The Viewing

Tonight was the hardest night of my life. We had my mom’s viewing and I just broke down. I didn’t really believe she was gone until I saw her. Darryl, Ville, and I were the first to arrive. I walked into the room and froze around the third pew. I could see part of her head and I wanted to look anywhere but the casket. I couldn’t even look in that direction. Darryl grabbed my hand and I held on for dear life as we walked up to the casket. She looked like a wax figurine. She didn’t look like my mom always looked. She looked pale, washed out. I broke down and started crying. I was in denial big time. The last couple of weeks, I kept having dreams about my mom. I would reach out to her or call out to her and she would ignore me. Last night was the worst one, I was in school and when we went to the cafeteria my mom was working. I called out to her but she just walked away. It continued on with me trying to get her attention and she kept walking away. I woke up when I finally realized I was dreaming and realized what was going on. The last thing I remember is sobbing at one of the lunch tables. My eyes hurt from crying so much today and I’m once again emotionally and physically drained. I miss my mom more than I can ever express. I find myself wanting to call her because she was always the first person I called for everything. I’ll never be able to call her again. I just have no idea how to handle this. I’m so broken up and I’m scared of how I’m going to react tomorrow, knowing it’s the final goodbye. So many people came tonight and it meant so much to me. My best friend came and we just talking and laughed for an hour. It helped so much. Tomorrow morning’s going to be hard, but at least I have my family and all the friends of our family to get through it with. Sigh. I’m going to rest and hang out with my family and just get ready for tomorrow. Much love everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Rhonda Ford

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