So help me.

 I’m writing this from a keyboard that I bought at JBHifi tonight at Chermside.  It’s one of those ones that bluetooth-connects to my tablet, so now I can write as though I am on my laptop, but I’m not!  Technology these days 😀
Instead, I have my tablet set up on a stand in front of me, and my keyboard next to me (naturally).  This I guess is a temporary get-around until I save up enough to get myself the laptop that I want, then I’ll be set.

I think I’m getting pretty over OD.  As much as it’s become my home, and given how many chances it’s had to pick up it’s game, it just seems like the programmers of ths site don’t even care anymore.  It’s sad, and pathetic, really.  I haven’t been able to write properly or even read properly in months, and those months I believe are even turning over into years.  The idea of transferring almost a decade of entries over to another site seems completely tedius to me.  I was hoping to be able to go back and re-read parts of my life when I am old and grey, but it just seems like OD will automatically wipe out everything for me.  Not that it’s done THAT, thankfully (except for that site-hack many years ago), but man how hard is it to get a page to load on this thing?  I can’t be the only one having this problem, surely?  Why do you guys stick around?  I don’t even know why I do.  Loyalty I guess.  Pride that my whole growing-up period is here.

A friend of mine has started his own blog, and it’s pretty cool, but writing about his experiences in life and such, but he does it in an audience-friendly way, which is great and all, but that really isn’t me.  You guys who have read me over the months or years know I like to use names and places and whatnot, because let’s face it, my memory is bad enough now than it will be when I’m 75 LOL.  Still, it’s pretty cool to read him and see him opening up.  I always feel like I’m too vulnerable to share my diary because soooo many people have a problem with it… Those sooo many people being people who HAVE come across it and let me know they don’t appreciate me writing about them.  But you know what?  If I didn’t do that, then this wouldn’t be a very truthful, honest diary, would it??  Often I’ve thought that it’s probably just easier to cut people like that from my life.  If I did that, I wouldn’t HAVE to write about them, would I? 😛  And geez, I might use a name, but I don’t go listing their phone numbers and addresses in entries, and ever since all this privacy shit came about, most of the entries with names in them have been posted as Favourites Only anyway.  I know some people on here use code names, but really, I could not be fucked.  I see a name, I associate it with someone, and if someone wants to be that insecure about it, then so be it.  

Anyway, I’m really rambling about nothing, as I tend to do in this diary.  I guess that’s the difference between a blog and a diary.  A blog is meant for vast audiences and to entertain, right?  I suppose that’s another reason I hang around here.  The name alone.  OPENDIARY.  I have the option to share my diary publically, and often I do, but I don’t go out of my way to share it with friends and family on facebook.  When you guys see my shares on there, they are shared with a list.  An ‘Open Diary’ list.  Sometimes I make status’ that only you guys can see, because I figure they will be too contraversial or lame for anyone else to see, but you guys put up with me and know my humour by now, I hope.

I like to write about my life, when I want.  I don’t like it when OD doesn’t allow me to.  In fact, I’m wondering if it will let me post this entry even.  You know, since it doesn’t even do THAT properly anymore!  My previous entry had no notes at all on it haha, but I figure that’s because I didn’t edit it to make sure it updates in the bookmarks, and you know, I’m all about convenience, and surely there’s another diary site out there that will feel like home to me just as much as this one does.

Tonight, as I mentioned, I went shopping, and I do have to say, typing again on a keyboard feels so much more natural.  I guess because I’m used to it.  It’s pretty cool with a tablet too because when I type a word, it sometimes auto-corrects the word.  Anyway, initially I met up with Moe and Steve, and later on with Vish and his boyfriend.  I always say ‘his boyfriend’ there because his boyfriend isn’t out properly yet, so see, I do have respect 🙂  The only thing I walked out with was this keyboard for $88.  I was almost going to buy one of those Chromebooks, but Steve talked me into this.  I still have my eye on the chromebook though.  For the price it seems pretty decent, and I don’t need a big hard drive these days since I have my portable ones.  After I said goodbye to Moe and Steve, I went with Vish and his bf back to their place, where Vish cooked me dinner.  It was some eggplant mixed vegies dish, since Vish is vegetarian and all.  It was okay.  A little tasteless and too hot for my liking.  I guess that happens when you have an Indian friend who cooks for you sometimes haha.  I always need some yoghurt and a drink with his meals.  I swear to God that he could eat like a few hot chilli peppers and not even bat an eyelid.

I caught the train back home, and was busting to use the bathroom the whole way lol.  I hate that they close the bathrooms at the outer station after a certain time, but I guess that’s to curb drug use.  I was seriously considering just going in the bushes lol, but I held on until I got to central, where the bathrooms WERE still open.

My mother sent me a facebook message asking if I knew if Zac is gay.  
I thought she already knew this, considering when she told me that his brother way gay all those years ago, my reaction was complete surprise and I blurted out, "I thought his brother was the gay one!" lol.  But no, apparently not.
I gave her a sensible answer though.  I do know that he is, as he and I sometimes talk about hot guys together lol, plus I’ve seen him out quite a few times.  I just told her that I didn’t know Zac’s situation.  She replied that someone mentioned that he was and she thought I might know.  I replied, "I do know.  But I don’t think it’s nice to out someone without knowing their situation."
She replied, "I think I can read between the lines.  I won’t say anything though."
Yeah.  We’ll see how long that lasts.  This is MY mother we’re talking about.  Bless her though.  I do feel like it’ll be a challenge for her to keep quiet about it, especially since rumours are already circulating out in the rural community.  
I feel a little sorry for Zac’s parents, as in, my parents have it lucky by only having one gay son (me).  His parents have had both sons be gay.  My parents and Zac’s parents are good friends and I believe they have bonded even further because of myself and Lucas (Rest In Peace buddy).
That’s what’s driven me batshit crazy for years.  My parents never truly believing that gay is anything but a sin, when there are people like Zac’s parents who are just as religious as my parents, and they don’t even have one of their sons anymore.  They are so brave and strong, and I don’t know if Zac is out to them or not.  I guess anything like this is big news out in the country.  A gay in the area.  A spouse cheating.  Only a few weeks ago, one of my parents neighbours suicided – shot himself.  Was actually my best friend from high-school’s older brother.
I guess it goes to show, no matter where you are in the world, shit happens.
The point is, Zac is a beautiful guy, and he isn’t even in the country to defend himself if all these rumours surface.  For all I know, he could be completely out already.

I had a funny situation happen last night when I was on Grindr, browsing in the early hours of the morning.  This guy messaged me saying he had this cute sub-guy willing to do anything, and he sent a picture of him.  LOL.  I knew him.  
I said to this guy that I knew him and that he was a lot of fun.  I just wasn’t in a mood for a threeway haha.  I mean, I guess I could have, but I really couldn’t be bothered.  A few hours later, the guy I know actually messaged me, again asking me to come over.  I was stunned he was still there!  I got myself out of it though.  It sounded like there were drugs involved, and you know I don’t like to do any of that shit, and it probably would have been bareback as well, and I just can’t deal with that shit right now.  I’m trying to be more sensible and healthy in my life, and although I turned down an experience that was sure as hell to be a lot of fun and a great memory (and probably story for here lol), I don’t regret it too much.  Who knows, maybe the opportunity will come up again sometime.  I just had this stupid thought that both of them would be high when I got there and barebacking and here I come along, completely sober with condoms in hand.  Christ.  If I’m using excuses like that to talk myself out of sex, so help me.