My Heart Just Broke A Little Bit

I’m using Ville’s computer because mine is broken and I can’t bring myself to use the one that belonged to my mom. He wanted to play games, so he asked if he could use hers since they have the same games. That was their thing on Saturday mornings, he’d get up and go play computer games with Gammy. Well, he was telling me about how Unkie had helped him get to a higher level than Gammy and he informed me that he was going to help Gammy get to the next level since she’s in Heaven. I think my heart might be broken. This comes after last night. I was driving home and the song I Drive Your Truck came on the radio. For those who don’t listen to country music, it’s a song about a young man who, after his brother dies (I presume in the war since he talks about an army uniform and dogtags.) drives his brother’s truck as a means to cope with his loss. Here’s the lyrics:

Eighty-Nine Cents in the ash tray
Half empty bottle of Gatorade rolling in the floorboard
That dirty Braves cap on the dash
Dog tags hangin’ from the rear view
Old Skoal can, and cowboy boots and a Go Army Shirt folded in the back
This thing burns gas like crazy, but that’s alright
People got their ways of coping
Oh, and I’ve got mine

I drive your truck
I roll every window down
And I burn up
Every back road in this town
I find a field, I tear it up
Til all the pain’s a cloud of dust
Yeah, sometimes I drive your truck

I leave that radio playing
That same ole country station where ya left it
Yeah, man I crank it up
And you’d probably punch my arm right now
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; background-color: rgb(20

4, 204, 221);”>If you saw this tear rollin’ down on my face
Hey, man I’m tryin’ to be tough
And momma asked me this morning
If I’d been by your grave
But that flag and stone ain’t where I feel you anyway

I drive your truck
I roll every window down
And I burn up
Every back road in this town
I find a field, I tear it up
Til all the pain’s a cloud of dust
Yeah, sometimes I drive your truck

I’ve cussed, I’ve prayed, I’ve said goodbye
Shook my fist and asked God why
These days when I’m missing you this much

I drive your truck
I roll every window down
And I burn up
Every back road in this town
I find a field, I tear it up
Til all the pain’s a cloud of dust
Yeah, sometimes, brother sometimes
<br style=”border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; font-size: 13px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; text-align: center; background-color: rgb(204, 204, 221);” />
I drive your truck
I drive your truck
I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind
I drive your truck

 

The song already makes me cry my eyes out, but last night it just reminded me of my mom. I sang along until after the second chorus when he sings the lines, "I’ve cussed, I’ve prayed, I’ve said goodbye. Shook my fist and asked God why." By that point I was sobbing so hard that no sound would come out. It’s hard enough for me to get into my mom’s truck, much less drive it. I just can’t, but this song just made me think of her and how much I miss her. Today marks a month since she’s been gone. It still doesn’t feel real. 

 

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Rhonda Ford

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