Gay guy must-do’s

I love coming across lists that make me laugh.  Apparently these are the things all gay guys should do in their lives =)  Everyone else, real entry back <<<<<<< thataway <<<<<<
Looks like I’ve done 36 of the 50 here =)

1. Out yourself.
This is kind of fundamental, so if you haven’t done it yet, go do it now. Go on. We’ll Wait.

2. Dance on a podium with your shirt off.
This is most likely to occur at a nightclub or dance party, but score extra points for doing it at your sister’s wedding. Being swept up in the music, the crowd, and being half naked is what they mean by the term ‘gay abandon’.

3. Call it ‘product’.
One day it was hair gel, the next it was product. What changed? You went gay, that’s what.

4. Measure yourself.
Curiosity got the better of you and you took a ruler to your privates. Then ego got the better of you and you added an inch.

5. Sleep with your ex-boyfriend.
Most of us have done this. Those of you who haven’t
slept with your ex-boyfriend have probably slept with mine. Slut. It’s not only an easy lay, it’s a good way to find out exactly how over him you really are.

6. Pay too much for clothes.
You paid $270 for a cotton T-shirt bearing the slogan "poor white trash". Ever heard the term ‘the pink dollar’? What about ‘sucker’?

7. See a shrink.
There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. Besides, who else will sit and listen to you talk about you for 55 minutes?

8. Bring your boyfriend home to meet Mom and Dad.
You dressed him, told him what he could and couldn’t say, then threw him to the lions – I mean, your parents. If he was a stuttering mess it was probably your fault. Next time, ease him in with a brother or sister.

9. Seriously ask someone, "Does this make me look gay?"
It’s one thing to use the word ‘gay’ as an adjective, but another when it becomes derogatory. How many of us are horrified when our friends turn around and say "Yes"?

10. Vogue.
From the dance floor to the train, you’ve struck a pose that optimized your best asset. Namely, your ass. Work it baby, work it!

11. Go to Mardi Gras.
At some point, everyone should make the pilgrimage to the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. To be counted. To champion gay rights. To get laid.

12. Buy expensive underwear.
Gay men don’t buy their underwear in economy packs. If you’re still spending seven days in Rio, it’s time to lay down some cash. Your boyfriend will thank me for it. Right after he gets over the suspicion that you’re sleeping with someone with money.

13. Don’t correct the pronoun.
They say "Oh, you’re in a relationship? What’s she like?" and you reply "She has a penis." You should never intentionally use your sexuality as a punch line – but every now and again it’s good for the cause and can be an amusing icebreaker.

14. Have a threesome.
If you believe you’re more than one man can handle maybe you should get another one.

15. Shave something.
You went with a razor where most men don’t. You plucked where no man has been plucked. You waxed above and beyond. Gay much?

16. Pierce something.
In a moment of bravado, you went and put another hole in your body. Bonus point if it was below the neckline and another if it was below the waist.

17. Refuse to date someone because he’s an Aries.
And you’re a Pisces; it’d never work out long term. Best you find yourself a nice reliable Taurus with their moon in Virgo and settle down in the suburbs.

18. Defend Buffy.
Be it for it’s place in gothic culture or it’s modern take on a woman trying to balance career and personal goals, you justify watching one of the most frivolous and camp shows on television. It has nothing to do with Angel’s upper body.

19. Cheat.
Yeah, yeah, calm down. I know this isn’t exclusive to gay men, but you gotta admit, we do it a little more spectacularly than most.

20. Acquire a fag hag.
More essential than your mobile phone, more fashionable than your Gucci glasses, your fag hag is your mentor, support network and second opinion all wrapped up in one slightly overweight and completely smitten package. Available where most cheesecakes are sold.

21. Relate to a Kylie song.
You can’t get him out of your head, you’re shocked by the power of love, but he’s the devil you know. Je ne sais pas pourquoi? It all seems to sum up your relationship. Assuming you’re fortunate to be in a relationship. I should be so lucky.

22. Leave.
You must leave the place you were born and reinvent your new gay self somewhere else. From London to Sydney, Sydney to New York, New York to LA. You’ve been to Paradise, but you’ve never been to me–er, I mean you.

23. Forget his name the morning after.
Assuming, of course, he ever told you the night before. If you still want it, there’s three ways to get it: ask him to spell it, ask to see the photo on his drivers licence or get him to put his number into your mobile. Of course, these are also good ways to discover if he’s remembered yours.

