Obsessive

🙂 Before I get to the real entry, I have to say that I posted this favs only in my normal blog but … there is something else I got addicted to… seeing my little pic come up on the OD front page. How pathetic is that? But here is just for the fun of seeing me out there….

Guess it may have something to do with this: http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D723973&entry=10019&mode=date

I have become obsessed with OD since the blogathon. I mean, there is nothing really new there as I am frequently obssessed with OD, coming back to check if someone has written, if someone has left a note. I feel as though I am riding a wave of emotions, thoughts, reflections. I ride high and want to write, write, write but feel as though everything is coming at me so fast that I can’t decipher where to start or which end of the thread to pull. At the same time, as waves do, there a lows, crashes, down points. I am still exhausted. My sleep cycle is still to pot. On the other hand, I knew it would be and I knew it would take about a week to get it right again and that’s fine. This is what I expected, only in reality, ten times better.

Some random thoughts with the vague structure offered by those friendly little bullets:

• notes. Before the thon I said that I was afraid that no-one would come to read, that everyone would find it boring, that I’d get no notes. 🙂 I laugh at myself.

  A few days before the thon started I grew up a little. I realised that often I come her looking for notes. Some favs have said they are ‘note whores’ and I guess I am too. I love reading your comments, hearing what you have to say, or think. I love the support, the congratulations, the ‘hang on in there’s ‘. You guys out there really do it for me. You are great! 🙂

  However, I had to sit and ask myself – do you really only write because of the notes you will get? is really the only thing that is important? It was a huge question and the reality is: NO. I come here because I need to off load. I come here because I want to express something. I come here, because I like it here. 🙂 Ah, I hear you asking – why do you like it here? Sure, its the community, its the other folk. But hey, its summer! And every summer its the same – people are outdoors where they should be, enjoying themselves. Its always quieter in thesummer. (I find). Its also a time when I have more holiday and more time to come here – so I find the lack of entries and notes harder.

  Maybe I’m going round in circles, but I discovered that I could write, with or without notes. That being said, when JustK arrived on my diary and left me my first note I was figuratively jumping for joy. And Nel and SA kept me going positively throught out the day and night. 🙂 thanks again girls.

• I found that this whole blogathon thing has given me a reason back for being. Not that I didn’t already have one, but a while ago I was reflecting that I used to do a lot for charity and now, apart from opening my purse when I can, I don’t. The thon was something like 30 hours of individuals battling away for their independent charities. 30 hours of giving and positive vibes if you like, going out there in the universe. Bloggers, noters, sponsers, people inquiring how things are going and just supporting. Sean in his sweet little way got excited by the event, because I was excited. He gave money, because he wanted to support me. And there you go, that moves me so much, just as the others did who sponsored me. Those sponsorships kept me going. I didn’t realise the impact it would have on me, but I’ve fallen in love with the idea of being part of a group of people who thirty minutes at a time are making the world just a little bit better.

  Kudos to Cat Connor who got the whole thing going in the first place and who must dedicate absolutely oodles of love, energy and passion into keeping this baby growing. If you have time, go listen here: listen here
  (its the second part that’s most interesting – I can’t wait for next year!)

Apparently I’ve run out of thoughts, which is probably not a bad thing. I am going upstairs to empty the wardrobe of clothes I no longer need, want or can wear. I’m going to clean and tidy the house and I’m starting a new me. 🙂 I have such a buzz.

I have such a kick from the possibilities that surround me if only I can find the energy and the drive to make them work. I feel passion like I haven’t felt in a such long time and I just want to live that moment, that spark, before it goes out again. I want to keep my life on the fast track. Sean is managing it, so can I but by goodness I really need to work hard.