Surgery **Edit***

I had surgery this morning.  It wasn’t what I expected.  My friend showed up exactly at 6:30 as planned.  She traded her shift today for Wednesday just so she could take me.  She lives an hour away and I was more than grateful for her.  The doctor’s office is about 5-10 minutes from my house depending on traffic.  They do surgeries here I believe should only be done in a hospital.  We got to the doctor’s office and there were protesters outside (Abortion). 

Please note anything said in my diary is only my opinion.  I do not judge others based on their previous/future decisions/choices/opinions. 

I tried to pretend they weren’t there.  I tried to convince my friend they were there for a different clinic, but the truth is they were there for the clinic I was at.  My friend piped up and said, "We aren’t here for that, so leave us alone."  I said nothing.  I didn’t look at them.  They kept saying, "we will pray for your soul."  I didn’t know abortions were performed at this clinic.  I don’t support it.  I don’t give my money to help doctors support things I don’t believe in.  That would be like me saying I voted Democratic, because I liked the guy better, as opposed to I voted republican, because they support my beliefs.  

**I didn’t know there were abortion clinics here in Ohio.  There are very strict laws in Texas about abortions, it shocked me.  I didn’t know anything about abortion in Ohio**

We are different in our beliefs, that is okay.  What a boring world if we all believed the same.  I can’t change my heart and how I feel. 

In any case, I signed the papers, and they quickly walked me upstairs to a hallway with a locked door.  I am assuming it was to keep protestors out and not us in, but nonetheless we were locked in.  They took me to a room where I was sitting with two young girls, clearly there for an abortion.  I didn’t know their stories.  I couldn’t feel their fear.  We were all on our phones messing around.  They quickly called the two girls out and left me.  I waited another five minutes texting my friend.  I told her I was scared.  I wasn’t sure what to do.  I had already paid the very large bill for the surgery, and it wasn’t refundable.  If I went to the hospital or to another doctor it could be weeks to have any type of procedure done.  I chose to stay, against my belief.  Will I go back?  No.  

I like the doctor.  When he smiles at me, something inside me melts.  He told the nurses "Treat her like a VIP, she works for Cabela’s."  He likes my store.  LOL.  The thing is he meant it.  His father works in the clinic.  He said the same.  I like them, but… I can’t support them. 

I was called to the room.  I got on the table and within minutes they had me asleep.  They did the surgery.  When they tried to wake me up my heart stopped beating.  They had to do CPR on me to get me breathing again.  When I finally woke up, they said, "get dressed we will walk you downstairs"  Without further checking on me, or making sure I was okay, they were done.  I just had major surgery and they released me to my friend.  

**When I was in the recovery room, not breathing, I could still here the LOUD girl next to me.  She asked if she could use her phone.  The nurse said, "Yes."  She got on the phone and was all hyper and chipper about what she had done.  Maybe she was trying to convince herself, maybe the drugs hadn’t worn off, or maybe she really had no heart, maybe she was just too young to have any real understanding of what just took place, but nonetheless I couldn’t help, but feel sad.  When I closed my eyes it was like I could feel all the souls of those babies inside me.  It really affected me.***

I got home and immediately got sick.  I couldn’t stay awake.  I couldn’t go to the store to get my prescription.  I still don’t have it.  I slept until 10:30 tonight.  The surgery was at 7am.  I was home by 9am.  My friend stayed until 1pm.  When I woke up I had 104.2 temp, I was still sick, and my head is pounding.  I took one aleve and three advil.  My head is still pounding, but the fever is temporarily gone.  I don’t feel well.  I want to go to the hospital, but I don’t have anymore money.  I have insurance, but it only covers 80% of hospital.  Let’s not forget it is Easter weekend. 

My heart stopped and they sent me home. 

I can’t believe I just had this major surgery in a clinic. 

I feel taken.  I thought I was going to die.  I still "feel" as though I am going to die.  I’m scared.  Is it possible to get an infection this quickly?