A Quickie Before Bed

I’m so exhausted it’s not even funny, yet I can’t sleep. I dream every night, usually about my mom, occasionally about other random crap. The most common theme (aside from my mom) seems to be zombies. Not sure why, but it’s been like this throughout the length of this pregnancy thus far. I barely get any sleep because I wake up several times a night from the dreams. It’s beyond frustrating. My mood has been sinking more and more lately and I feel like I’m falling into that void again. Part of it is what happened with my mom, but part of it is also where I’m at in this pregnancy. I guess I have abandonment issues, which would explain a LOT. Around this time, during my pregnancy with Ville, was when Darryl and I separated because he freaked out. I know we’re both in a much better place now, but I can’t get past feeling like something is going to happen. I’m just paranoid. He’s been 10000000 times more attentive this time around and he’s constantly reassuring me about things, but it just isn’t enough for the irrational part of my mind. Of course, this weekend isn’t helping at all. The boys are spending the weekend at his mom’s and I’m at home because he’s working in the morning and needs a ride from his mom since I can’t leave work to take him. He took Ville because his mom wants to spend some time with him and to give me a break. While that’s nice, right now I need them more than I need to be away from them. I’ve been super clingy since getting pregnant and it’s been even worse since my mom died. I just need a nice long cuddle or something to calm me down. Ugh. My family waits until all hours of the night to cook and now it’s making me hungry. Better get to sleep before I decide to stay up all night and eat everything in the house. Much love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Rhonda Ford

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