Feelin’ alright!

I’ve been to gym twice in the last two mornings, both times at 2:30am 😀  It’s surreal, going there at that time – the lights have been on both times, but there’s been no-one there, so either someone’s just left, or the cleaner has been in.  I absolutely love it by myself there.  Of course there are always risks involved, but I just love how I can dance to the music playing there and show off in front of the mirrors hahaha.  I’m kinda at the stage now where I look at my own body in the mirror and I’m quite happy with it 🙂  A few years ago when I looked at it, I’d go ‘Ewwww’.  I still majorly need a tan, but these damn winter chills are making that very rare!  I’ve thought about the whole fake one, but I hate how FAKE it looks on so many people – you do see the occasional flawless one though!  I know I’m too white!  It’s good to have a somewhat defined/slim body, but it kinda defeats the purpose when i look like an albino 🙂

But when it comes to talking with other guys about my body, I don’t see myself as defined as such.  But last night I was on webcam (which I rarely do) with a few random MSN contacts who I don’t know that well, and I didn’t really care, and one guy wanted me to stand up to see my ‘muscles’.  I was like ‘what muscles?’ lol but of course I knew he just wanted to see what i was packing.  Didn’t happen lol.  It’s not like I haven’t done that before, but I don’t see webcam for that purpose really.  I’d rather act like an idiot on webcam with Kiki – it just sucks everyone else just wants to see your cock all the time.  Then again, I gotta remind myself where I add most of these guys from – Manhunt, Gaydar – yeah, go figure!  So I can’t judge them.  Most of the time I just don’t go on webcam at all.  This one guy was chatting to me last night when he saw me log in – apparently I served him at work, so he went on webcam to see if I’d recognise him.  I didn’t, but what a cool guy and an intellectual conversation.  He couldn’t believe I was 26 haha.  I love looking younger than I am, but I’m a little concerned this haircut might have fucked that up lol.

Thanks for saying you like the haircut guys – I just couldn’t believe how much she took off, so I’m very self-conscious of it.  I’m probably gunna cop shit for it from the cabbies when I’m back at work tonight.  At least it’s a Thursday night, which generally means there aren’t too many drunks, and there’s no load to fill either, so hopefully it’ll be a pretty crusiy night.  The weekend I’m not looking forward to though.  It really depends if there’s a game on at the Gabba.  Last time there was a game on there, the pub up the road burnt down! lol!

I listened to Charice’s debut album on the weekend – you know that Phillipino girl with the powerhouse voice?  Wow, yeah that’s all i gotta say about that.  For some reason I’m listening to Lady Gaga’s album at the moment.  The songs on the album she hasn’t actually released that is – yeah not many – but the music is making me feel all nice and stuff, so that’s good.

I haven’t seen a doctor about depression, but I took a few online tests to see what I’d come up as.  I’m in the low-risk catagory, which I knew I would be.  I think I know how to handle it when it happens, I just gotta keep myself busy, but I guess when it sets in, doing shit is the last thing you wanna do.  I’ve always been skeptical about taking a pill to help your mood – just seems weird to me you know?  I’m just ignorant to how it all works to actually help you make yourself feel better.  I think of a pill like that, and I wonder why there isn’t a pill that can turn you straight haha – ok, being weird now.  Depression to me just seems like something every single person on the planet goes through, right?  I mean, we cry when we’re upset?  Doesn’t it make sense to be depressed when we’re let down?  See, that’s just how I’ve always seen it.  I guess when you combine boredom with alcohol and your thoughts, it’s easy to see how depression can kick in.  I dunno, it’s a nasty thing – it’s great to see it’s treatable.  I dunno if I need treatment for it though, I’m moreso very aware of it.

So yeah I’m back to work tonight, and of course there’s a party this weekend lol.  Typical.  I spent the last 5 nights off in a row wondering what to do.  All I really did do was play Millionaire City on facebook (my god that game is addictive lol) and went to gym.  this mobile internet is pretty good!  It’s only stuffed up once on me so far, and the usage isn’t as bad as i thought it was gunna be.  I’ve used 700mb of the 8gb so far, and that’s til the end of the month.  I’m still confused as to how I’m gunna get my bill and pay it though!  I’m really gunna have to ring em, which will cost heaps on my mobile, but oh well.  Ironic that it costs a fortune to ring your own mobile company right?

I got home from gym, and I was really tired hey!  I ended up passing out asleep again!  That was weird, and when I woke up I had the biggest hard-on!  Stupid body doesn’t make sense to me most of the time I swear to God.  I had no reason to be hard, I just was.  Usually I don’t wake up hard at all!  I did pass out in my gym clothes from this morning though (I don’t really sweat much don’t worry haha), so I had to wonder if the different clothing feeling caused anything haywire down there – haha, you’d think after all these years I’d’ve figured the thing out by now, but nope 😛  I changed position and it went away, so maybe the blood was just trapped in there, or something.
Pretty sure all of my readers are chicks and gay guys anyway, so you can deal with it 😀

Feeling good after the sleep though! 🙂