A New You

Torn – Natalie Imbruglia

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that man I adored
You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for
But I dont know him anymore
Theres nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I dont care, I have no luck, I dont miss it all that much
Theres just so many things that I cant touch, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn. torn.

Theres nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings right, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and Im ashamed bound and broken on the floor
Youre a little late, Im already torn

I have about an hour to kill before I go to the shopping centre and meet up with Luke for coffee before he takes me to the airport.  It’s kind of weird cos this doesn’t yet feel like a holiday for me.  I woke up this morning with that great feeling of waking up knowing I don’t have to go to work cos it’s the weekend, but also realising that I don’t have to go to work for ages! YAY!  So I packed all my clothes last night – I have a big suitcase cos ya just never know.  A gay boy’s gotta be prepared.  I’ll probably wear like 2 or 3 of the items and that’ll be it, but hey. 

I’m so excited to be meeting up with my best friend again.  It’s been a few years since I’ve seen him, and it will be interesting to see how much he has changed.  I, of course, am a little nervous about what he’ll think of me, which is silly cos Sam’s not the type to judge.  He’s one of the most brilliant, forthright, down-to-earth guys I’ve ever come across.  he sent me messages last night saying he just got my bed all made for me (which is actually a mattress, but hey, I’d be AMAZED if he could actually track down a spare bed haha) with a pillow and blankie.  He said it was new, so makes me wonder whether he went out and bought it.  His new apartment is apparently small, so I don’t wanna feel too bad about taking up too much room!

His last message I got from him was ‘I’ve got a big surprise for you!’ – now I was excited about this, and I still am, but it was dampened a little when I went on msn and one of his friends (also his ex) told me that Sam and his new boyfriend are really cute together.  Back up a sec… BOYFRIEND?  So THAT’S what the big surprise will be!  This must have happened really quick or Sam’s just been hiding it all this time, cos I never knew about this!  And Sam and I tell each other everything!!  So now when I get to the airport, I have to pretend that I’m clueless about everything.  Oh gee, I dunno if I can pull that up.  there’s kind of a sense of guilt/fakeness pretending you don’t know something when you do.  Either way I’m gunna be that excited to see him, and also that excited that he has a new boyfriend on top of it!  All I’ve been told is he’s apparently a cute Irish guy!  Innnnnteresting :D:D  I can’t wait to meet him!!  *must act like i don’t know*

Everything’s packed, suitcase is in the boot of the car, I’ve just got my carry-on bag (which should be interesting as I’mk not sure whether anything has changed since those London threats for on-board baggage) but if so I should have enough room in my suitcase to transfer everything over.  It’s just that it’s a five hour flight so I wanna be able to read or write or something when I’m up there.  I’ve got my IRiver too, so music should keep me entertained, and, depending whether or not I get seated next to an ugly old guy with man-boobs, sleep may be an option!  I got up a bit early this morning because I always seem to wake up early when something exciting is planned for the following day.  Dunno why, just always seem to.

Haha, I was late for work yesterday.  An hour and a half late.  My last shift and I rocked up late!  So I had to work til 7:30pm to make up for it.  Who wants to work til 7:30pm on a Saturday night!?  I made sure to skite to my workmates about my trip.  "Oh what are you doing for new years – "oh nothing just staying at home" "how bout you?’ "Oh going to Southbank to watch fireworks" "what about you" Me: "Oh, just going to Perth" acting like it’s no big deal.  They hear Perth and it seems like a hundred miles away.  Well okay, it’s actually 3600 kilometers, but hey 🙂  I know cos that’s what the plane said it was last time I went.

This time however will be a night flight, so I won’t be able to look down upon the large Salt lakes and Lake Eyre like i did last time.  Amazing scenery flying over Australia, especially the centre.  You can see how FLAT it really is.  And when you’re low enough, you can even see the kangaroos jumping across the fields, but obviously that’s only as you’ve taken off.  I reckon I’ll be so excited as the plane descends into perth airport, but right now I’m kind of waiting, anxious, want to get everything sorted at the airport with my ticketing, get on the plane and into my seat.  That and getting to the airport without a road block or traffic or a broken down car.  I’ve learnt in this life, nothing is entirely predictable.

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33ccff” size=”5″>Right now, I’m on holidays, and I wanna enjoy them to the best of my ability.

Emmylou, I’m excited about meeting you.  my first OD person I’ll have met without knowing them beforehand.  I’ve always had a great lot of respect for you learning about your life through your diary here, and it’ll be great to put our meeting up into a memory of ours.

So, this shall probably be my last entry for a while guys.  Holidays usually mean I try and stay away from the internet, but Sam has it, so who knows.  Holidays are for having fun, but they are also for being LAZY.  And trust me, I can’t wait!

To all my friends in Brisbane and Toowoomba and elsewhere, I wish you the best for the coming New Year and the celebrations – I hope you spend them with someone special to you.  You’re friendship truly means the world to me and I thank yopu for letting me be a part of your life.

 If 2006 was not a good year for you, burn a bonfire (taking heed of the fire restrictions in place atm lol), write all your problems from 2006 on a piece of paper, and watch the fire debris and ashes fly away into the night.

A new year, a new you!