easy.

 I’m spending my afternoon in my office.  Reading, educating myself.  As gung ho as my business partner is, I think she lacks the focus and ability to narrow her mind to one or two great ideas.  We need to focus our offerings.  We need to really sort out who we want to be, and then go make it happen.

I had a long day yesterday.  We spent it at the Shenkman Arts Centre, working a booth for a photographer friend.  I use the term friend loosely.  Frankly, I’m not a huge fan of her work and she’s been rather rude as of late.  To be honest, I don’t care for her attitude.  But go we went.  Giving up a whole day in my week to work, unpaid.  If I sound bitter it’s because I am, a little.  Never you mind.  

So we spent the day selling the services of this woman.  And chatting.  So much chatting.

I left exhausted and in need of time to myself.  I’ll tell you one thing: as much as I dislike networking events, I hate tradeshows.  People knocking in to each other, waiting forever to talk to one person at a table… it’s chaos.  I didn’t mind so much being behind the table, away from the shoving crowd, though.  But not how I really want to spend Saturday.

I got home and sat down on my couch.  I had gone to the grocery store on the way back and spent more than I wanted to on food.  I couldn’t unpack just then.  I burst into tears.  I was just exhausted and irritated and all the week’s nonsense that had gathered under my skin came out of my eyes.  Keith was supposed to come over and I was looking forward to that, but he had just told me he had gone to his friend’s house after work – he’d be a while coming by.  And how was he to know that randomly today would be one of those where I really wanted him to be early?

I unpacked the groceries, poured myself a glass of wine and sat down to watch tv.  I made all the tiny hot dogs I had left in the freezer from Christmas entertaining and pouted by myself.  I ate almost all of them and drank another glass of wine.  God, he was taking forever to arrive.  I channelled all my irritation on him, then instantly felt bad about it because really, that wasn’t fair.  Then I got annoyed he was making me feel bad.  I laughed out loud because I could feel how nuts I was being.  

I dug through my bag, trying to find my emergency smokes.  Probably old and stale, but what do I know, anyway?  I found them and went downstairs and outside.  I knew this would be the moment I would see him walking across the parking lot.  Of course.  And there he was.  Staring at his shoes, shoulders hunched up in an effort to block out some of the cold that was everywhere.  He wasn’t wearing his hat.  It’s only occurring to me right now that he probably did that so it wouldn’t mess up his hair.  God he’s cute.

He got closer and looked up.  I’m not smoking, I called to him.  He smiled and walked right up to me.  So close he knew I’d throw it away.  It’s rude to smoke that close to someone who hates the smell.  Then what are you doing? he asked me with a coy smile.

Fuck!  How is it that face can melt away all the crazy girl feelings I was drowning in wine and tiny hot dogs?  I had a long day, I explained.  I went to walk past him toward the door.  He said Wait.  I turned and he caught me in a big hug that squeezed tears out of my eyes.  I’m doomed, I thought.

We went upstairs and sat on the couch, watched some tv.  He ordered some food for delivery.  We ordered a movie, pressed play.  He checked his phone for the time, so he could see if the delivery was late.  I saw a picture of me on the screen.  What’s that?  I asked.  He ad added a picture of me so that when I send him a text or call, it comes up on the screen.  Cute, I said.  He scrolled through his pictures and it stopped on a picture of something shiny in a small black box.  

"AH!" at the same time.  He put his phone, screen down, on his lap and I started to laugh hysterically.  I looked up at him and he looked so very disappointed.  "You weren’t supposed to see that."  "Well I know, dear."  I continued to laugh and he continued to look distressed.  He’s trying so so so hard to surprise me.  I’m trying so so so hard not to ask him about it every 7 seconds.  Then this!

I tried to press play but he was clearly upset.  I hugged him.  Always makes me feel better, why not him?  I told him it was ok since I knew he had it in his possession.  He looked at me, horrified and slightly suspicious.  No!  Not through detective work.  I’m just not stupid.  I know how long things take.  He nodded.  I pressed play and we looked at the screen.  It was about halfway through the movie before I actually saw any of the pictures that were playing.  

It’s one thing to know it’s coming.  But my stomach dropped to the floor when I saw that photo appear on his phone.  It’s real.  This.  Is.  Really.  Happening!