“Oh – how ARE you, Mavis?!”

I just finished having a ticking fight with Lukey. It was pretty full-on, and would’ve looked interesting to anyone who actually happened to be walking past at the time that’s for sure!
It’s good we’re both ticklish cos it’s a lot of fun, just kinda painful at times – usually that’s from your skin rubbing on the floor tiles or your head being slammed against the bed (and that also happens in another senario too hehehe) .
He’s cooking toast at the moment, as the aroma of burnt bread is filling the room – hang on whilst i open the window – haha, nice one Lukey, nah I love him, he’s so cool.
I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately. Yeah real comforting thought. I don’t delve too deeply into it, just little thoughts. Like should I get a will so that I can write into it to let my parents and my boyfriend have all my possessions? Will I die tomorrow?
How will I die? And the big one…despite my faith…am I really going to Heaven? The last one’s the scariest. Dying scares me, but the decision of my afterlife is terrifying. But I know my faith is so much stronger and I kno I’m going to Heaven. I guess the
seriousness of homosexuality is unknown. But from what my bible tells me, all sin is equal, I am no worse than a liar, and there has not been one person on this Earth who has not sinned, except Jesus himself. So all you rebels out there, you have nothing
to worry about. If you’ve ever considered the belief of a God out there and totally dismissed the mere thought of there even being a higher power, and think of me as an idiot for thinking so, I can tell you that belief or not, what you do in life is you, there’s only one you,
you’re all unique and you all look different. And thank God (pun intended) for that because there’s so many hotties out there to perve on.. 😛 “He who believes and is baptised will be saved” – John 3:16 – ok I’m not turning into a preacher, God they can be so boring sometimes.
No wonder they can’t get young people to go to church, cos it SUCKS. I mean seriously it does. Get some youth orientated stuff into the regime and the idiots might actually make some progress. It pisses me off when I hear the elders of a church going, “Oh those young people today,
so undisiplined, so rebellious, they’re out playing their…video games and playstations instead of at church, where they should be!” – yeah Mavis, and if we talked and dressed like you do, then we’d probably be in a shit church like yours too. I mean seriously, can you blame us? I
can tell Mavis or Ethel or George (what’s another old person’s name? lol) that I’d prefer to be fucking my boyfriend anyday than sit through that boredom. I love God, I know he loves me, and I liek to go to a church service that I’m actually gunna enjoy. Hypocricy you can probably tell is a
pet peeve. Im sure you’re sick of hearing about church, but I’d like to read back on this when I’ve transformed the church and go ‘that’s how it used to be! YEAH!’ – haha yeah i wish!

I’m typing this while Luke’s right next to me, in Notepad as he’s on the phone. So sick of dial-up, but I guess it’s okay. I want my DSL back though which I’m still paying for. So depressing looking at the bank statement and seeing fucking Optus have taken out another $39.95 of internet I haven’t
used a cent of *sigh*, what can ya do I guess. October will be a big financial month for me. The contract will be up, so I’ll cancel Optus then, and probably abuse them for their shitty service while I’m at it…see, I think all these things I wanna do, but I just can’t. I’ve gotta
get rid of this ‘nice’ part of my personality when I’m pissed off. Usually the only way I get really pissed off with someone is when I’m pushed to the edge. I remember I few occasions – one being during confirmation class when my cousin was shitting me off so much I screamed at him to
“Shut the FUCK up you fucking FUCKTWIT!’ (yes my swearing vocabulary was very limited in grade 8) – which certainly made the jaws drop of the other students and the pastor who was teaching us. I just blew up hey. I remember looking into my cousin’s eyes afterwards and seeing the hurt in them. It was
so hard to make that guy go quiet. I felt kinda sorry I’d hurt him, but as I was fuming, DAMN that felt GOOD. Another time my parents pissed me off SO much and wouldn’t let me do something simple I wanted to do (I can’t even remember what it was now! haha), so what I did was I climbed on the roof of
the house and sang in the loudest voice, ‘I know a song that’ll get on your nerves…’ over and over and over and….over again. I seriously was up there for at least 6 hours. Needless to say it drove my parents insane, and at one point had my dad outside demanding me to get down, but his voice being
muffled by my fabulous singing hehe. Gosh I was a weird kid, I think I was like 13 or something at the time too. Gee, now that I think back on it, I realise how pathetic it really was, and I’m kinda ashamed to admit it now hahaha.

