one-way streets!

 “Sitting, Waiting, Wishing” – Jack Johnson

Now I was sitting waiting wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you’d see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain’t the Lord, no I’m just a fool
Learning loving somebody don’t make them love you

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing the fool?

I sing ya songs I dance a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn’t worth never having you
And maybe you been through this before
But its my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they’re directed at you

I cant always be waiting waiting on you
I cant always be playing playing your fool
I keep playing your cards
But its not my scene
Wont this plot not twist?
I’ve had enough mystery.
Keep building me up, then shooting me down
Well im already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting

Well if I was in your position
Id put down all my ammunition
I’d wondered why’d it taken me so long
But Lord knows that I’m not you
And If I was I wouldn’t be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain’t so easy to do

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing the fool?
No I cant always be waiting waiting on you
I cant always be playing playing your fool, foool

I’m so annoyed.  I’m in the weirdest mood today.  I really can’t even explain how I feel.  It’s like I need to invent a new word for the way I feel sometimes.  I think it’s because of what happened last night.

Luke sent me an sms at about 12:30am, asking if I was still awake.  I replied that i was and where he wanted me to pick him up.  He said where I’d dropped him off.  Now I had no problems at all dropping him off there and finding my way back home.  It was in Spring Hill, which is a suburb neither of us are used to, except for Gregory Terrace because that’s the road to a friend of our’s place (the guy who actually introduced Luke and I, so I owe him everything really.)  I knew that I had travelled back along St Pauls Terrace on my way home, so i figured instead of going along Gregory terrace (all the way around, turning left 3 times), I’d just keep going straight ahead and turn right onto St Pauls Terrace.  Pity it doesn’t work that way.  No right turn, so I kept driving along after thinking ‘fuck!’ trust this to happen’, until I could find the next right turn.  I found a right turn, and as I turned right into this street, I saw a sign saying ‘no entry’.  I started panicking, realising I’d turned into a one-way street, and I’m still confused as to where the HELL the right-turn street actually was, cos I didn’t see a sign saying ‘no right turn’, I only knew when I saw the ‘no entry sign.’  To make matters more scary, a car was heading right toward me.  I’d already known by this stage I was in the wrong, and put the car in reverse, to reverse back out onto the highway, but it wasn’t as simple as that, I had to wait for the on-coming traffic before I could reverse back out onto the road.  Just as the last car had passed and I could reverse, the guy in the car RAMMED his car into the front of mine.  I was stunned.  I didn’t hear metal scrape, which lead me to think maybe he had a rubber trim on his car front, and that there wasn’t that much damage.  But it still pissed me off!  I mean i was STUCK, yet he rammed into me!?  I mean FUCK how STUPID can you get?!  I then thought, yes he couldn’t see my reverse light from where i was, but I wasn’t game to look at him for fear of seeing him cursing at me through the windscreen cos I was idiotic enough to turn into the street in the first place.  Anyway now that it’s over with I really wish i had given him the finger and glared or something.  I found the street now that I could turn left onto the street, and picked Lukey up.  I just sat there for a while before I messaged him asking where he was, cos he was nowhere to be seen.  I just sat there and breathed in silence, thinking how stupid I was and how much of a fucktwit the other driver was.  What was I do to?  Keep going and collide into him, or reverse back into about 8 on-coming cars on the highway?  I had to wait, and for SOME reason which i still can’t figure out, he drove his car forward and hit me.  I got out and inspected the damage.  I picked Luke up and we I took off, still pissed off and Luke was really quiet too.  I could tell he hadn’t had fun at all.  Poor guy.  Then he asked me what was wrong, and I wouldn’t tell him because I knew it wouldn’t have happened if I knew what I was doing in the first place.  He knew something was up though and I said to him, ‘someone ran into me’ and just kept driving looking straight ahead.  I then exploded in anger at myself, at the other driver, and the stupidity of the other driver for quite a while.  he asked if the damage was bad, and I said it wasn’t, and calmed myself down in the comfort knowing that it could have been much worse, and there’s no real visable damage, just the look of rubber on the front bumper and some paint taken off it, and two cracked headlight protectors, but not too bad, only a crack or two in both.  Luke looked at the damage when we got home, but I just walked inside, I didn’t want to handle it.  I was too annoyed and not to mention tired.  I was so tired, trying to keep my eyes open driving.  And although I might have been tired, I knew that the other guy was just a tosser.  he was a middle-aged guy, which explains everything.  If I ever ran into that guy again I swear I’d fly off the handle.  I’m glad he didn’t have a powerful car, cos if he did he would’ve plowed me into the traffic, who knows where i’d be then.  But it wasn’t that bad, I was safe enough, basically I’d have thought he’d have the common courtasy to wait until I could correct my situation.  I told Luke all this.  He reckons if he was driving he would’ve let fly. haha.  He then told me how when a guy rear-ended him in Toowoomba (not in THAT way haha), he literally got out of his car, ripped open the drivers door and started abusing the hell out of him.  haha, i would’ve liked to see him do that.  He said he got the guys number and stuff for insurance purposes, and rang him the next day apologising his anger. 

