03/05/2024

Feelings lately.

It’s been so long since I wrote here…

So lately things have been going better, mostly in the way that I feel. I won’t say things are going that much better at work because it’s still much the same but the way that I am dealing with it seems better.

On Monday, last week when I got to work, I really wasn’t feeling well. Thankfully there was a mobile clinic at work, so I have them check me out. Blood pressure was ok, sugar was sky high, heart rate was sky high. I felt like I wanted to pass out all the time. I left and went home. Think I slept about 16 hours in total when I got home.

I went to see my GP on Tuesday and explained everything that has been happening in terms of work and stress and she put me on a “booster” drug to help my current antidepressant work better or something like that. It started working by Thursday and was feeling better.

I also visited Ilana for an urgent session, and she did some DBRT (or whatever it is called) on me around “cockhead” and how his presence affects me, and wow, it worked so well, I hardly feel any intimidation or anxiety where he is concerned.

Work is still work though and I still don’t like this place very much…it seems very unethical, and cockhead still doesn’t treat me well. I mean just this morning he was called about a client of mine and doesn’t even tell me what was said. If I hadn’t overheard the call, I wouldn’t have known. On Tuesday week he took my admin assistant away from me and didn’t tell me until an hour before she left to go home. He does this on purpose to set me up for failure. As I mentioned before he throws me under the bus all the time. He is very calculating or dumber than sea-snail shit at the bottom of the ocean. I really don’t know, but I guess that’s how narcissist work…you just never know with them. At least I don’t feel the anxiety I was feeling. And my heart is calming down but my sugar is still all over the place.

All things at home are fine, it’s the only place I am every at peace…just me and the cat…or should I say my son. Such a blessing he is. Just not coping financially but not much I can do about that. There’s never really any legitimate side hustles. Still have to make a decision about selling up and moving closer to work and staying with Mom but seriously not in a space to make that decision yet.

At least its weekend and I can chill a bit. Don’t really have money to do my favourite and go sit somewhere and have a coffee in the peace of nature. But will make the most of the weekend.