Lay It All Out On the Table!

Wendy’s Cunt Song – Wendy (South Park)

Mrs. Landers was a health nut,
she cooked food in a wok.
Mr. Harris was her boyfriend,
and he had a great big..
cock-a-doodle-doodle the rooster just won’t quit,
and I don’t want my breakfast,
because it tastes like..
shitzus make good house pets,
they’re cuddly and sweet,
monkeys aren’t good to have ‘cos they like to beat their..
meeting in the office a meeting in the hall,
the boss he wants to see you so you can suck his..
Balzac was a writer he lived with Alan Funt,
Mrs. Roberts didn’t like him but that’s cuz she’s a..
contaminated water can really make you sick,
your bladder gets infected and blood comes out your..
dictate what im saying ‘cos it will bring you luck,
and if you all don’t like it, I don’t give a flying fuck.

Hahaha, as you can tell I’ve been on a South park rampage song listening day.

Warning about this entry – please do not read it if you are easily offended or a commitment-freak (i.e – i-love-you-so-much-and-theres-no-one-else) – If you’re in a loving committed relationship, you might wanna close the window now.

One day I’m gunna look back on this entry and shake my head, but it needs to be said right now.  Gay readers may understand me a little better than my straight readers will, but you never know – Just a feeling I get.

My second entry for today, but I went for a drive to the shops and i was thinking a lot, and it’s a touchy topic i really wanna touch on.  I think it’s a main cause of all my relationship problems.  See, no matter who I’m with, I always think about other guys – how hot they are, how great It’d be to root em, whatever.  I’m only assuming that’s the same for every other gay guy out there, and a lot of the straight men for women.  i think I’ve spoken about it on more than one occasion in my diary.

Over my lifetime, especially the last few years, I’ve learnt to become very accepting of people, no matter how different they are.  ExampIes include that I think drag queens are awesome; I am proud of transgendered people for sticking to their guns and not giving a flying fuck what anyone thinks of them; I think people who choose to live a promiscuous life (and the only exception I have with that is that both sexes play SAFE) are just doing  what makesthem happy, and that’s them.  I think businessmen who go to extreme lengths to make themselves wealthy are to be looked up to, except in the instance where they fuck people over (ie. Con-men) and I have no issue with people who choose to be in open relationships, and I fully support gay marriage.

And that’s what I wanna talk about.  Open relationships.  i know, you’re probably groaning because I’ve probably talked about them that many bloody times now,but hearing how they work, knowing people in them over time, and hearing the pros and cons of them have really given me a refreshed view on them to what I used to think.

Let’s start with the definition – This is taken from a wikipedia definition of "Open Relationship"…

An open relationship denotes a relationship (usually between two people) in which participants are free to take other partners; if the couple making this agreement are married, it is an open marriage. While "open relationship" is sometimes used as a synonym for "polyamory" or "polyamorous relationship", these terms are generally differentiated. The "open" in "open relationship" usually refers to the sexual aspect of a non-closed relationship, whereas "polyamory" refers to the extension of a relationship by allowing bonds to form (which may be sexual or otherwise) as additional long term relationships:

• Some relationships place strict restrictions on partners (e.g. polyfidelity); such relationships are polyamorous, but not open.
• Some relationships permit sex outside the primary relationship, but not love (e.g. swinging); such relationships are open, but not polyamorous.

 

I used to think of a perfect relationship as being completely committed to one partner, but being gay and being raised Christian, I’ve always felt I’ve been tugging on the losing end of a tug-of-war rope, and over the years and different relationships and boyfriends and experiences I’ve had, combined with my own thoughts and view on friends and what they think of the situation, I now believe that love and sex can be completely different things.  I struggle with the ‘term’ making love at this stage in my life, but that’s not to say i don’t think it exists = I do, I’m just not in love yet, and until the day that happens, it’s just sex – getting off, that’s it.

When I first moved to Brisbane, a gay guy named Nathan befriended me when I started work at the store he worked at.  One of the first things he ever said to me was, "There is no such thing as manogamy."  While that comment took me by shock back then – today, about 4 years later, I sit and think, ‘you

know what?  I think he was almost right all along – not quite, but almost".

Now before you go thinking I’m a slut (although I’m sure many of you think that anyway LOL), MY definition of an "Open relationship" is a little different to that of wikipedia’s.  My definition of it involves a little word called "Trust", as I believe that’s exactly what an "Open Relationship" is.  OPEN means you tell your partner everything!  To me it means you can have the freedom of the fucks you want, as long as your partner is okay with it, or knows who those people are, an that at the end of the day, you’ll go back to that partner. 

