Teenagers trust

 

Ok so I have somehow mangaed to make friends with TOH’s teenage daughter ..

God knows how as everytime we see each other we are spatting.. I think she is a spoilt brat that gets everything she batts her eyes for , she thinks I am the meanest toughest witch of a step mum..

Last night TOH had to work late and it is our week to pick the kids from school ( grandmas after school actually) , so I offered to go get them ..

I picked up Den first so she could have the front seat.. and then down to G Ma’s.. Den is not allowed at G Ma’s as a few years ago (apparently) G Pa touched her boob. . No one has gone any further than not allowing her to go there .. G Pa was questioned by police and it went no further.. so I am told . Shrugs .. it has broken the family.

Anyway she sat in the front and said .. Can you give me some advice ? my friend just found out she is pregnant .. and does not know what to do .. she went to the Dr and had a test it was possitive so we went to countdown and got another one and that was possitive too .. she is 15 , the Dad is 18 and he wants to stick by her .. ( bare in mind these 15 year old girls think that they are in love after a 3 day relationship , that this young girl whose boyfriend is sticking with her has known she is pregnant for a nano second )

She does not believe in abortion .. ( I am not an advocate but you are 15 with parents that beat you , no education and no job )

What advice do you want ?

What should she do .. ?

She should go to the school councellors and talk to them or ring the teen help line or family planning.. what does she want to do ..?

She wants to keep it .. she is not going to kill her baby .. it has a heart beat now .. ( I know this all sounds wonderful  now , but I wanted to scream about 2 am feedings when all your mates are at parties and all the other gory parenthood stuff .. )

Ok .. did she not use protection ? was she not thinking ?

She is on the jab..

Condoms ?

No

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I was furious about the message not getting through ..

So what about you .. are you sleeping with H ? ( H and her broke up and she is smitten almost to the verge of stalking, so I know something is up and while we are on this train of thought locked in the car travelling at 100kms an hour she had no escape. )

I’m not sleeping with him ..

Oh not now you are broken up , but before ?

No .. (ashen faced, disgusted look)

But you have !!! I know you have ..

Ohh yeah we have .. how do you know ? ( well you just told me for starters , but my ploy worked..)

Ohhh I can tell .. body language changes .. you carry condoms in your wallet ( that was from a previous snoop trip when she was being a witch to her Dad about something else)

No I don’t ..

Well you used to even if you don’t now … ( ohh come on I saw them there 2 weeks ago)

did you use protection , you had the condoms?

No … I am on the pill .. I went on the pill when I started my period cos it helped with the migraines etc!!!

But what about disease? the pill doesn’t stop that ..

Ohhhh .. but I think he doesn’t have any …

Think !!! .. how many other girls has he had sex with without a condom , and how many guys had they slept with and so on and so forth ,, ewww, you may need to think about going to  get some tests to make sure you are safe..

Hmm yeah .. hey you wont tell Dad will you .. please don’t tell Dad .. and Mum doesn’t know either .. you are the only one apart from K ( the pregnant one)

Ohhh .. ( no promises made )  so Mum doesn’t know .. wow ,

Oh his Mum does cos we thought I was pregnant for a few hours and she went and bought a kit from the market and then I got my period ..  (WHAT!!! .. she is OK with this?)

ohhh and she is ok with this ??

Yeah cos she likes me .. ( Ohhh I was sick)

Ok well .. lucky for you you weren’t ..

******

Then the conversation took another path .. all about the first time , pain .. 2nd and 3rd also hurt .. that she was not pushed into it , that she wanted to , that she was the first girl to stay at his house , the first his Mum liked , all this stuff that sounded to me like .. Boys crap to get you to sleep with him .. lol you know they do that .. I said believe 10% of what boys tell you unless you see it with your own eyes , they lie and so do girls.

Anyway she seemed to be happy to chat to me about all sorts of things and it carried on all the way home.

Then she said .. ohh its so nice to have an adult to talk to about this stuff .. you know some one I can talk to if I don’t understand.

I smile and nod ..

This is a parents job .. to listen .. to share , to ease info out of the kids and then advise. .. They are both so busy fighting with one another about money , who owes who and who is having the kids when and picking up from where , that they have not listened to whats going on.

Did I tell you all that I spoke to the Mum a few weeks ago and I said whats all this stuff with the Boy H ?? she said Ohh that , they are just friends.. ( right then I thought how naieve, what are you thinking letting her stay there at his house .. )

They are just friends and cos it was school holidays they were able to spend lots of time together and now that they are back at school and can not stay over nights at each others house Den is getting mad .. thats why we are having these wee fights and stuff .. I said to her .. I thought it was more than just friends , and she said no … no .. they are in kapa haka together .. its like a family .. I wanted to shout at her .. .. hmmm I read her Facebook .. seems a little more than that , she says strange stuff on there .. it may pay for you to be a little more vigilant with that and the texts ..  I read my kids phones and face books often .. its not snooping .. its keeping your antenae up.

So dear readers … I need your advice .. I may not take it , but I want to know what you think ,

Do I take this info .. and tell .. lose her trust for a few months .

Do I keep my mouth shut … not tell TOH , who would have this boy strung up by his testes in the main street and be as wild as hell .

Do I just start talking about it in front of Dad one night where I am there to calm things over ..

If this was my daughter I would be screaming mad … but when it was my daughter .. I had her tell me so many things .. inadvertently, then we would discuss it .. I knew .. I just knew .. body language does change .. suddenly they no longer giggle when you mention sex , they no longer talk about it openly .. they become secretive.

Like S and his girlfriend S .. they are 17 , everyone says to me they are doing it KC they have to be .. and I can look you straight in the face and tell you they are not .. because we talk .. Girl S will talk to me about being scared that if she did her Dad wouyld find out and it is not worth it , how her Mum and Dad have protected her an

d kept her innocent, we talk about body parts and sex very naturally , things she has heard that she wants confirmed , things she does not understand .. Boy S had his phone checked very day ( unbeknowns to him) the text messages and the language were then bought up in another way till we got onto the right subject and we then openly discusssed that , her ex was a pushy boy who in the end dumped her cos she would not have sex with him , so S does not want to be like him and lose her cos he likes her too much .. he is happy with the relationship as is .. they stay over and have slept in the same bed .. he said I slept on the top of the sheet she slept under it ….    They know that I will know , and they know that I will find out .. lol .. when they turn 18 however , they can do as they please. ( so to speak)

 

 

 

 

TTFN..xox