Teenage Grief
I;m getting it ..
you would think that after having herded 3 teens through this chicane in their lives I would be a pro .. oh how sadly mistaken I was .. thinking that I had a handle on the behaviour and rules.
Driving with unlicensed drivers is my bottom line NO NO .. so when S asked if he could go to the beach with mates .. that the Dad was coming to get them I said yes .. but if the Boys are driving you .. then No as they are on restricted licenses and they are not to have passengers ..
I text and find that he is at the beach .. and Dad did not take them .. the boys drove .. 3 car loads of them all un licensed. All with passengers , .. A text war ensued in where I threatened calling the police to come and wait for them to drive away and snap them or that I would come get him .. in the end after talking to another Mum I said ok come home and face the consequences.. ( grounded the remainder of the holidays , 1 week and no cell ph for 4 days)
I talked about the seriousness and he said ohh whateva!!! its all good , if we get caught I will help pay the fine .. $200 currently.
But S you just don’t get it .. you are breaking the law , your friends are breaking the law .. God Mum everyone does it.
the week goes on and S has work .. not grounded for work .. He asks if he is allowed to go to a mates house to catch up with everyone home from Uni for the hols .. I said not sorry you are grounded untill sunday night .. arms in the air , how unfair , so now I will miss seeing them untill the next holidays in july blah blah blah .. and I said well that was the consequence for your actions and going to the beach with unlicensed drivers .. OMG mum thats so last week are you not over that yet ?? yes I am but the punishment still has to end .. one more day S ..
So Saturday he goes to work and texts that he is not going to come home .. a few text messages later and he says he will be home Sunday 4pm after work. a phone call to work and we discuss this again .. he is so rude .. just laughing at me when I say he must be home .. like yeah right Mum .. I’m not going to be .. so I said I would come get him from his friends house and he said well I wont go there I will go somewhere else .. so I will wait for you outside work .. I’d like to see you try he said .. I’m going out..
BIG FAT GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Late I calmly send a text to him saying fair enough , but the consequence will be that you loose the cell ph again for a few days and will not be meeting friends after school for the week. ..
I want to smash the cell phone but realise thats my one way to communicate with him so that wouldn’t work .. hell i’ll just smash him .. grrrrr.. no answer from his friends house , the mums not there either .. no more cell contact .. he never came home.
I lay in bed this morning awake and stewing ..
the little buggar has just gone and done exactly as he pleased.. he does not give a hoot about the consequences. He just says whateva!! and laughs at me ..
I need a strong come back .. the grounding does not work .. the loss of cell , internet , tv , nothing works .. not allowed to give him a Fkn good hiding .. ( hahaha, I feel like it tho)
So .. no washing .. no cooking ..
I also thought about moving him from his own room into a room that he has to share .. as he does not deserve to have his own room due to lack of respect .
I am so nervous about upsetting him .. and him taking off .. or not coming home or not contacting me .. I want to handcuff the little buggar to his bed. then let him off and see if he behaves ..
If you have some great suggestion .. feel free to pass it on .
TTFN..xox
I think you are right on with your consequences. Toughlove all the way. Try not to get emotionally involved with rescuing him, even though he is your son, when he breaks your rules, he must suffer the consquences. Ultimately he might make the choice to leave home……..and it would be his choice. :):)
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Maybe if he thinks he’s so grown up treat him like one – make him do his own washing and cooking and cleaning himself and if he runs out of socks and undies, oh well, his problem. It’s a tough stage, I remember being that age like it was yesterday and I couldn’t understand what my mum was on about.
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those boys need to come across a serious crash scene with bodies thrown all over the road before they will ‘wake up’ I think……but they are not alone. Sadly many come from families where the adults also drive illegally (drunk) so they don’t have the guidance your kids do. That said…. the expression “whatever…. ” is a stupid teen response to many such situations. I don’t have any answers either and am just glad my kids grew up when they did. Its my grandies I worry about now. Hang in there and stick to your guns on this……before a real tragedy happens…and it may well do so. big hugs…. P
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What he does is unacceptable, but try not to get too steamed up. Try to talk to him and let him know how disappointed you are with him. Act soft instead of hard and angry. It’s important he understands why he was being punished in the first place and not to drive any more.
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Having consequence and suffer a little for breaking the rule is ok, but if the consequence is too much, it will just distroy the relationship. Don’t push him away, just make him understand his mistake and promise not to do it again. Being a mom to a teenager is hard…we do the best we know, yet we never know if it is good enough. *hug*
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Home schooling? Making him quit his job so he can’t not come home after? Added bonus is he can’t afford to move out muahahaa. How old is he? I so remember this attitude in myself as a teenager…and the whatever thing really made my parents mad too!! *hugs* I hope he realises soon what a great mum he really has, it all gets better once that happens!!!
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My uncle has had some very creative consequences for my cousin in the past. If he’s not paid in cash, take away his cash card – he can’t do much without money. If he wants to be an adult, treat him as one – make him do his own washing and cooking, buy his own food, pay rent. If he doesn’t want his mom to take care of him and make decisions to protect him, he can fend for himself. My cousin was pretty wild with his car at some point too. My uncle took him to the local police station to see a wrecked car and hear the cops tell him exactly what can happen.
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ryn…..this Linda Chalmers is early 50’s according to Soni who knows her better than me, and Soni thinks she is from Auckland. But when I see her I will ask her. 🙂
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oh dear!
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Who owns the cars? Have you talked to the other parents, see if you can get them on board and deny access to the cars? Good luck.
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Hit him were it hurts, the consequences your giving him obviously aren’t something he cares much about or it would have more of an effect. What does he use his money from his job for? If it’s all fun stuff, I would consider not allowing him to work. Your house your rules. Period. He’s walking all over you.
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I am SO not ready for teen girls! ack! HUGS! ~Panzer
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RYN: yes I bought my grandson a WASGYG a couple of birthdays ago…they’re great fun to do but I have never done one myself. I rarely have time for a regular puzzle. Thats fantastic your mum won one!!! You’ve not written here in a while, I do hope everything is ok down there. huggles P
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