Rejection

I think recently I have had my fair share of rejection. I feel like karma may have had some part in it. I did a bad thing so life is punishing me for it but I had my reasons.

I cheated on my then husband though I suppose he is still my husband until we get divorced for now we are just seperated. I tried for so long to make it work and have numerous conversations. Tried to spice out lives back up with fun and laughter and sex but failed in every way possible. I fell off the wagon. People showed me attention so I was stupid enough to get myself involved and accept the attention I wasn’t receiving elsewhere. I ended up with this one guy for a few months but he couldn’t handle being with me due to his own issues and left me all alone again feeling like I somehow wasn’t enough. My whole life I’ve never been enough. People leave all the time and get bored of me. Why would I ever want to let anyone in again. And when I like people and finally admit it it’s like they freak out or aren’t interested in me anymore. I feel like I am just one big sex toy or something. Why can’t someone just love me for me and I be enough.

Everyone tells me I am a great person and I deserve everything yet no one seems to want me in that capacity. I can’t let anyone near me anymore for fear of rejection beavuse the last few times I have it just Happens over and over again. Why? I really don’t know all I know is I’m better off alone so it would seem.