First Day Writing

Okay so, all of my diary entries start off with, “okay so”. I don’t know why, it’s just kind of my thing. Firstly, I got this weird trust issue thing going on too. I’m going to explain it.
One of my close relatives has cancer, but let me tell you about this relative or more or less: our relationship. She likes to manipulate every situation so that she comes out on top. She likes to break me down so I have to question my every move. And then I’m stuck. I know that doesn’t make sense, but bare with me. I had recently moved out because I thought I was going to go crazy if I stayed. And that’s putting it lightly. My life was great when I moved out. I got more done when I was living with my friend, then I did living with this relative in a week.
I found out this relative had cancer. Warning this will sound insensitive. All I could think about is “fuck, she found another way to make herself the victim”. Now listen I don’t hate this relative, I just strongly dislike her personality. Also, the way she tries control every second of my life.
I don’t trust anyone or anything. Everything always has a reason. I feel like a bad person, but I know there’s nothing I can do about anything. Nvm I probably sound retarded. I can’t form my words. I hope everyone has a beautiful year <3