I’m thinking of visiting Aaron tomorrow.  Me and Luke have the day off together so I might not be able to, but we’re going to Ipswich first thing in the morning so go and inspect some chooks that Luke rang up for in the classifieds this morning.  He got an answering machine the first time he tried and relayed to me that two guys li

ved there.  haha so now we think they might be gay.  Luke rang again later on and a guy named Michael answered and mentioned somewhere in the conversation ‘when we bought this place’.  I said they are probably brothers or best mates, but Luke reckons the voice sounded kinda gay.  Anyway I guess we’ll be able to tell tomorrow.  After he hung up I was waiting for Luke to come up to me asking if I could drive him out there tomorrow, and sure enough he did haha.  Of course I will.  Going out to Ippy, I’d better wear a face-mask j/k.  I’m gunna send my mate Wadey a message and see what hes up to cos he lives in Ippy, but he might be sleeping cos he works graveyard shifts at 7/11.  Whenever he goes to the clubs in Ippy, everyone seems to know him – guess people need fuel.  Speaking of which, it’s a fucking hundred and six cents a litre across the road!!  I get 4 cents off with my work but geeshus, that’s still 102c!  It cost me 50 bucks to fill the tank a few days ago 🙁

Money’s getting hard.  I hate how money seems to control so many people’s lives, cos people need it to survice.  I hate getting paid each week, only to be left with like $50 each week that actually goes into savings.  I had to pay rent this week, then bills, then $100 food shopping and next week i owe my dad $402 for car insurance (haha funny that) and I pay my grandma $200 a month to pay off the loan for my car, then like $30 a week on fuel aroundabouts.  I’ve figured it out though how to save money.  Don’t own a car!!!  Seriously, taking up smoking would be cheaper i think!  Not that i WILL ewwww, jsut seems like it.  It makes me wonder how smokers do it – how they afford cigarettes, plus the expenses of everyday life besides their cancer sticks.  I stressed out a bit a few days ago, and i never know how to explain it.  luke asks what’s wrong and hugs me, and I can never say what it is cos I don’t know.  I’ve narrowed it down to stress, although I don’t really feel that, so all I can think of is Anxiety.  Yes I think that’s the word that perfectly describes this life, this life I live.  I’ll be alright once I get all the bills out of the way, including my optus which is still completely going to waste (god i’ll be glad when thats over by october).  I felt so bad because I actually had to ring a charity I donate money to to tell them I can’t afford to keep donating.  Gosh I felt like the most evil person on the planet.

Luke’s still at work, he’s doing split shift today, which means he’ll be home soon, but will have to go back to work tonight.  Maybe I’ll go see Aaron then.  i dunno, I’ve been pretty lazy lately, like really not myself.  I miss my Aaron though.  Maybe we’ll flirt with each other, that’ll cheer me up haha.  Then again the money thing comes into it, using fuel to get to Mt Gravatt and back.  Then i think I shouldn’t be so tight, I’m just worried I won’t have enough when tax time comes around, cos I might own the tax department $3000 – that’s the last thing I need, a debt like that.  I only owe $1400 on my car now out of $5000 so i think I’ve done pretty well there.  So long as I don’t turn up anymore one-way streets and drive tired, or let luke drive it crazily I should be fine haha.  Luke gets his car this week!  He’s so excited.  We drove past it last night when I took him in to go clubbing and he was pointing out the window all excited, ‘there she is!!!’ He’s so great.  He said ‘I love you” as he got out of the car, and I said ‘I love you too’.  I was driving back home thinking about that and how I said it without a hesitation.  Wow.

Lukey and I are gunna get another siamese fighting fish, and Lukey wants to get a quail as well.  reception said we are allowed birds, and Luke’s obsessed with animals.  he loves them so much.  The chooks wer are looking at arent actually for us, they are for his mum in kingsthorpe.  luke said his mum doesn’t get to enjoy that many things to herself, so he’s getting these for her cos they are a special breed that are hard to get a hold of.  He’s such a sweety.  Cos i questioned how we were gunna keep the chooks at our place until he could get them to toowoomba, and he said he’s gunna see if they can hold them until he gets his car this week, and he’ll drive up on thursday.  he said the guy sounds really nice too.  $60 for the pair, which his mum will pay him back for. 

It’s my mum’s birthday on the 16th.  I have no idea how old she is, she stopped telling me years ago and I just haven’t kept track.  I ask her these days and she refuses to tell me.  Pity I can’t find a birth certificate or trick her into telling me her year of birth, but shes too smart for me haha.  I’m trying to think what I can get her.  I’m thinking a massage voucher cos she really loves those, and she really deserves it too.  I started crying a few nights ago, because I was thinking about her heaps, which is something I rarely do.  Luke hugged me until I fell asleep…