24. Satisfy someone’s curiosity.
"I’m not gay, I’m just curious." Uh-huh. The straight boy community service bonk. Bonus point for getting his tongue in your mouth. Another bonus point for getting his tongue in your bum.

25. Sleep with a woman.
If you ever want to find out exactly how gay you are, thy this on for size. Breast assured, you’ll know.’

26. Join a gym.
Mostly so you can cruise the locker room, but at some point so you can workout – work out that you don’t belong there. Buy an Ab-Shaper and some porn. You’ll sweat just as much and it’ll cost you less.

27. Believe people are surprised when they learn you are gay.
They’re not. They’re just being polite.

28. Work in hospitality.
It’s a miracle the Religious Right ever eat out.

29. Hold hands in public.
Without thinking about the politics or what anyone else thought, you simply took his hand and held it. With that simple act of intimacy you became the only two people on the planet and the rest of the world faded away.

30. Get caught in a compromising position.
Be it by your roommate, your mother, or his boyfriend you were sprung doing something you wouldn’t normally see on the Disney channel.

31. Lose your virginity more than once.</strong>
You whisper to him "I’ve never done this before," since you no longer count that worthless ex-boyfriend of yours, the guy you met on-line or that time at the sauna. And hell, it’s been so long now it’s practically closed over!

32. Perpetuate a myth.
Maybe you can cook. Or you’re an flight attendant. Somewhere close to the surface lies an obvious stereotype that belies your sexual identity and explains why you’re not married. "Oh, you’re a hairdresser. I see*"

33. Shatter a myth.
But maybe you can play football. Or you’re a brickie’s labourer. You’re an enigma wrapped in a riddle wearing footy shorts. Call me.

34. Pay for sex.
Your libido is raging, it’s his ‘actual photo’, it’s like dialing a pizza.

35. Have sex in a bathroom.
Classy. Real classy. C’mon guys, location, location, location!

36. Trophy fuck.
The guy everyone used to refer to as ‘Oblique Boy’ is now referred to as the guy you slept with. Take a bow.

37. Exercise poor judgement.
We all have someone in our past we have trouble justifying. I have two. But the elements conspired and you got involved with a perpetual black mark on your sexual resume. Now let’s never speak of it again.

38. Make Love.
At some point, let’s hope, every gay man gets to do this with the guy he loves. And not just make love, make really good love.

39. Claim you’re on a caffeine high.
Sure you are.

40. Sleep with your best friend.
Oops! But it happened and now you need to minimise the fall-out. Avoid expressions like "You’re not as good as you always claimed to be" and "Sorry, I was desperate." Bonus point if you retained the friendship and another if it was a threesome with your other best friend.

41. Fret over the lighting.
There’s always that awkward moment when you get back to your place and turn on the lights. It’s not that you’re worried he’s not as cute as he seemed at the club, but whether he’s suddenly got an "early meeting".

42. Deny you are gay.
Gay pride is all well and good but on some occasions it’s wise to pretend you’re straight – at least until that mean old homophobe of a grandfather’s dead and you’ve inherited the cash.

43. Donate sperm.
You’re young, handsome, virile and you can co-ordinate your wardrobe. There should be more of you in the gene pool. And considering all the sperm donations you’ve received, maybe it’s time to give some back.

44. Cut someone’s hair.
Our sexuality affords us the presumption to redecorate our friends’ apartments, arrange their wardrobes and occasionally, cut their hair. What I love is that the breeders are stupid enough to let us do it.

45. Can the small talk.
You don’t care what he does for a living, where he bought his shirt or his opinion on performance poetry, just take me home. I’m a busy man.

46. Wear stilettos.
You may do it every weekend, or maybe you did it once in private, but at some point, those high heels had you under their spell.

47. Laugh it off.
Someone in the room made a homophobic joke and you were the first one to laugh. Or maybe you made the joke. Stop taking it all so seriously. We’re gay. It’s supposed to be fun!

48. Fall in love with a straight guy.
Love is blind – and stupid too. Nothing proves that point more than when we do this to ourselves. If you’re questioning his sexuality or sitting there wishing, "If only he was gay*," you need to get over it real quick or subject him to this test.

49. Take it up the butt.
It’s not everyone’s cup of cocoa but you’ve gotta do it once to find out.

50. Be proud. 
You’ve come a long way baby!