No Man’s Land

"No Man’s Land" by Luke

Bright lights sting your blurry eyes
Grey and black shapes you can’t define
Swirl around in a dark kelidascope
Vast bodies cast shadows across your
 damp and bloodied face

The air hits your body and your limbs
 tremble
A churning soup of sound pours into
 your ears
Limbs sore and unused ache your body
Fear and loneliness envelop you

A part of you has forver been lost
Reluctant to move forward but
 given no choice
Your mouth opens and you cry out
 in anguish
But your voice drowns in the
 sea of sound

Theres nowhere to hide
You’re exposed and naked
Too much fills your mind to grasp
 or understand
You struggle but there’s no escape

The world suddenly tilts and you
 are lifted
The noise that tortures your ears
 quietens but for a steady rythym
  that relaxs you
Warmth and peace fold in around you
Fear dims down and the glare
 receeds from your tired eyes

The part of you that was
 missing has returned
The loneliness that rocked your mind
 is no longer there
You feel protected
Your eyes close and the
 familiarity of sleep takes you

‘Congratulations Mrs Taylor on
 the birth of your baby boy’

Can you believe the poem on the right was written by my beautiful boyfriend, Luke?  I remember when he first wrote it.  I was talking on the phone to a friend I think and he read it to me while I was trying to listen to what my friend was also saying on the other end of the line.  Of course I first heard this and was like, ‘what the?’ and praised Luke on writing such an amazing poem, although I myself hadn’t totally grasped the concept on what it was about.  Anyway, when I had more time and was by myself, I re-read the poem, and everything made total sense.  Luke felt bad because I hadn’t understood the poem the first time I’d read it, so assumed I didn’t like it I guess, but that wasn’t the case at all.  I guess I just wasn’t totally focused on the poetry at the time cos I had a lot on my mind.  Once my mind was cleared of the clutter, the poem was like ‘wow!’.  Luke’s written a few poems lately!  This is his latest, but not his favourite.  I did ask him permission before posting it on here, and he said that was totally cool, cos also a guy he is friends with wants to use it to teach his class at school!  I mean, yeah!  I think it’s definitely good enough!

I’ve done a heck of a lot in the last 24 hours.  Last time I wrote, I was wondering where Luke was, cos he wasn’t home when I arrived home from work.  He rocked up at about 10:30pm, and was all excited, and proceeded to tell me all about his night.  What he had done was he was talking to a friend on MSN, who he’s talked to for ages, and the decided to meet up.  They met up at Westfield Chermside, and Luke pulled up in his little Lancer, and there was this black Ferrari parked near where he’d parked.  He was really admiring the car when a guy got out of the vehicle and said to him, ‘you must be Luke?’.  Now Luke is a massive car fan, especially fast cars and V8’s, so he would’ve been really excited and stuff.  So he told me how they went for a drive in this guy’s ferrari (I found out his name is ‘Matt’ also), and they went to his house and he met his housemate.  This guy apparently works in his own financial advice business, and lives in a really nice rental house overlooking the Brisbane river.  Luke said he went in the sauna, then straight into an icy-cold pool, and then into the spa.  Luke told the guy when they were driving how he’d love to take it out to a racetrack and try it out or something, and ‘Matt’ musta said ‘well we’ll do that one day’.  So understandably, when Luke got home, he was in a really happy mood.  Luke told me that he didn’t think ‘Matt’ knew the boundaries, and asked him for a hug (which was fine) but then kept feeling up Luke’s muscles, which Luke found really weird.  Now, if any gay guy out there is anything like me, you will know that this is really disturbing.  Somebody else feeling-up my boyfriend, somebody I don’t even know.  Now I trust Luke more than anything, but in all honesty, I felt a little threatened.  I felt bad because there is no way I could compete with someone like that.  And not only that, I know what rich gay guys are like- they think they can get away with anything.  So basically, I sat there and listened to Luke’s adventure.  He asked me what I was up to that night, and I said to him I was contemplating heading off to Toowoomba.   So that’s exactly what i did – I changed clothes, grabbed Kristy’s blanket to take up to her, asked Kristy if it was okay, (she replied back really excited cos I was gunna get to meet her new boyfriend), and, I told Luke I was heading off.  he asked when I’d be back and I said, "oh I guess when I get sick of it", and he said, ‘oh so you’ll be back in 5 minutes then?’.  Haha, he knows I get bored in with prolonged periods in Toowoomba, it’s not the most exciting city on Earth, put it that way.  As I closed the door, I told Luke I loved him, almost as if I was saying goodbye for a long time, and he’d found someone better.  I’d put my stuff in the car and then realised I’d forgotten some money, so I pulled the door back open and Luke cracked a joke that I was back already, haha, he made me laugh at least, and although I wasn’t admitting it to him, I needed it.  Then I took off.

