By Pass surgery

My Dear friend Farmer is having a By pass surgery Tuesday , was Oct , then Sept, then Monday now Tuesday.. sheesh

Anywho .. he has a condition that has practically left him a time bomb. His artery is not clogging or thinning it is almost disintergrating .. and at a junction that means if it goes .. Bang he has gone.. ( I am no medical person and repeating his words)

His family were to come stay but grandkids became ill and so stayed away , so i went and spent the night .. he is very scared .. we had a few laughs , and a few bourbons .. and I talked to him about how much fun we have had together , I hugged him goodnight and could not get the thought of him dying overnight out of my mind..

I checked him a few times , almost OCD, during the night , one time I did not hear his breathing .. slipped a hand on his shoulder and it was cold .. OMG that split second of dread..then a snore .. Ohhh haha no blanket on his arm .. of course it will be cold ..

He was up before me this morning and out to the milking shed to oversee the new guy and check the calves.. making sure everything was done to order.. We had a lovely breakfast in a Cafe in town and then home to sit in the sun for an hour or so till the next shift arrived.

I know people say that you need to take the oppotunity when it arises to tell people you love them .. to tell them you care .. But Farmer and I have a history.. and I don’t want to confuse things .. I so wanted to say I love you .. but not in the I love you want to be with you want to marry you way … I want to say , I love you,  you are my dearest friend, you are special to me and i care deeply for you .. but it all sounds the same and I can not afford to upset him and let him think there is more there than there is. ..   I do Love him ..  But I also love so many others all for different reasons ..

** Sigh**

So this afternoon .. I spent it in my room .. what a tip.

I wanted to sort drawers, go through papers , vaccum , pull out the bedside tables and bed and clear cobwebs etc.. and I did it .. just one dresser to go , but that was pretty much sorted before the 21st as I was looking for photos in one of the drawers. its just the top that ended as a dumping ground.

I love that any item of furniture in this place can be moved and it does not leave me embarassed as to the mess underneath , this is a FLYlady tribute, also a bit of my anal retention about crap under the couches .. I shudder at the thought of food scraps and dust and paper and toys and stuff under there after years of cleaning up other peoples lounges when they moved and seeing the mess , I will not have that happen to me .. Plus . i have to have a good sort out at the end of the week and find the lost jigsaw pieces and dolls combs etc with the care kids cleaning during the week being pretty hap hazzard. Friday nights are full on deep clean.. every other day is a lick and a promise.

TOH got a temp job yesterday .. starts Monday , Yay for him .. He joined a new employment agency .. not based here in Hamilton and they called him within 30 mins of him filling in the online form .. they have a demolition job here in Ham and they want him to be a team leader along with another guy who incidently TOH worked with in Huntly a few years back .. freaky as .. they will be in charge of the young boys …choice as bro.. maybe 3 weeks work ..

off to bed ..

am making playdough in the morning to go and make hand and foot moulds of the new baby so I can plaster cast them ..

Night all

TTFN..xox