Ouch – edited

Edit: Ugh. Sometimes typing on a tablet sucks.
 

Nobody can hurt your feelings quite like your family. My mom went on and on about how she wanted to read my first book when I finished writing it. I gave her a copy a YEAR ago. A YEAR AGO.  I went over to her house yesterday to drop off a present for my niece and she hands me back the copy. 

She says, "I didn’t read it."

Cue the punch to my gut.

I take the book from her and turn quickly away and put the copy in my bag so she can’t see the hurt in my eyes. 

An awkward moment passes and she asks, "Do you want me to read it?" She knows she has just hurt me.

"No, Mom.  It’s OK. I’ve already done a bunch of editing since I gave this copy to you."

In my head, I was thinking, "I wouldn’t have given it to you if I didn’t want you to read it."

I am a convincing liar.

I told her how hard it was for me to put my book out there. To trust her with that piece of my soul. 

And she crushed it.  

She knows how important writing and my books mean to me. Her rejection hurt more than anything I’ve ever really felt.

She’s my mother. I love her but I don’t think she really knows who I am.