What the?

Haha, I think this is the least-dirty song he has ever released!  I only found out about it cos someone asked what the song was on the facebook page of Brisbane’s Queer Radio, which is on every Wednesday night here, not that I listen to it cos I always forget it’s even on.  Whoops.  Shel used to be a host on it!
Either way, I have repeated this song about ten times now haha.  I think it’s that catchy it might even make my chart next week haha.  Oh wow, I just noticed they added an ‘au’ to the end of the domain address – it wasn’t like that before.  Sweet, now I’m identified as Aussie I guess, if anyone actually ever looks at it haha.

Today I woke up at 1pm cos I stayed up way too late last night and tonight I seem to be doing the same.  It’s nearly 3am as I type this.  It doesn’t make sense cos I was sleeping at night so well and waking up around 5am, making full use of a full day, and now I wake up and half the day is gone. 

I’m actually finding it quite amazing that I have all this time now, and yet I feel like I am making use of every second of it.  I don’t think I have even once thought about being bored yet!  Insane.  I guess after so long of working casual without a decent break that my brain has gone into overload and bliss at having to do sweet fuck all.  Sure, I now have no money coming in, but right now all that crosses my mind is ‘No work!  No getting out of bed to iron a shirt, walk to the bus, get on the bus, work eight hours, deal with drunk fuckheads, worry about getting robbed at knifepoint or even worse gunpoint…’ etc etc and the fact it’s behind me just makes me wanna scream out ‘YES!’  It doesn’t even feel like it was that long ago that I quit, when it reality it’s probably been two weeks or something.  This just seems to be taking a looong time for time to slow down for me.  I’ve been keeping myself busy with catching up with friends and going to the Queer Film Festival and doing my own thing.  I’m having respect for my friends who are all still working (except Angelo, he’s unemployed like me, but has work lined up) and still finding time to hang out with me.  I guess I wasn’t that bad.

I feel bad about not having attended Mitch’s birthday party.  Apparently it was a real blast.  I could have gone to it, but I simply didn’t have time to make or get a decent costume for it.  I was only given 24 hours notice wheras others had many weeks.  That and I didn’t know how I was gunna get there as I no longer have a car.
he hasn’t messaged me or texted me, so I have no idea how he feels about it or if he even cares.  I don’t see why he should.  I’m thinking about getting him a belated birthday pressie.

Speaking of birthdays, it was my mum’s birthday a few days ago, and for the first time, I simply forgot to message or ring her on it.  I get a message from her on facebook today saying how upset she was that I didn’t call or message her, because, and get this right, "I’m the one son she could always count on."

Now, what the!?  Okay, I have always seen myself as a good son.  I didn’t realise that forgetting one damn birthday deserved a message of accusation toward me.  Well, that’s just how it felt.  I haven’t even replied to THAT!  It just momentarily stunned me I guess.  I’m the "One son I could always count on".

God it confuses me how my parents minds work.  Let me give an example of why I’m confused by this.  My parents will travel far and wide with their caravan in tow to go and visit my little brother in Mt Isa and his girlfriend and their kid.  My older brother used to also live in Mt Isa, and they would travel up there for the same reason, or to Barcaldine where the ex-wife lives, to see him and the grandkids.  Even today, my older brother lives on the Gold Coast, and they will travel there to visit, what seems like on a pretty regular basis.  Not once have they visited me.  Or rather, I can count ONCE they visited me, in the ALMOST 10 YEARS I have lived in Brisbane.

They put it down to hating "city traffic".  They are real country farmers who don’t even like Toowoomba traffic let alone Brisbane traffic.  Oh, and guess what else I’ve noticed?  Yep, that’s right, I don’t have a grand-kid for them to play with!  Shock horror!

Now, call me an asshole, but I don’t see why the message today was justified from my mother.  I love my mother and my father dearly.  My mum has raised me beautifully in the best way humanly possible.  I miss one birthday when my brothers have missed countless, has apparently upset her?? 
I want to apologise.  It’s stupid cos I knew it was coming up and I guess I got caught up in my life of friends, social life and boys and it passed by as quickly as it arrived. 
I want to buy her a present the same time I’m out buying Mitch one.  Maybe if I send her something, it’ll cheer her up.

I shouldn’t feel mad about this.  I guess maybe I’m just a different part of the love she has for her children?  If that makes any sense at all.  I mean like maybe I somehow fill the void of caring for her as my mum even without the grand-kids providing the love she is so used to from them?  It just surprised me that she would be upset about something so.. well… not upsetting?  I guess I let her down.

I’ve had so much on my plate and my mind since I’ve left work.  i should have been better prepared and not only wished her a happy birthday, but had the present to her on time.

I dunno.  This seems stupid writing about.