married.

I’m ready now.

I’m ready to talk about the beautiful wonderful day full of love that happened one month ago yesterday.

Our wedding could not have been more lovely and wonderful.  I can’t begin to explain how gorgeously warm and blessed I felt all day.  And how utterly normal everything felt at the same time.  This was it.  This was where I was supposed to be.  So normal.

I’ve been waiting for it to sink in that I really get to keep this beautiful man.  It sort of hit me 2 days ago.  I looked at him and started to laugh hysterically.  We really got married, didn’t we?  That’s hilarious!  Bless him.  He loves my weirdness.

I woke up alone in my bed.  In my beautiful heavenly bed blissfully tucked in and refreshed.  I had no trouble sleeping at all.  I think all the planning and worrying and stressing tuckered me out and as soon as my head hit that pillow I was deep asleep.  I woke up and lay there, wondering if I should feel differently.  I was mildly concerned about how at peace I was.  How calm.  No butterflies or nerves or excitement, even.  Just felt right.  Normal.

I realized I hadn’t written the list of people I would thank at the reception later that evening.  So I grabbed my phone and typed in some points.  About an hour I lay there, sort of savouring that this bed was all mine for this last time.  And looking forward to sharing it from this day forward.  Strange, that.

It’s an oddly nostalgic thing.  This wedding, which you’ve never had before, makes you remember.  You relive moments.  Whole childhoods are brought up, discussed, recalled and delighted in.  It’s beautiful, to live in those moments again.  And yet there is a part that is sad.  Sad to be leaving these moments to start a new kind of life.  And confusion at the sad part.  Funny, this melange of emotions.  And yet I felt so comfortable as well.  Comfortable in what was about to happen, and with whom.  Calm.  Certain.

I drove home.  To my parents home where I spent time growing up.  I sat in a chair and a man made my lion’s mane pretty.  I sat, calm and quiet, while I was sprayed, varnished, painted and brushed.  My family bustled about.  Chatting and laughing, singing and staring.  I tried to remember it all.

I went upstairs and called my mother to come do me up.  I was zipped into my beautiful gown.  She tied my bow perfectly, as she’s done a million times since I was born. 

God.  I’m getting misty.

I ran down the stairs and found my shoes.  I put my earrings on.  My sister did up my bustle.  She pretended like she knew how and tried not to let me hear or see her panicking behind me.  Then I got into a car and was on my way to meet my future husband. 

I walked up a hill where he stood, back toward me, and thought; These photos are never going to show the truth.  It’s a million degrees and it’s taking everything in him not to say "SCREW IT! I’M GOING INSIDE!  IT’S TOO HOT!"  and I thought how funny it was that these first look photos I’ve seen in a hundred blogs that look so romantic and touching are probably not nearly representative of the realness of weather.  Yes.  These were my thoughts as I climbed the hill toward him.  That and Holy crap I hope I don’t fall and get grass stains on this dress before the ceremony.  My mom will kill me.

We said hello.  He called me beautiful.  Then we broke and pleaded could we please go in the shade?

We took photos.  So many magazine-worthy photos.  Photos that leave me a little breathless because I can’t believe that’s us and I can’t believe how real they feel.  Because even though it was 40+ in that car, I felt so happy and utterly blessed in those moments that the serenity on my face is 100% accurate.  I treasure those frames.

We rode together back to my parents house.  He let me out and was brought to the church.  I went inside to get my father.  We had a wonderful beautiful father daughter moment in that time that I will treasure always but won’t share here.  I got all teary then.  My father is a sweet dear man.

We got into the car and arrived at the church.  We waited in the vestibule.  The music began.  I was filled instantly with this overwhelming gratitude.  The music was so incredibly beautiful and I had so much love for these musicians who worked so hard to make it everything I wanted that they exceeded even my expectations.  By worlds and worlds.  My only regret from that whole day was not having the ceremony filmed so I can listen to their beautiful music over and over.

Right after my sweet Caroline started her walk up the aisle I began to freak out.  So much for calm, I suppose.  Sometimes I manifest feelings in a way even I don’t understand and they’ll pop out all at once, unannounced.  I got myself under control and stopped the tears and my father and I began to walk.  What a wonderful place to be.  He was welling up.  I’ve never seen a person more proud.  It was gutting, truly.  And then we were at the front.  And he gave my hand to Keith and we faced the front and I thought I might laugh but I didn’t.  Such a funny place to be!

The ceremony was perfect.  Even when the priest forgot all about the ring part and we had to backtrack so we got our bling.  Every bit of it was perfection.  Every bit.  And standing at the front and looking out at all our friends and family smiling back at us and cheering after we’ve had our first kiss is a moment I will never forget.  I could actually feel the love from these people.  So many people loving that we are together.  It’s amazing.

When we walked back down the aisle I felt relief.  And anticipation at the fun to come.  So many wonderful people in one room can only spell fantastic times.  We made it outside the church and the car pulled up and everyone stood there, cameras in hand, snapping away.  I felt funny, like a movie star, only like laughing because it was so silly.  We finally pulled away and I kissed this wonderful man and we looked at our rings and smiled and smiled.  I took a photo and posted to facebook.  It’s amazing how many people were following our wedding updates.  So popular.  Haha!

Then came portraits, which I won’t get into because that was by far the worst part of the day.  No one likes them though.  It was like prom, only more annoying.  Wretched.

We finally wandered over to greet our guests.  That’s when it really hit me.  This love.  This utterly overwhelming outpouring of love from all these beautiful people.  They hugged, laughed, gushed, cried.  I’ve never experienced anything like the amazing hoarde of people converging on me as I entered that room.  It was beautiful.

When we were introduced to the room on our way to our seats I could have cried.  Everyone stood and cheered and I felt so full.

Dinner was delicious and speeches were fantastic.  I’m so grateful my father insisted on videotaping them all.  We relived them this past weekend and I laughed and cried and I’m still feeling fuzzy over them.

When we danced our first dance I was happy to be able to hold onto him for a few minutes.  It was so hot but I didn’t care.  This man.  This beautiful man who will be the father of my children and just the hairiest chested and baldest headed old man that I love so so so much.  Sometimes he does things when he thinks I’m not looking that make me melt and sometimes when I’m not looking he’ll sneak up on me and hug and kiss me so much I think my heart will explode.

We danced and chatted and drank and laughed the night away.  I had just the best time.

And now I’m a wife and I have a husband and a new last name.

Life can be so beautiful.