daddys little girl

Her name was Angela, so named for her grandmother whom she never met. I remember her long black hair, how soft it was and how it shone silver in the sunlight.

Her name was Angela so named for the angels that made her possible. Her mother was thought to be baron and I well, I was simply too old. And yet she graced us with her presence and cheered to weary souls.

I watched her as she grew for seven years, her personality forming in ever radiant ways. I saw her become a person, evolving into a young lady. She was the grand miracle, the ever postulate reminder that even for a man like myself, there would still be hope of immortality.

Two months after her seventh birthday, my Angela fell ill. We took her to the finest healers. There was no cost too high to cure her illness. It was my existence to save her.

One night as I set by the fire in my home, I looked up to see her standing there in the doorway. She looked so vital then, so alive and yet so very sad. I asked why she was up instead of resting with her mother and her reply was astounding.

I had a dream. She replied. The angels told me that I should go to you and try to ease your pain. They said that you were sad for me and that I could not sleep until you were free of your sadness.

It was only a dream. I replied, and smiled weakly trying to hide the pain.

Do you remember what you said to me on my birthday? She asked as she climbed into my lap.

I said many things. I answered wrapping her inside my arms to keep her warm.

You told me that for many years you wanted a child and that one night god heard your prayers and gave me to you. You said that you named me for the angels that brought me to you and you were thankful to them for it.

Yes. I struggled with the word. It was inconceivable that she could remember all that, word for word from such a longtime ago.

They told me that now I have to go back with them. They said it is not your fault and that you did nothing wrong. They said that your love and kindness to me and to god was more than anyone had bore for a very long time.

They also told me, that there is no cure for my illness and that by trying to cure it is only causing more and more pain. They said that if I went with them, we would all be together soon and we would all be happy.

My vanity was there was between myself and a torrent of tears begging to flow at her maturity and perfect wonder on that night. I sat staring into the fire, cursing prayers at god, begging for a reprieve and a reason for the utter lamentation of my wretched soul.

I threw prayer at him, as a man with a gun throws bullets at the enemy. I cast bargain after bargain in all directions hoping against hope that one would find him or any god willing to listen and save my daughter’s life for me. No one was there.

She asked me to tell her a story, her favorite story from the bible, of how God made man in his image, and that it was a perfect creation, of how for many years Adam and Eve would walk around naming animals and trees fishes and birds.

We fell asleep in my chair to the dying light and embers of the fire. It was the last time that I would hold her in my arms. The illness crept in, like a thief in the night and stole the life I had so rigorously strove to create.

The world my wife and I had lived in was no more. Her world moved away from me, to where I am uncertain. I do know that could only be a better place than the one she left behind.

My world stayed exactly where it was from that night forward. I struggled so with the reasoning of it. I could not move one hour passed the death of my little girl. I burned the chair that we would set in, walled up the fireplace that we had so enjoyed and wandered the house as a pet will looking for the one person it cannot live without. So great was my suffering that it bordered on the brink of madness.

I would not sleep. It came only after all my energy was spent and it was tortured and rotten and vengeful. I would often wake in total and complete hatred of the one true god, so much so that I would rampage throughout the house, destroying everything in my grasp, save for the things that belonged to her.

I sat in a room, empty and hollow. The light of the day cast an amber glow on the walls and the air. I saw a shadow pass over me and turned to follow it. So completely exhausted I could barely stand.

I fell in the room where the chair had been, and the fireplace succumbing to the will of my last heartbeats. Thump, thump, thump.

Daddy. I heard her whisper in my ear.

Daddy wake up.

Oh dear lord in heaven I had such a terrible dream! I rejoiced.

It was no a dream. She whispered again, her voice so calming to the horror of my soul.

Do you remember what I said to you the night I died? She asked.

I sat up in the room, my eyes filled with the tears of memory, the flooding awe of futility. I had relived that night a thousand times, and a thousand times again, only to awaken to the same conclusion of that night.

Daddy. She whispered calming the maelstrom that raged within.

Daddy, I’m fine. I’m with the angels now, there is no pain, save for yours. Daddy I love you, but you have to let me go. I cannot move on until you let me go.

I looked down into my arms and her little body lay there as it had that night, she was so peaceful, so happy. I could feel my anger fade and the love I once carried for her build at the sight of her in my arms.

She began to glow and rise from me. I sat and watched through tear stained eyes as she was taken in hand by three glorious beings of dazzling blue and gold. And I felt that part of my heart, which was her, the part so jealously guarded and locked away, go with her, only to be replaced by a warm, hollow void, in which my anger fell into.

I woke, slowly and confused. The thing that was within me was gone and even though I could not reason, I knew.

It was then that there was a knock on the door. My wife had returned to tell me of how our daughter had come to her in a dream and asked her to come and see me.

My Angela named for her grandmother she never met and for the angels that spared my life and my soul. You were and are the best of my existence, the very core of my soul. I love you and miss you and hope that you are sleeping well tonight in the arms of the angels, I’ll see you soon.