Day 1 — Your oldest friend

I really have to think back to think who this would actually be. Someone who’s been my friend since childhood, whom is still my friend today. That’s kinda sad that a name doesn’t automatically pop up when I think about that 🙁 People always come and go. I can think of family, who behave more like friends, but as for actual friends, that’s a toughy. I’d like to have had a friend from childhood whom I am still great friends with today, but unfortunately I don’t believe there is one. Let me have a think about it. Not so much from early childhood, but I think I know who it would be…

Dear Aaron,

I guess you’d be it. I met you when you were about 13 or 14 years old, on a Christian camp of all places. The ironic thing about our friendship developing was that it didn’t really happen ON the actual camp, but more-so the bus ride home. I never thought a bus ride could change my life, but that one trip, from the Sunshine Coast to Roachdale, really did. Even to this day, I have not felt a feeling like I did that afternoon/night. It’s almost like you were my angel who came into my life when I had given up hope. Our conversation, our connection was surreal. Sexuality wasn’t even a viable option back then, or even a thought. I was just absolutely astounded by someone so mature and beautiful in every way, and you treated me better than anyone could ever ask for. I remember getting back to the church where we had to catch our respected rides back to our homes, and my head was in a pillow on your lap, and we smiled and we laughed.
I don’t believe I can ever forget that.
After I’d headed back to the farm, I longed to contact you, and even felt stupid when I rang you, but the few times you did respond to emails and chatted to me on the phone gave me hope I had a real friend. I think back on it now, and realise how clingy I must have seemed, not even knowing who I was, but having a connection to a boy really opened up my eyes and made a lot of sense to me. I truly respected you, and to this day, I respect you just as much. You have always remained true to yourself.
I remember a lot of the things you said to me, such as ‘We’re all inadequate in our own eyes’ – whether you got that quote from elsewhere or not, it rang true with me. You really opened up my eyes, that’s for sure.
You’re the reason I originally moved to the city I live in now, as I felt you were the only true friend I had, yet I didn’t realise back then it was a journey of self-discovery. 8 years later, I’m still here, and although we aren’t as close as we used to be, it’s amazing knowing I can call on you pretty much anytime, and you’ll be there – just like you were over a decade ago. And I still feel the same warmness and calm.
Writing this letter brings back vivid memories for me, reminiscent so strong. You were always open-minded and non-judgemental, and even years later, the day I came out to you, I was absolutely terrified, yet even that day, your only response was to hug me. As I lay there on the ground crying, you walked over, lay next to me, and put your arms around me. You didn’t even have to say anything. I felt safe. Your response to my sexuality was 100 fold stronger than it was to even my own parents. You could have rejected my friendship after that day, however you embraced it. You even teased me, flirted with me, completely innocent between us, yet you made me feel loved by someone I loved being loved by.
I remember that same day i came out, your mum knew why I was so upset. She whispered it in your ear, out of audio-reach from me. You were surprised and exclaimed ‘How did you know!?’ and she said she could tell. She then said to him, ‘I think you’re gay too Aaron.’ I laughed to myself inside. Your immediate nonchalant response was, "I like girls too much to be gay."
How true it is. You always knew who you were, I was struggling with whom I was. The church (ironically how we met), didn’t help my cause, telling me to be someone who I wasn’t. You however, told me to be me.
I remember in my car another day when you said to me, ‘If you were a girl, you’d make the perfect girlfriend’.
I’d never felt more flattered in my life, and nothing has even complimented me more to hear those words from someone with a caliber such as yours.
It amazes me to see you with your now fiance’ and a beautiful woman she is. I knew you’d make the perfect girl happy one day, I really did. It pained me to see you struggle, and then finally, your princess came along. I am so flattered to be invited to your wedding, and I believe I’ll probably be the one there with the biggest smile on my face and the most tears in my eyes.
This letter is just to say thank-you.

-Matt