Four Years

For four years I’ve been an adult orphan. My mothers husband left her when she was diagnosed with cancer (6 years ago), and my abusive disgusting excuse for a brother moved out of the country a few months later.

I never thought of it as a negative on my part. I loved spending g time with my mother and figured it’s their loss. She was abused, though by her husband of four yeats while she was undergoing multiple surgeries due to cancer.

I never knew of the abuse (bc my mom knew I would claw that guys eyes out with my bare hands) until it was too late. He caused her to have an infection by hurting her, thus preventing her from having life saving surgery until she had healed from his torture.

I struggle everyday to simply get out of bed . I have no family in this country. I have developed what I believe to be agoraphobia.  I have been prescribed soo many meds that I dont want to take and to make matters worse, my “friends” (who I no longer associate with) even asked me for my meds. I’m disgusted by the human race.

Just one example of my former work environment and why I left…. the owner ( of a very popular chain of restaurants) came in one day and I’d always had very long hair….until my Mom had radiation to her brain and lost her hair.

I’d been working for the same company for four years at the time. The owner walked in one day and said “what the hell happened to your hair?” I had shaved it and explained it was bc I donated it to a children’s cancer foundation bc my mom lost her hair. He proceeded to say ” Hows your Mom doing?” I said ” She died several months ago.”

And WITHOUT EVEN A BREATH TO PAUSE he very rudely said “Well why are you still shaving your head?”

Several of my coworkers heard all of this and comforted me after he left, and my managers even agreed to not make me come to company meetings anymore bc of his behavior towards me. I was later fired without reason bc I was the only female employee without an infant. My managers even acknowledged that this was BS bc I was a great employee and he needed a scapegoat bc a girl the owner was sleeping with got fired without his knowledge (who I never even met).

Since then I’ve felt alone. The people who I thought were my friends have vanished. It’s hard enough to deal with a huge loss of a parent, but to then lose everything you knew for so many years for NO REASON was a shattering blow.

I’ve tried finding support groups, but I live in a small town. And I’ve  told my boyfriend if I dont get out of here I will die here. I am already dying here.

The only time any of my “friends” call it’s always followed by…” hey can you do me a favor?”. NO!!!!! Ia struggling so much a.d you want me to drive 45 minutes away to pick you up a pizza bc you lost your license bc you’re a drunk lowlife?!?!? (Also why I isolate myself). I just feel constantly used by people so I just turn off my phone or make excuses. Geez. I guess I really am a mess.