3/19/04

Kate,

You know the reason things are so frustrating for you, don’t you? You look towards other people for happiness, when you should be looking to yourself. You wonder where these people are for you, since you know you have been, or would be there, for them. But why look to someone else? So you don’t want to be alone. So what if you are, though? It’s not the end of the world.

I know you don’t understand why some people find there soulmates immediately, or why some go half their lives with the wrong person, or why some never find the person they’re meant to be with, yet you feel like you’ve found yours, but any and all emotion is purely one-sided. I know it’s frustrating. I know it drives you crazy. I know you seek answers that you feel you never get. You want people to know you’ve changed. That’s why you wanted to know people’s opinions of you. Even though no one you know knows what you were like in middle school, you’re still afraid. But realistically, not even Dolly knows, because she wasn’t there. She heard your side of things, but she didn’t know.

If you’re not like that anymore, then why are you afraid of people thinking you are, if they don’t know who that ‘you’ was? So maybe people would have been screwed over, or you would have been screwed over, if they knew you then. So what? That’s in the past, and you aren’t that person anymore. You’ve definitely atoned for what you did. Okay, you apologized, and he hopefully knew you meant it. See? Now you got me getting insecure! And that’s not something either of us needs! Look, I’m the secure one, and you’re going to become more like me. It’s like drinking milk, or eating your vegetables. You might not like it, but it’s good for you.

Now. In regards to Jason. You know, you sure know how to pick ’em, don’t you? Geez. I’m almost at a loss for words as far as he goes. But almost only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades. I know you’re sick of being patient with him. Believe me, I’m almost there, too. Bear it out, Kate. Because he’s probably the most frustrating, aggravating, exasperating, annoying, cryptic person to ever walk into your life… But he’s probably also the best friend you’ll ever have. You know he’ll stand up for you, you know he has, you know that you mean a great deal to him. So he refuses to answer questions 90% of the time– So what? You know that you can speculate, and you know what? Maybe showing him a sense of arrogance in your answers from your speculations would serve him right. And let’s face it. You know Jason is one category where, I’m sorry, you’re definitely alone. You’re the only one who truly understands anything deep enough about him to even guess at these things. Just be confident in you guesses, and write them somewhere private. You know he won’t remember later, but you will. Maybe you’ll always wonder, but at least it’ll be the wonder of speculation, instead of annoyance over not getting answers, and going through feeling like this week after week. It’s not worth it. Yes, you should get answers, especially to such simple yes or no questions, but until he feels the same way, just go on as best you can. You know your questions won’t endanger your friendship, but they might endanger something else. What, I can’t say, but be careful. I guess that’s all I can say for tonight. I’ll write more later on.

Bye, Kait.

–Notes–

BrownEy333 is on AOL and nornna2004 is on yahoo. but i’m off to bed now. been a long day. just send me an e-mail at nornna2004@yahoo.com. or an offline message on my yahoo account. [nornna2004]