As soon as i was out the driveway, I knew I missed him and really didn’t want to be going, but I didn’t want to disturb him, and maybe he was gunna talk to ‘Matt’ or someone again.  I was driving out onto Beams Rd thinking ‘Oh this isn’t good, I’m going to be thinking about it the entire way there, I know it.".  And I was pretty much.  I did take my mind off it with the radio all the way there, with the 3 radio changes between Brisbane, Ipswich and Toowoomba cos it keeps going out of range.  It’s about a 200 kilometer trip or so roughly to Toowoomba from the Northside.   I got to Kristy’s, and saw that her new boyfriend drove a motorcycle, as it was parked in the driveway.  I thought, ‘that’s cool!’.  Kristy (http://www.opendiary.com/Innocent_Angel01) has been so excited about her new man, and I w

as really looking forward to meeting him.  She finally opened the door (after I stood outside in the freezing Toowoomba midnight weather for about 5 minutes lol) and ushered me inside.  We went into the loungeroom where she had the really warm heater going, and she knew something was up with me, and I confided in her, and told her everything that had happened.  She said to me, "I don’t think Lukey would ever cheat on you".  And she’s right, but he has before, but it wasn’t his fault.  But when that little incident happened, it was at the very beginning of our relationship, an I didn’t mind as much.  Also he hadn’t actually cheated, he was assulted.  But I can’t help to think sometimes there’s a point where he could’ve just said ‘No!’, but I know he would’ve been scared, and you do silly things when you’re scared.  But the point is, I could handle it then, but if it happened now, I don’t think I could.  I cried for a bit, but not for long cos I figured there’s nothing to really be crying about so I snapped myself out of it and talked to Kristy.  Gordan (her bf) and Becka (her housemate) were in bed when I arrived so I didn’t get to meet them.  I eventually went to sleep after talking to Kristy for a bit on her sofa bed.  I woke up in the morning and met Becka as she was coming down the stairs.  SHe’s really pretty!  And she was really nice too.  And I met Gordan too.  He was really long blonde hair, he’s 35, and he’s really funny.  I can’t believe Kristy and him have known each other for only a week and a half!  Kristy is right, it does seem like they’ve known  each other forever, by the way they get along with each other.

The next day I went to Kristy’s parents for a BBQ.  That was pretty cool and I met her sister Nat and her (Really HOT) boyfriend, Lindsay and her daughter, Hannah.  Hannah is so cute, amazing piercing blue eyes.  And did I mention Lindsay?  Whoa!  I couldn’t stop looking at him, which was embarrassing after a while cos I didn’t want Nat to catch me looking.  hahaha.  So I sent Vicky and Dan both an SMS letting them know I was in Toowoomba, and I took off to the warehouse to do some shopping as it’s one of the few stores in Toowoomba that actually have sunday trading.  I didn’t expect to get a reply from either, but Vicky (http://www.opendiary.com/mysticalwild) sent a reply asking if I was still in Twba, and I said I was.  She reminded me of direction to her house and I went round there and talked to her for absolutely ages.  I had been feeling bad because I haven’t talked to Vicky anywhere near enough since high-school, and she is one of my closest friends.  We reminesed on the high-school days and laughed so much.  We were sitting on her stairs outside her house and I got a reply from Dan (her gay bro, my 1st bf) and his boyfriend drove him around to Vicky’s house so I could see him too!  Gee he looked good, and it was just great to see him again.  His bf Merv didn’t hang around as he was ‘tired’ and headed back home.  We had planned to go out to dinner at the Court Hotel, but as I was driving past, Dan pointed out that it was closed, so we opted for KFC.  There were 4 of us.  Me, Vicky, Dan and Vicky’s bf, John.  It was good to see him again too, but I didn’t talk to him much.  I can’t believe Vicky and him have been together for like 18 months, considering he’s like her 25th boyfriend haha.  I even jokingly asked her out in high school, just so I could make her boyfriend-count higher.  She said no. haha.

After I hung out with them, we went back to Vicky’s place and talked for ages more.  Then I asked Dan if he needed a lift home, and I got to see where he and Merv lived.  They have a really nice house!!  And it was good to see Merv again too.  I get the feeling maybe Merv sees me as a slight threat, as his boyfriend was my first.  But he has nothing to worry about.  We are only friends, and I hadn’t seen Dan in ages, so I was glad I did.

I’ve been thinking lately how I haven’t seen enough of my friends lately, so seeing so many friends, and meeting so many new friends of my friends felt really good!  I gave Merv and then Dan a hug goodbye and went back to Kristy’s house, as I’d left my jacket there.  I got it, and was going to head off to John and Mandy’s (who I’ve yet to meet), but Kristy gave them a call and I talked to John and he said they were headed to bed, as it was quite late by that time, and they both had to work today.  Oh well, maybe next time.

I can’t beleive how long this entry is.  I know it’s a rather boring one, but i just needed to write this so I can read back on it later in life and realise I have actually accomplished a fair bit in my life, and maintaining contacts with my friends in Toowoomba.  It was great to see them all.  Vicky wanted me to spend the night at her place, but I said to Kristy I was going to head home.  It’s quite funny cos I arrived at Kristy’s at 12:00am, and left Kristy’s at 12:00am the next day, maybe even the same day at like 11:59pm haha.  It was great though cos I didn’t have to deal with much traffic at that hour of the night!  Yeah!

Anyway I got dinner cooking, should check on it.  OMG did anyone watch the Eurovision Song Contest?  How good was THAT!?  The guys from Latvia were so fucking hot!  And Greece won!!  They were SO good, I just HAD to get their song, which was, "You’re my number one".  What a song!  The chick danced and sang and the whole group was with it.  So next year it’ll be in Athens!  Woohoo!  I’m so happy I got to see it, and I’m also glad that Angela got evicted from Big Brother!!!  She was a bitch.  God I had amazing sex with Luke this morning too.  I crawled into bed at 2:00am, and I’m amazed I didn’t wake him up, so he was surprised when he woke up to see me asleep next to him.  I guess I just missed him.  I don’t think I’ve ever accomplished so much in a 24-hr period!  Love ya guys!