03/11/2013

It was damp, chilly, and overcast all weekend … going out with a friend for pho on a rainy Saturday was just the perfect thing.  I’m not Vietnamese, but I bet pho is their ultimate comfort food.

Also got two good dog walks in, a new hairstyle, and a trip to the grocery store.  I was also called by work both Saturday and Sunday morning, which temporarily disgruntled me.

The disconnected feeling I talked about the other day is actually kind of an isolated feeling, and when that happens I think nobody’s watching and I can eat whatever I want.  THAT is the behavior I have to address.  I have been able to do that a lot less frequently over the past few years, and I’ve been able to further disguise those nobody’s-watching moments by an increase in regular exercise.  But it still exists, and I should explore that a little.  Sometimes, I do it when I’m angry (at friends, at work) because I know choosing whatever I want will cheer me up.  Often, it’s a sugar-free energy drink and a pastry before I have to do something I don’t want to do, kind of a pre-reward.  Sometimes I fall asleep on the couch and wake up wanting something rich:  either sugar, or cheese, or popcorn with butter.  Is it worth exploring the "why" behind these, or is it simply a matter of breaking bad habits?

It is worth noting that when we used to stay at my dad’s house as kids, it felt like we’d sit around for hours and the only thing pleasurable or fun to do was eat.  It wasn’t "home" for us, so it was difficult to find comfort and entertainment outside of food and TV.

I’ve been plateauing since probably Thanksgiving.  First, it was the extra food at the holidays, then it was the bad weather interrupting outdoor exercise, but now that spring is almost here my weight should start to drop again, slowly.  Today, I was 231 and a little bloated.  Early winter I was 225.  I have lost 92 pounds, and I was starting to see it for a while.  Today, and recently (probably since I became aware that I gained six pounds), I have looked in the mirror and NOT seen the weight loss.  If my pants weren’t the size 16W they were, I would be wondering if I was a size 24W again.  There was a fat roll that my arms used to rest on when they hung.  That shrunk significantly, but it feels like it’s back.  Is that the few pounds I gained, or is it my imagination?  Funny stuff, as you get to re-know your body.