Emotions/Work/Stress
My emotions are all over the place. My stress level is through the roof. Now, stress can come from both good and bad. I believe my stress is a little of both. I bit off more than I can chew. I am trying to hard, to fast, for too much. Rejection hurts. I get in way over my head. As easily as I can impress others I can turn them away. I stick my foot in my mouth. I get excited, impatient. I am not like anyone else I know. I don’t know where my actions come from or how I became like I am. I do know I have always been like this. My emotions they are deep, and I have a way of expressing them through writing, and it scares people. I have been told, not once, but more than once. When I have a feeling of passion, love, empathy, it isn’t like any other, it is strong and deep. I can have a strong friendship and someone could take it for love, because of the way I express myself. I am a giver. Not because I am trying to buy someone, but because it is my way of showing my appreciation, but others take it as fake. I am as real as I know how to be. I don’t know how to be anything else.
All that being said. I have a lot going on. I work 8-5 everyday this week. Tomorrow (really today, the 1st), I have I am suppose to have two interviews with the Colorado stores. One in Lonetree, one in Thornton. I e-mailed and asked for a phone interview; Thornton turned me down (not sure why). I know they can make it happen. Lonetree e-mailed and said they would get back with me when they had a better understanding of time available to do the phone interview, but then nothing. I have not heard back, so I don’t know if I am to expect my phone interview tomorrow or not. It is two hours difference, so it would be for 6pm my time and 4pm there time. If I get the job with Lonetree, it will most likely only be a lead position (one step above a normal sales floor associate). This has no help moving, nothing. The only good that comes from it is I will have moved up a position, and will most likely be able to move up in the store.
When I was driving home today I got a call from the Colorado store. I thought it was for one of the interviews. I missed it, but called back. I was surprised when their answering system picked up, because new stores are not set up yet. It was from the Grand Junction, Colorodo store. They want to interview me for front end management. They requested May 2nd in the store. I told them I was in Ohio. They said they would find a good time to set up a phone interview and call me back. I didn’t hear back from them today. I want to be a front end manager or operations manager (which is basically the same just higher). I can’t think of anything I want more with the company.
I personally think I ruined what I had going with the Thornton store. I got impatient and e-mailed, asked if he was still considering me for a position when I had another interview with KY. He said he was, then I e-mailed him again expressing how much I wanted that position and that is when he told me he was looking into a possible other candidate.
I am not one to complain. However, something changed when I had the surgery March 29th. I don’t have the spirit I have always had. It is like something was taken from me, part of my life. It is like I am on anti-depressents, but I am not; like I am a robot, not good or bad, just moving through the motions, and am on some level ornery. I have complained more in April then I think I have complained in my life. I wonder if they triggered something in me that has been blocked for so many years. I don’t know what is going on. I will say I don’t like it. I notice it, but I don’t know how to change it and I don’t like it.
I want me back, happy, chipper, smiley, Kimberly!
On a side note, which you might have picked up on from my last entry — I am eating healthy, and exercising. I haven’t lost much weight yet, and I know it takes time. I am hoping the fact that I am only drinking water will help as well. I have read such horrible stuff about Soda’s/Cokes lately that I don’t know that I ever want to put that stuff in my body again. Maybe my body is still adjusting hormonally and physically to all the changes, and the fact that different stores call me, but they are not being specific with me on times and dates, and then I have to wait and wonder is causing me to super stress out.
I don’t know where I want to be anymore. I love Ohio! However, I want to love Colorado more. I don’t know why. I do know when I get a promotion and move (or stay here). It is where I will be. No more after this.
I need to get into my Bible, read! I need to pray that I am present in God’s will.