Meeting my brother today

So I’m apparently meeting up with my older brother this morning.  Fuck it’s gunna be weird.  We’ve never really been close 🙁  But he’s made the effort to let me know he’s in town and wants to meet up, so I’m going to make the effort.  I just don’t wanna be sitting there all awkward and like ‘Ummmm’ cos I really have no idea what to say.  Last I heard about him was he had a real issue with me being gay – other than that, I only ever hear how he is through the parents.  Yeah, we’re not exactly a tight-knit family – certainly not with my siblings.  Pretty sure my older brother and younger brother live together up there in mt isa now.  I kinda went my own way years ago, and we only really see each other at special events, and even then it feels like forced conversation.

So now I’m wondering how I’m gunna behave today – if I’m gunna put on a straight macho voice and talk about chicks and tits with my bro, or if he can just deal with it.  I was thinking about it last night, if he wants to see the real me, then I ain’t gunna be putting on no act.  I dunno what the real me is, but I’ve decided I’m gunna go into it myself and not create some drama production.  He wants to meet me, he can meet ME.

I am nervous though.  Not once have I ever sat down with my older brother (or any of my siblings really) for a coffee/meal or whatever we’re doing.  I know he dropped a friend off at the airport at 6am.  I finished work at 5am and then went to gym.  I had a really good session today – there were a few other guys there, bigger than me, and I was lifting heavier weights than them lol – so that made me feel good 🙂  Damn wasn’t easy though! lol!  I didn’t let them intimidate me or anything, I just concentrated on what I had to do, and got out of there 🙂

Work was pretty good – had to do the changeover.  Thankfully the chick before me started to clear the shelves for me, so that was a HUGE help.  Had this customer come in as SOON as I swapped swifts, and he paid for his $45 in fuel in 5 cent pieces.  GAH!!!  Yup, nine-hundred 5 cent pieces, all in different bags of $5.  I just trusted him and let him go, and my workmate said I was too nice.  No way I was makin him wait while I counted them all.  My workmate stayed back and helped me count them all – I think only one bag was 5 cents short, but that’s cool – the guy was honest 🙂  And my till balanced, so sweet!  I worked pretty hard last night, and it was busy, I got all the changeover done, so I was very happy with myself.  Also saw on the roster I not only have the weekend off, but the first 3 days of next week, so woooo 5-day weekend 🙂  This 7 days straight will be worth it.  Three to go now!  Then I did gym after work, as I mentioned.  Now I’m just nervous waiting to meet up with my brother.  I kinda wanna ask him about his divorce and if he really has an issue with my sexuality.  He’s 9 years older than I am, surely he’s met gay people before.  I’m also looking forward to seeing him.  He is my brother after all, but it just doesn’t feel like it as we are so distant from each other.  My younger brother and my older brother seem to get along quite well.  I’ve always seemed like the odd one out, so I’m kinda looking forward (as nervous as I am) to seeing if this meet up can maybe patch things up a little. 

I don’t even really know what his personality is like :/  how bad is that?