Yesterday I went and visited Luke’s and my mutual friend, Lindsay. Great guy, but he bags everything out, And I mean EVERYTHING. Everything in life either sucks or is boring. But I actually don’t mind listening to him, as he cracks me up every time we hang out, sometimes to the point of other patrons or
bypassers looking at me weird cos I’m gasping for air. It’s all observational humour, and the reason I laugh at even a lot of the depressing things he says, it is cos they are usually true! How much he bags out his housemate is hilarious. He works for a bank/insurance company and people ring him to ask about
their account details. Some of the passwords he gets are hilarious – one was “I love Jesus” and a famous NRL player’s password was “NRL” – Lindsay was like, “You IDIOT!” hahaha. He finds it an incredible job when the elderly give him their life story over the phone, as some don’t have any other communication
during their days. There’s only so much varicose veins and urinary tracks problems he can handle in a friendly chat.

I wanted to type this entry when Luke wasn’t here, because I can be myself more when he’s not. Not that I have a problem with him reading my diary, but if he does, he’ll have to find it hehe. He’s probably reading this entry right now going ‘hahaha too right!’. I guess I just like to be alone when I express my
feelings, tell about my day or week or hot guy I happen to see during the day. *drools* speaking of hot guys, damn there were a few working today – I said “Hi” to Dan, and he just looked at me and kept walking, as any self-respecting straight guy with a gorgeous girlfriend would do haha. Damn she’s lucky! Especially
if they have sex. Oh who am I kidding? I mean, who doesn’t these days! That’s what it seems like anyway, but I don’t know much about the straight sexual world, funnily enough. And Jesse and Julian were on too, damn so nice. Of course as Lukey’s reading this I have to say he’s better than them all – but seriously he
is anyway. His working out is really showing and damn I can’t stop feeling him up these days 😉 We get next weekend off together, how cool is THAT! I think we might be taking his younger bro fishing at the Gold Coast. It’ll be a blast! Josh is cool too.  He and Luke get along so well, such brotherly love that is inspiring to see.

You ever feel like you write a diary entry that you think is going to be cr

ap?  Yeah strange I know, but I feel I could do a whole lot better.  Maybe my mind’s just not in the right place tonight.  My ex is a producer of an online gay drama series, which I found interesting.  As long as he’s having fun that’s great!  Marky is so much fun.  Sometimes I do miss him, I mainly miss his friendship.  I guess you could say we’re friends, we still talk, but even a year and a half after our breakup, the conversation is still awkward.  Actually, the conversation is normal, but the feeling in the air is awkward.  Luke’s probably the cause of that I guess.  I feel the same whenever Luke talks to his ex, Jay.  I don’t think I really have any competition with Jay though, he’s a bit of a freak sometimes.  Just intimidating.

My friend James rang me last night like a minute before I was going to ring him.  He’s so great to talk to, and it just feels amazing to actually feel like you’re talking to someone who’s normal for once.  We talked for ages, well rather, he talked for ages, but I absolutely love listening to him.  Poor guy’s done through so much lately, a 17 year old doesn’t deserve that.  But the friend’s he has are second to none.  He’s like becoming one of my closest friends I think.  I guess he can never have too many friends! 

I had a really good talk with Katie yesterday.  She pretty much poured her heart out to me, and I was so proud of her for being honest for once.  She was asking me for my advice on what she should do about her ex fiance John(my close friend), her current boyfriend, and her friend Kristy.  I hate being in the middle sometimes – Luke says I shouldn’t be, but I just can’t help being nice.  Like I’ve helped out so many people with relationship problems today it’s unreal.  They all seem to happen at once and go, ‘hey, matt will cheer me up!’.  I mean I TRY, but I’m not exactly the best at giving advice.  I pretty much told Katie that the only way she’s going to repair all the damage she’s done is to apologise genuinely and accept the criticism.  I told her I couldn’t guarantee things would be the way they used to be with her friends, but at least she’s made an effort, and if they don’t want to talk to her, then she’s done all she can do.  John rang me tonight but I zipped my lip.  I didn’t say a thing.  Great more friends on MSN with boyfriend troubles.  Seriously, I can really understand why gay guys just go for the sex and hate commitment sometimes.  Gotta be damn good to actually make it work.

This entry just feels strange.  Me thinks me needs sleep.  Of course after I cuddle Luke.