Wow, it has been almost a month

I was writing pretty regular for a while, and then, once again I moved.  I still don’t have internet access – not really – a neighbor is allowing me to tap into hers until I get mine set up.  I ordered a hotspot to use, but it never came in.  I don’t know what the hold up is on sending the box.  

I went to Texas for about two weeks from Ohio for my daughter, Vanessa’s, graduation.  It was beautiful.  It was chaotic and stressful.  I was ready to leave when it came time to leave.  My oldest daughter, Tiffany, was there for about five days.  She made a big deal out of her car.  My father purchased her a car, and it needed to be fixed, some promises had been made from the dealership which were not true.  The guy who said he would have her car fixed by a certain date failed to inform my father that he was going to be on vacation and did not give information to anyone working, but my daughter had to leave by Monday morning, and they said it would not be ready until after that.  Tiffany and Will both had to be back to work in Tennessee so had to get back.  In any case, on the day of the graduation Tiffany, my mom, and even myself were explaining things the guy at the dealership had said about the car (just talking), and my dad got very angry.  Vanessa just wanted everyone to leave, and said it always had to be about Tiffany.  Of course, Tiffany had already made a big too do over something else that took place.  She lent Vanessa her cap and gown from when she graduated.  Vanessa had the cap sitting on the couch.  Well… Corban, who was not supposed to be eating in the living room, took a drinkable yogurt into the living room, and decided to lay upside down on the couch (you know, with his head down and feet up).  He was holding the yogurt and spilled it on the cap.  Tiffany got ticked, and said it was the only thing she wanted to save.  She started crying, making threats to hurt Corban, and stomped off into another room. 

Tiffany isn’t the same girl I raised.  We are a lot alike in so many ways, but in other ways we are exact opposites.  She can be stingy, rude, and bossy.  She cusses like a sailor.  However, she is loyal to a tee, devoted, smart, and stands 100% by what she says. 

The last week I was in Texas, Vanessa had a lot of things she needed to take care of, getting registered for college, getting her truck titled and licensed, and other things.  I went with Vanessa to do these things.  I invited Whitney to go, but she always just wanted to stay home.  Mom’s internet was not working, so dad bought mom a hotspot.  He gave me the password and my mom, and my daughter Vanessa that lived there.  Whitney was not suppose to be on the internet, but one day while we were all gone she got the password off the box.  The reason they were not handing out the password is because it only has so much GB to be used.  Well… one night, shortly before we left Whitney got on something called snapchat, where you take a photo, it posts for 10 seconds and disappears, but it uses up bandwidth.  However, that is not the worst part… she once again said she was going to kill herself, and her friends (in Ohio) did not have to worry about her, and took photos of a handful of pills.  She thought I would not hear about this, because they were her friends in Ohio, and the photos disappear.  However, I got a call in the middle of the night.  

Whitney used up half my parents bandwidth within two days.  I told her last time this took place that next time she made the threat to kill herself it better not be a threat.  I love my daughter, but people who make 100 threats to kill themselves are attention seekers.  I have put her in inpatient care and they say there is nothing wrong with her.  She has gone to psychologist after psychologist.  She asked an officer to put her in jail and they would not take her.  The last psychologist said that she is seeking attention from a psychologist and it was actually harming her sending her to more, because that is what she is seeking.  I am at a loss.  We were happy in Ohio, we did everything together.  I spent one week with Vanessa and she couldn’t handle it, and she was asked if she wanted to be included.  She can’t handle someone sharing their time with someone else.

Yet, Whitney makes the threat that she can’t wait to move away, and that when she is 18 she is gone.  The lack of attention she will have when she moves is going to be incredibly tough on her.  I took her computer away, and her phone.  She has no friends in Colorado, because she has no way of contacting anyone.  She had reached out to the younglife group here, and I was happy to let her go, but I am not willing to give her the computer back to get in touch with anyone.  When she walks outside I wonder if she will walk away and never come back, or when I am sleeping I wonder if she will kill the family (though she says she could never do something like that).  She is a kind, sweet, girl.  She just tries to be someone she is not through her lies, and there is nothing at all I can do to help her through this. 

On another note…

A friend asked me if I got the chest back from the previous entry.  I did get it back, but was unable to make it fit in my car.  I ended up giving it away to someone else.  We have had to leave everything behind several times now, and it gets easier, but it is still hard.  Everything I owned that meant anything to me is gone now or broken.  These material things will never go to heaven with me, and the memory will always remain so I try to keep that in mind when I feel hurt or disappointed something is gone. 

I must admit, and this could change, but I miss Ohio!  I loved it there.  I loved everything that was around us, and I learned my way around quickly.  I loved the hiking trails, and the malls.  I loved the weather, and strangely enough I loved our apartment.  I loved the comfort of the colors, and the way we had it set up.  I don’t miss my manager at the Cabela’s there.  I felt like I had a lot to offer, as well as others, and they ignored it.  

I have not started work here in Colorado yet though, and I may feel the same way here.  I may find my way around easy, and love the malls, and the weather.  Though it is very hard for me to get used to the fact they do not have Air conditioners in Colorado homes.  The mountains are beautiful, and I can already sort of find my way to work, but haven’t mastered the getting home part yet.  

We have no money for food, so I bought $60 of food when we got here that has to last us two weeks, and I don’t know that I can pull it off.  We are out of milk, we have tons of carbs, spegghetti, ramen noodles, sausage rice and beans,

mac-n-cheese, but most of that is gone now, and having my son here who thinks he is suppose to eat constantly is tough.

Oh, one more thing then I will go.  In Texas I rented a U-haul so I could empty out my car so my kids would fit, and pick up a few things I left behind when I left to go to Ohio.  I didn’t have a hitch on the car so I had to get a hitch put on.  When I went to get the hitch I went to the counter, the guy said, go to the last counter.  I went to the next counter, he said, "the last counter"  When I got there it was none other than my former preacher I did not like from the small church I went to for 12 years.  The preacher that had got fired, went to Chick-fil-a got fired and now works for U-haul.  My mom said you better drive very slow with the u-haul.  I can’t remember her exact words but Vanessa told me what she said and it made me laugh. 

Anyway, gonna go now.  It is 3:25 in the morning and I need to try to enroll my kids in school tomorrow.

 

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