I’m sad enough without the alcohol.

05:02 pm –

Is it me? Am I just that emotional? Do I scare people away?

Today I sit at my parents house, happy mother’s day to all by the way, and I’m listening to some sad music as so much goes by my head…not really sure I should post any of it here, so I won’t, but I felt like writing…maybe later I’ll pass it from my private journal to a private entry…that might feel good…

This really is worse than a rant, it is venting, hiding and revealing nothing…

Cried last night, good crying and bad crying, couldn’t go to sleep till like 5 am or so…just this punding head ache and this unrestfulness, couldn’t find peace last night.

I really need new friends… I really enjoy the anarchist and my roomates, but everyone aside must be left behind…

Was hanging with Lupe and Jose…first they desided to make fun of a homless guy,AND I had been with homeless people all day! Then Jose mentioned that he had really wanted to go to the 7 dust concert…me?I cringed as he mentioned it.

They just kind of made me feel bit rotten.

I think Wes and Adam had fun most of the night, which makes it good, cause I didn’t really have a horrible time, I liked the dancing, wish there had been more of that, but it’s ok.

I really want to go home…not sure what I am going to do there except wish I where doing something fun and exciting…

MUST CLEAN ROOOM.

This ache in my heart, I recognize it…wish I didn’t…

I’m so tired…sad and tired.

Current Mood: sad

Current Music: in my window, sad and lonley…wilco and billy bragg

Karmic Solution

January 25, 2005

Hey you, I’ve written an extremely detailed entry about my life in the last weeks. I’m going to email you soon, I ran out of time to do that after writing so much. Much love to you and your chimp. I will smell you later.

February 15, 2005

Joe, the one who went to the army? wow, I figured he was such an ass to his girls of association he would never have someone want to marry him, but I guess he is an army man and some women dig that. April???? Well, I guess I wasn’t invited so I won’t bother going. Norris and I were talking about actually doing our wedding next summer, not the one coming up, but the next one. No date as of yet.

it was really quite sweet, we were laying in bed and he was telling me that he loves me so much he just wants me to be his wife and he doesn’t want to wait. And he wants kids, but he wants them in wedlock. No bastard children for us, no marriage because of pregnancy. But no date! He also said we can’t do it this summer because he doesn’t want it to seem like we got married simply because we are

engaged. who would have thought a guy would put so much thought into when and why we could get married. Julia, and one of her friends, Ericka, and Joe, me, and well, Wes did ask you. I guess it’s just that time in our lives we feel the need to settle down. My mom has been trying to tell me when and where and how to get married. I’ve been thinking I shouldn’t have told her he proposed.

February 17, 2005

I quit being vegetarian because I’m too picky to eat most vegetarian food, and I was starving…….plus I lacked energy…from not eating and ect. I remember I didn’t say I was vegi, but just that I wasn’t eating meat. It was a LINT kind of thing, but since I’m not religious it went for 100 days, and no pop or candy also went with the meat. No meat just lasted longer than the 100 days.

Sorry you’re miserable. I hope things get better for you. At times I often feel that I scare people away.