Are you happy?

 It would really suck if you were a siamese twin — your other half was gay, and you were not…and you shared the same ass..

I had to laugh when I heard this one, and Aaron laughed his head off when I shared it with him.

Hahaha it was interesting today.  Luke didn’t start work til 5pm today so we played tennis this morning.  It was a really challenging match!  Usually i beat him, but this time Damn I had to work hard for the points!  In the first set, he was kicking my ass 3-0, and I ALMOST managed to get it back to 4-4, but he did a few amazing shots and shot ahead to win the set 6-4.  He kicked me ass!  Damn he played a good game!  i was just so exhausted and I said that to him as we changed ends.  Of course it was true, but it was also an excuse for losing lol.  I was really happy he’d played such a good game and he seemed really content too, and shouted a ‘YES!!’ as my final shot just cleared the baseline.  Haha, I think it’s because we’ve been watching the French Open on tv.  We both absolutely love tennis, and have our favourite players.  We both agree that Andy Roddick is hot, but not as hot as he used to be.  Luke even joked once when we were having sex in front of the tv that if Andy Roddick came on the television he’d be suspicious as to what I was thinking lol!  I’m glad we can be open.  I actually got home to find him with his pants around his ankles, whilst on the net.  haha, someone got a bit horny i see.  I pretended I didn’t notice as I went to get more groceries from the car.  I mean, how embarrassing.  i know I would be.  He totally didn’t hear my car pull in the drive, and when I opened the door, there he was.  Haha I don’t care.  He can look at as much porn as he likes.  God I do the same, just keep my clothes on when I do it lol.  Unless I KNOW I’m alone.  Usually I like Nifty rather than the pic sites, but sometimes you like a change.  I guess he wasn’t expecting me back so early.  When I came back inside with my first load of groceries, he’d re-adjusted himself.  We just went on talking about the French Open.  I really like Sharapova and Ivanovic in the women’s draw.  Mens, gotta go Safin or Federer or Nadal, they are on a roll.  Nadal’s kinda cute too for a guy with long hair, which i usually don’t go for.

