*I have a ton on my my mind*

I have a ton on my mind tonight.  Some of it I cannot talk about, or choose not to talk about, because at least four people from my family have access to my diary.  What I say here is private, but our family has a hard time keeping secrets.  Not necessarily in a bad way, more to protect the person they are talking about from harm, or trying in some way to help them, but nonetheless… I just don’t want to talk about everything right now.  However, there is still tons I do want to talk about.

The factory exploding South of the town "West" Texas is within only a couple of miles from where my father lives and works during the week.  He lives there during the week to work then comes home one weekends, but this week he had business at home so was home, thankfully, just in case it damaged where he lived.  I called mom as soon as they got out of church to ask my dad how close he was, then my parents neighbors called, then Tiffany, my oldest.  There was not shortage of concern, but I am definitely praying for the families of those injured. 

The happenings in our apartment early morning on the 17th at 3:50 am, my neighbor behind me, the stripper was in front of my apartment, fighting with her boyfriend — NAKED!  Here was my e-mail to the apartment.  I also posted as a facebook status.

"I have trouble getting to sleep.  When I do get to sleep I do not like to be woke up at 3:50 in the morning from the people in the apartment behind me screaming, honking their horn excessively over 200 times, and making loud sounds that mean nothing, slamming doors, calls of the wild like Tarzan, etc.  I have children in this apartment that go to school in the morning.  They have their Ohio State exams this week, and do not need to be awoke or disturbed in the middle of the night.  Yes, this is an apartment building, supposodly in the good part of town, but I did not sign up for this.  I called the police, they are at the apartment of the stripper behind me, and have her boyfriend’s car blocked in (not in a spot).  It is now 4:35am and that is enough of my life wasted.  I hope that you will fix this problem or allow us to get out of our lease so that we can find a better place to live suitable to our needs.  This is ridiculous!!!!"

I went to the office today, as well as sent another e-mail stating that they could comp us one months rent, give us two months to get out of our lease without penalty, or I could contact the Television stations and tell them what is going on in our apartment as suggested by a police officer that said this is becoming a joke.  I told them under no uncertain terms I was not making threats.  

"I am asking for some kind of compensation to make up for the sleepless nights when our neighbors were screaming, slamming doors, and honking their horns; for the humility when my children look out the window and see our neighbor standing naked.  For the lost wages, when I had to come home from work, because the police being at the apartments scared my children"

Since we have lived in these apartments the police have been in our complex alone over 50 times.  The guy in

the back upstairs beat his wife (is now in jail).  The guy on the bottom back other side was a drug user/seller (has been evicted).  And finally, the strippers.  Her brothers and sister-n-law were removed from the premises, but she remained, and apparently it did not solve the problem, because now her and her boyfriend are fighting. 

Enough about that. 

So after my surgery I started getting a high fever and horrible headaches.  I worked all week last week, but my human resource manager came to me and said without a work release I could not be there (all because she could tell I was not feeling well at the end of my 14-hour-shift).  I was upset.  I worked all week and she said nothing to me.  So, I called over 25 family doctors.  Not a one could get me in before four weeks.  I cannot miss that much work.  So, I went to the hospital.  They almost admitted me, they said I had a fever over 100.  I was very anemic, my blood pressure was high (which it has never been, not ever!).  The gave me dalaudid, a very strong addictive pain medicine, but the headache did not go away, even though it lowered my blood pressure.  The hospital would not give me a release back to work.  They said I was in no condition to work.  I finally found a family (private) doctor that will see me next Monday.  Here is the dilemma, I missed a week of work after the surgery, now I am missing another week.  I am up for a great promotion, but I might lose my job over this.  The human resource lady told me she wanted me to fill out a form for short term disability or leave, but she never sent me the papers.  If I lose my job I don’t know what I will do.  I just moved 1200 miles to work here, not to lose my job.  Great if I promote and go somewhere else, but what if I don’t promote now because of this stupid surgery.  

Next…

My daughter Whitney — I was so proud of her for wanting to go to the career center and agreeing to graduate a year later.  Even though she would graduate a year later, she would have an associates degree with culinary arts background from the career center.  Even if this is not what she wants to do with her life, she would have it behind her, and could still persue what she wants to do, BUT… she doesn’t want to.  She wants one thing and that is to be a professional singer.  Let me tell you why this burns me up inside.  I should be a supporting mother, and I am trying

to be BUT… she has been in Choir for three months.  She has never had voice lessons, she doesn’t read notes, she doesn’t play instruments.  She doesn’t sing.  So, she is going to throw everything away with the hopes she can be a professional singer, even though it is something she has never done.  I am not saying she can’t, but she hasn’t put out the effort thus far to succeed at her dream.  You have to work at your dreams, even if they are ones that you have a great passion for.  So, last night I looked up the top 30 music schools, I got the e-mail addresses to each admission office, and dean’s office.  I compiled a letter to each pleading for them to help my daughter with her dream.  Again, I am trying to be supportive.  I looked at requirements, such as GPA, whether she has to have SAT/ACT, what her scores need to be, etc. etc.  I signed her up for an account with the community college here.  If she registers soon she can take a class for the summer.  The more community college classes she has the easier it is going to be for her to get into a University.  

Moving on..

My old church in the small town I used to live in hired a new preacher.  My daughter, Vanessa, and my parents really like this guy.  That says a lot, because each of us questioned the last two preachers.  It is awkward that this preacher has the same last name as the previous preacher, but there is no relation.  I cannot wait to go home in June and visit the church.  I am going to see if I can work a day or two at my old store when I go home, just so I can be around my old friends.  I want to get together for lunch with one of my good friends there, and do a couple other things.  

The guy I like, I did not say much about, because I don’t like my diary to be controversial, but I really think I am falling for this guy.  He is black.  My older family members are against mixed race dating, and it has always caused guilt/stress in me, because I have turned down a couple of great relationships, to please my family, but I am getting older.  I want to be in love, and well… I am going to be with who makes me happy.  I have not shared this information with my parents yet, but I do plan too. 

When I go home for Vanessa’s graduation.  I think I am going to rent a motel.  There is going to be a lot of people at my parents house.  My oldest daughter and her boyfriend, Will.  My brother, Eddie.  Who knows if Vanessa will have someone staying, but that is just a lot of people at one house.  I will just have to wait and see.  I am staying for a week, and don’t know if I can afford a week in a motel.  

Okay, this has gone on long enough.  I doubt anyone is going to read all of this, but wanted it here for my record.