MARRIED!!!

another one bites the dust ..

When I left my husband I lost a few friends also .. so in order to make new ones I was introduced to a " friendship" site .. yeah right!! .. ok truth is .. dating site..

But in saying that I only wanted to meet friends … people to meet up with at the pub , go to the movies , hang out , walk swim hunt chase and just play about..

I meet a few not so nice people and soon learnt how to weed the creeps out from the real ones..

I had probably 6 very good "mates"  

I sort of dated them all but was never serious about them .. I mean to say I wanted friends not a relationship. So they were my buddies.. they would call and say .. Hey .. I am doing blah blah blah .. want to come ?   or .. I would call and say I need a date for a wedding .. what you up to ? and they were all different .. so for what ever occasion I had the partner to go with ..lol I loved it.

They all knew I was not looking for love .. they in fact had girlfriends on and off  and I was a sounding board for them also .. it worked both ways .. some girls hated me .. some loved me .. I was never a threat .. well not in my mind.

I have not lost touch with them .. but we have all moved on and only have brief contact now ..

MC .. moved 45 mins away .. engaged .. split up recently .. found a new lady. Into boys toys  spends way too much money on the latest gadgets..

SB.. wanted more from me than I could give .. he was older than me by 13 yrs.  Stopped contact for 6 months .. and when I called to wish him Merry Christmas last year.. I called on his Wedding day ..OMG, have not spoken to him since , he loved me and wanted to marry me .. I never knew it to that extent. He will not call me.. so sad.

IS.. still text and email occasionally .. we have lunch maybe twice a year.. he has been in serious relationship for some time , planning a dinner with him and his lady and our kids.

GW… another older man.. and one that invited me to his wedding .. lovely lady who i get on well with .. we still pop in and see each other and email almost weekly.

RS… not a new friend, have known him since teen years, just got back in touch 5 years ago. Going camping together this year for our Christmas holiday. Been there done that not going back ..lol he was my first boyfriend.. "the first" we have a special relationship, just mates..

TOH.. well  what can I say .. not the one I want to spend the rest of my life with .. lots of fun and huge friend circle .. have made some wicked conections and had some awesome times.. need to sort out whats happening here..

MB… the latest casualty.. I did like this one(secretly) .. and I spent weekends at his place in the country with the kids , eeling, possum shooting , rounding up sheep and all that farming stuff.. My kids loved it .. he was a wicked male figure to them , a little tough maybe , but then they needed to know what was right and wrong.. he was awesome with Sparky when I was having trouble with him. Manners were important to him and he had rules .. we respected him.. .He had a GF.. and she hated me .. I didn’t think  I was a  threat … anyway .. when that relationship fizzled, he moved back to the South Island where he was from .. he said he had nothing here for him .. I cried. I missed him so much .. we spoke on the phone , text , but he was gone and soon that dwindled.. I emailed occasionally. He called me maybe at the begining of the  year and said he had met a nice lady.. I was wrapped. That was my last contact.. until yesterday when I received an email from him …. It was from his WIFE!! she said he talked about me often and it was all good .. and she wanted to get in touch , that he was embarrassed to call me.

I remember one of the last chats we had .. I told him of my feelings for MMM (soulmate) and he said .. "so I never had a chance"……. I giggled .. he said "seriously … if I had a chance with you I would not have left.. or I would have taken you with me" ..  

Ohhh what am I doing ?   like sands through the hour glass .. so are the men in my life ..

I know what I want .. can’t have it .. but also can not move on.   Limbo.