I believe that having an open relationship involves an incredible amount of maturity and discussion before one can pursue it.  I’ve noticed that most people, especially in gay relationships, last a hell of a lot longer, if their relationship is Open or non-Managamous.  The diffference between an open and a non-managamous relationship is that in one, you’re partner knows about it, and the other your partner generally doesn’t.  A Non-managamous relationship is much more sexual.

See, me.  When I sit and think about it, I don’t think I could do either one, not long-term anyway.  I hate the sleaziness of it all.  I jsut like the OPTION of having that if I want it.  That’s the main issue I have with the commitment side of things is the other guy always wants to have complete control of you – wants to know where you are every second of the day – doesn’t TRUST you!  Can you see why I am all for the Open relationships?  You’re still with the partner providing him or her with love (if you’re at that stage) and your company and dedication, but if you find a connection with someone else, and you wanna fuck, you’re totally able to!  I mainly like the idea of having the ‘Option’ to make my own decisions, rather than be stuck with someone who says ‘Cheat on me  and I’ll cut your fucking balls off!’ – See, I don’t think that’s letting your partner be themself.  You’ve automatically labelled them you’re ‘Property" and gone with the stereotypical brought-on-through-the-generations "Cheating-Is-Bad" Syndrome to your partner, whether they agree with you or not.  You’ve laid down the ten commandments before your partner even gets a say in what they want from the beginning.

Why do you think so many people in relationships cheat?  There are too many reasons to.  Unfair conditions/Groundrules layed down by the partner; Something Different/Different Meal; Revenge; To break up with the person they’re with; To play the field; To feel young; To say "I’ve Still Got It"; To Feel happier about themselves for that half hour or however long it takes..

And cheating leads to break-ups – "I can’t believe you fucking did that to me you fucking bastard!!!  Get the fuck out of my house!!!", and in straights point of few, that can lead to divorce and custody of any children.  it happens all too often, the stats are there.

This is taken from the 2006 Australian Census results, available at http://www.abs.gov.au/census.

Number Of Married People (Aged 15-85 & Over):  7,900,681

Number of Single/Seperated/Divoced/Widowed: (Aged 15-85 & Over): 8,017,395

Wow, so close!  Check the website for more details.  Basically for as many marriages there are, there are just as many divorces.  See, if gay marriages were legal, it would probably bew EQUAL! 🙂  I realise those stats arent accurate as I’ve included ‘Single" people, but hey they aren’t married, so they aren’t a part of it.

I’ve heard the con side of Open/Non-Managamous relationships too, and that’s that one partner can either a) pick up an STI off someone because they lie about not using protection, or a condom broke etc,  b) Fall for the new person or, c) Don’t communicate/support each other enough about the arrangement, and all hell breaks loose.

See, that all depends on whether you can seperate your love from your lust side.  It all depends on how well you can communicate with the person you’re dating/going out with/married to.

Most of the gay guys in long relationships (and trust me there aren’t that many) I’ve read about or spoken to indirectly, said the secret to their long relationship was to have a ‘no holds barred’ attitude to their relationship.

You can’t change a person for who they are and what they want to do.  Guys (and girls) want to have fun while they are young, because, let’s face it, it’s not like you’re gunna be this young and beautiful forever…

Do people seriously go out there looking for relationships because that’s the thing to do?  That’s the thing people are expected to do?  It’s interesting thinking about this, because, if i were a straight guy, I’d have a completely different view to all of this.  If I were straight, I’d be looking for the rigght girl for me, one to hopefully have a child with, and raise that child as a loving couple.  I do think children make people settle down a lot.  When people have a distraction that big, it’d be hard to keep an open relationship going because a lot of the time and dedication would be put into loving their child (provided it was wanted lol).

i could go into a whole tangent on the unfairness of gay-marriage about this, but I have before, and i won’t.  Promiscuity in the gay community is heightened because there’s nothing to work towards in a relationship, and therefore there’s no guilt of performing adultery, because, guess what!?  there’s no much thing!

but that’s not what this is about.  This is just a personal view on Open Relationships.  Some may argue that if the one partner can’t provide you with satisfactory sex, then why be with them?  I think

that one person can offer you a fuckload in their life, sex and all – personality, intruige, humour, loyalty, love, dedication, commitment, joy, excitement, freedom – but the best thing someone can do on top of all those things is to just relax and do the best thing they can – and that’s to let their partner BE THEM.  You have no reason not to trust someone if you just lay it all out on the table to begin with!!!

GOD!!!