What if?

I don’t want to share my feelings with other people because I am not ready for them to accept it. Because I have not accepted them yet. How can I be okay with them knowing what I feel when I don’t even want to know what I feel?

My mind keeps going back to what it would be like if I was working now. It’s so exhausting trying to convince myself that this is what’s good for me. Maybe everything is just very simple and I don’t want to be here. Or maybe it’s very complex and I actually want to give this a go but I’m just not able to commit because I don’t want to be carried away by something that might have serious repercussions. Like I study acting, go into the business and my life becomes this whole ball of stress and I roll around the streets and the air and I don’t even enjoy what I’m doing but I keep telling myself that it’s okay.

And a part of me is just saying “STOP. Stop thinking about what would be best for you right now and just do what you are responsible for right now. You’ll realize if you want it or not if you just do this”. But that’s the thing, I can’t focus because of the first voice. That voice that tells me everything i’m doing right now is wrong and i’m on the wrong path and I’ll have an unhappy life if I continue to go on like this”. I guess it’s right. I will have an unhappy life if I keep this attitude. I need a change of attitude in order to enjoy my life. Or something different. I don’t know. I will really try the routine. I’ve failed in the past.

I need to get out of this fixed mindset if I want to enjoy what i’m doing. I need a growth mindset.