happens and it consumes her? I know, these are horrible thoughts, but I can’t help it. They’re what’s going on in my head. I can’t stand that people get persecuted for what they say at times. I don’t believe that anyone can be honest 100 percent of the time, because people just aren’t able to deal with that. If you honestly said what came to your mind, right off, first thing, that is an honest answer. Yet, how many times is someone hurt if that’s done? I mean, for instance, “Hey, what do you think of this dress?” You think, ‘You look like something a psychedelic cow puked up.’ But you say, “It’s a bit bright. Maybe try that solid color one over there?” Or something like that. But you get the idea. In truth, sometimes I think the only way to get an honest reaction out of someone is when they’re pissed off. Because that way, they don’t really care if they hurt someone or not. But then there’s the problem of, “Are they actually meaning this, or are they saying it to hurt me cuz they’re really, really pissed?”
I’ve noticed a difference in how a lot of people view honesty. Two main approaches come to mind. Melanie’s, and, because I either cant think of, or dont want to mention, a person who does this, I’ll just say, ‘the sugar-coat method.’ Melanie says, “I’m sorry if this offends you, but you’re being a jackass, so knock it off.” The sugar-coater says, “Look, um, you’re kind of not really being nice. Could you, maybe, stop it?”
Okay, those are extremes of both, but you get the idea. I’m not sure which one I am. I think I’m closer to Melanie’s way, because I’ve gotten to the point where I just can’t stand sugar coating. I hate crypticism, I hate vagueness, I hate when someone can’t take what they should be able to, so I like having the open, honest, direct approach. Can I be cryptic? Yeah. Can I sugarcoat things? Probably. Can I be vague? Definitely. Do I want to be? Not really. On any of the three. I think I’ve grown to hate crypticism the most, though. Because you know what I’ve found crypticism to be for the most part? Someone talking, and letting them think they’re giving away all of this stuff about themselves, yet when you look back, you’ve learned nothing, and they still have the upper hand, because they’re learning exponentially about you.
Okay, that was my rant for tonight. Yeah, I’m cutting it short, but oh, well. I want to find some old tapes . . .
–Notes–
Hm, I have a strange feeling I’m a sugar-coater. I wish I could be blunter (if that is a word). OK 2 questions. 1: does Raritan have a 5-year reunion? 2: wanna plan a trip to the lake once the life guards are on duty agin? I rode past it yesterday and thought wow, I’d love to go swimming really soon. [Jill*Rose]
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As long as you’re true to yourself and what you believe, then you are being truly honest. Do not believe your thoughts are horrible, just do not let them consume you. [Angel Knight]
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*applauds* and what a very nice rant it was. 🙂 RYN: lol. well… the two people who kill me the most used to read my diary every day… then they got wrapped up in eachother and neither reads it anymore. lol. they know how to get there. all they have to do is care enough to try . 🙂 [Malloren]
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No, I DIDN’T GET AN I LOVE YOU TOO from him! I said, “it’s not like I EXPECTED an I love you too from him.” What I got was, “In a way I’ve never stopped falling in love with you…but in a way I’ve also moved on….” [HyacatDuncan]
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I answered the Angel Knight question, in case you were wondering. I thought the question referred to Chronicles of Life (the name of my diary). 😉 See you around! [Angel Knight]