sad – edited

I’m depressed. I’m so angry all the time. This had better be PMS. It’s getting out of hand. I’m going to the doctor to ask for meds. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking that all mommy did was hide from them in her room or yell at them all the time. It’s the noise they make and the mess and the constant constant CONSTANT need of me. I know they are really just babies but a break would be nice.  And I’m so tired when I get home from work. I think it’s time for a full medical physical at the doctor’s office. Maybe there’s something else wrong. I took a pregnancy test again last night. I thought maybe my horrible mood swings and evening nausea could mean I was pregnant. My cycle is so irregular. I haven’t had a period since early December. Nope not pregnant. Which is good because I still have that IUD and getting pregnant with that in place could be bad. Nathan does help, but it never seems to be enough.

I’m upset because the animal rescue orginization I wrote about entries ago has not answered my emails for phone call. I understand if the dog has already been adopted. That’s actually great. But common courtesy dictates that some kind of response to my inquiry is needed.

I’m upset because I feel abused in my job. Both of the owners are in this week and I have a STACK of actual work to do for the company and instead of doing that, I’m returning shoes to Eddie Bauer and typing up long lists of palm plants. I’m really beginning to hate my job. I don’t want to do this forever. It’s boring and I honestly just am sick to death of doing it. Not just the personal assistant stuff, but the actual technical writing stuff.

I’m upset because my hair is a royal mess. I wanted a swing bob and the girl gave me a reverse mullet almost. I cut the bottom layer to the top layer and now I look like I have a bowl cut, but it’s better than it was before.
I am fucking SICK of the cold weather. I’m going to have a serious talk about moving some place warmer with my husband. I don’t think I can take this anymore. Maybe, just maybe, I could convince Nathan to take me on a short vacation to some place warm. But, he’d complain and say no because of the cost.
I need something good. Something positive. There’s the usual – two beautiful boys, a great husband, etc. That helps. But I need an unrelated happy thought. Even my Adam Pascal happy thought isn’t pulling me through right now.
Gah. Toe Rag is throwing a fit right now. I’ll have to write more later when he’s not here.
EDIT

My sister just emailed me and asked if I could pick up her daughter (again) tonight. She wrote, "I have client coming by to figure out sales tax.  I may need to stay a little late.  Can you grab Tesia?  I will call you if I don’t need you to grab her.  Thanks."

The following is what I originally wrote: 

I understand that it is a client and it is important for you to get them taken care of. But please try not to be too late (as in try to be home to get her by 6:30ish). I’ve had a really rotten day and a not-so-great week and am not sure how much more I can handle at the moment. I’m pretty unstable – and that is just a horrible ugly truth. I hate to dump that on you, but there it is.  

However, this is what I sent to her, "Sure."