I feel lame

I don’t really know how to begin this entry. I guess I have to think of it in the way I think about gym when I go – that I need to do it for myself. I’m rather down this morning. It’s a usual feeling. Every so often I’ll think too much during the course of the night, or waking up, and put myself in this self-downer state. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, but annoyed at myself and my abilities and my confidence, and it just keeps on building up.

I work in a job, hardly a career. I realize this. It’s depressing me. It is such weird timing, because, although I have to work tonight, I then have another 3 nights off. I’m sure I can get this shift over with quickly, and I am generally always happy at work, just until someone pisses me off with a snide comment or something.

The sole purpose of taking this job was for it to be a uni job – something that can help me survive on something other than noodles and centrelink when I finally study. That attempt failed last year and as down as I was about it, the opportunity for mid-year entry has risen again. I can re-apply for psychology or apply for something else, and probably more likely to allow me to gain entry. Or I can just throw everything in in my life and move to another city. The thought is definitely there. I’ve lived in Brisbane for 8 years now. Such a long time. And what do I have going for me? Pretty much not much but an easy going lifestlyle full and friends, hooking up and dancing at clubs. But when I put it like that, why would I wanna give that up? I mean, I don’t have a boyfriend, or really a life here.

Then i think about all the wonderful places in this world, and how I’ve never even been overseas to explore them. I’ve seen a fair bit of Australia, but Australia is a huge country and there are many many places I have yet to see also.

Anyway I’ve got a lot to think about, and I’m only going off on a tangent here. I’ll write when I’m more focused.

^melting moments^

Maybe travelling around a bit will give you a new perspective, direction or inspiration! I think it sounds like a fab idea 🙂

TobiMac

Go while you still can. Now. Run.

Coz_I_Can

Go for it sweetie..

Over Dose

hey now, don’t diss the noodles. i could eat them all day. but all jokes aside DO IT!

RYN: Amyl is evil I can’t stand the stuff either. But some people swear by it. Just thought Id toss it in there (so to speak). Sometimes you gotta wonder about dudes that are exclusively top or bottom. Surely there is much more fun in life when you’re able to enjoy both? Do you think there would be ulterior motives (and having a massive cock is not an excuse not to bottom)?

The Prodigal

April 19, 2010

Ah, to be young! “I was old long before I ever was this young” a line from Codi, but apt. You write alot about insecurity and self-doubt, restlessness and wanting to branch out and ‘spread your wings’, so to speak…now it just takes the doing of it. What I know of you is wondrous and kind, playful and sweet, decadent and naughty…in a (sort of) innocent way. Whatever you do, andwhoever you do…let it be because it’s what YOU want or need at the time.

btw…in your note, you said you never properly thanked me for the gift. You thank me every time you note me, and even more every time you read me, whether you note me or not…and that is why you got the gift…as a thank you for all the good you’ve given me.

jessicah

From someone who just recently packed up their life and moved interstate for nothing but work…I say do it! It has been amazingly strengthening, liberating, and opening. I wouldn’t necessarily suggest Canberra (haha) but just get out there and go somewhere! Worst case scenario, it doesn’t work out, so you move back to Brisbane – easy! Life’s about living, so I say take a chance:)

alwayssomeguy

You sound so much like me sometimes. I get the urge for travel all the time, unfortunately, I’m not really in a place where I can just go where I wish at my leisure. If I can say anything about depression, from what I understand it’s being down all the time and not being able to get back up. We all have dips in the road–you’ll get through this downtime alright. I believe in you!

J henry

*HUG*

I feel the same way sometimes. I have lived in alot of places but I always come to find they suck and I move on..Maybe I need to stay put for a while..But then I am getting ready to move to a place I have never been..Only b/c I have been told I’ll have a house and money if I do..I think it maybe blackmail? But I am doing it anyways..Family sucks sometimes..Huggs Mermz

iLander

April 28, 2010

See the States, or anywhere really. Now’s your chance!