Forgiveness

I’ve been asking the Lord to stir my heart and show me what’s holding me back from seeking Him fully. He’s revealed a few things, but the biggest one is unforgiveness. Towards myself. I’m pretty forgiving, but I hold myself to a higher standard, the perfectionist in me.

I’ve come to realize that I still haven’t forgiven myself for Liam’s death. Of course, logically I know it’s not my fault. At the same time, I feel like I could have, no should have done something different. How can I forgive myself for failing my son? How can I forgive myself when He blessed me with another child, but I get so frustrated with her? How can I forgive myself when I don’t deserve the two amazing kids I have?

There’s a lot of unrest in my soul today. I will have to work through this and its going hurt, but once I’m on the other side it’s going to be amazing. How can I forgive myself? I can’t, not on my own, but with Christ as my example of endless forgiveness, maybe I can learn how.