Luke got home from work last night, slammed the keys on the table, and stormed off to our room.  Of course, me being concerned, I followed him in.  he had his head in his hands and wouldn’t talk to me.  I asked him ‘what’s wrong baby?’ a few times cos I thought maybe something horrible had happened, like he’d been fired or something, but I eventually got it out of him that he’d just had a shocking day at work.  It was so busy apparently.  He also said that ‘Matt’ (the rich guy he met up with a few days ago) send him a message, and Luke knows he wants to go out with him, and even though Luke has mentioned me, he goes, ‘are you happy? I can give you anything you want’.  Luke was upset cos all he wants is friends and he’s obviously not getting that from this guy.  Of course after I pondered this, i went into the kitchen and started doing the dishes.  I musta been scrubbing the knives a little too hard cos Luke went to get something out of the fridge and kiss me, and he noticed my tears splashing into the dishwater.  He asked me what was wrong.  And I was really upset and pissed off.  I was REALLY pissed off at ‘Matt’.  I said, "He just really pisses me off!!’ through tears, and he couldn’t quite hear through my muffled tears so I repeated myself more sternly, "He just PISSES me off!".  Luke says, "Matt?’ and I said "Yes!!"  I explained how it was just like the Mick thing.  Luke was pissed off at Mick cos he thought Mick didn’t respect him and i said to Luke that it was obvious this ‘Matt’ fuckwit didn’t respect me!  "Are you HAPPY!?" I quoted, "How fucking rude is THAT!!?" Luke said, "I know" and cuddled me and just tried to calm me down.  I was in tears, and me having blue eyes like I do, they go red when i’ve been crying, so I couldn’t look at Luke out of shame.  I didn’t want him to know I was upset, I was trying to be brave.  lol I’m obviously not very good at it.  Luke reassured me that I’m the only one in his life and that no-one could ever compare to what he has with me.  He really made me feel a lot better.  I know on previous occasions when I’ve been envious or upset, he’s mentioned, "i’m not a gold-digger."  He also said that if he ever would cheat on me, not that he would, he’d call me and break up with me first.  I found that interesting.  I guess you need to be honest.  I told Luke last night I was upset cos I know he deserves so much more than I could ever give him, and he says, ‘awww darlin’, you give me everything in the world, and more’.  We cuddled all night and went back to our usual selves.  What also made me upset is cos I know what rich gay guys are like.  They think they can have anyone and use their money as a form of attractiveness.  I’m sorry but money means greediness, which means moodiness, selfishness and money is number 1 in their lives behind their partners.  They try to lure you in with it, and then think you’re happy and take you for granted, when in actual fact you’re feeling along cos they don’t have time for you.  Money doesn’t buy happiness.  Love does.  I can’t believe I’ve been with Luke for over 5 months.  I said to him that I never thought in my wildest dreams growing up that I would ever be living the life I am now, with someone like him, who is intelligent, hot as, funny, and has a hell of a body.  i seriously can’t stop feeling him.  Last night he had the best orgasm of his entire life – his words not mine.  I was so happy I made it happen.  When I was talking to James last night and mentioning the religious hypocrisy luke had been receiving, he was horrified and said, ‘you’re not going to break up are you!?’.  I said ‘No, we love each other too much, but if we did it would be for an entirely good reason, not a bad one.’ God I think about it now howw strange it would be to go back to being friends with Luke.  How fucking strange.  I wouldn’t be able to control myself, I’d probably try to latch myself onto him every time I saw him and cry knowing we used to be together.  But we are together.  I’m thinking of believing in God and going to SNL every so often cos of my friends in Toowoomba, but not listening the criticism I get from my ‘friends’.  I think from now on anyone who brings it up I will tell to their face to fuck off.  I wonder if that’ll work.  I know I’m too nice for that, but hearing it come from someone they see as a nice guy might actually have an effect.  I can understand why I never see the other gay guy

(Aaron) at SNL anymore. 

I bought a ‘Full Frontal" dvd today.  I can’t wait to see it.  i got it at the JB sale today.  Michael Anthony and Mick both rang me today, Michael Anthony asking if I’d go out, I told him so cos I hate gay clubbing, and Mick just to chat.  He’s doing well and I’m glad things are back to normal with him, he’s actually a good guy.  I’m going back to my old work at Annerley on Friday morning so I can have a celebration tea break cos my friend Mark (also my ex) is leaving to start another job.  Annerley is where we first met and started going out and we both had a pretty huge impact on each others lives.  I’m so glad we’re back to being friends, as kind of weird as it sometimes still feels, but we really have a lot more respect for each other.  it only took us like a year and a half to talk again after I broke up with him.  I realise he was the first guy who really loved me.  And now we only love each other as friends.  The love I feel for Luke is like no other.  It’s great we know we check out other guys, we even compare our thoughts on some guys and joke around and stuff.  It’s when one actually tries to get in that either Luke or I get upset.  I guess that’s gay guys for ya.  We both don’t like the idea of a non-manogamous relationship, that isn’t love.  I mean maybe it is for some guys, like they might really love their partner, but just like getting some on the side with another hot guy they meet, and I can see that because of my experience knowing Terry and Nathan when I did, who were the first gay couple I knew who were open to the idea.  I could never do it.  I wouldn’t feel right.  That’d be cheating and there’s no excuse for it.  Not me, not I.  haha had to fit the Delta song in there.  Oh, and shock/horror – I’m actually becoming more accepting of bi guys.  Like I’ve always been one to think you’re one or the other, and if you’re bisexual you just like the sex cos you can have it with either, but never actually be able to settle down cos you would never know who you were.  But, maybe that’s just how some people are.  Let them be like that.  Straight, Bi or Gay, good on ya I say.  Live your life like there is no other.  Just be moralistic.  I like to try to be.