An interesting survey – A Jar of Ballons, V1

Survey by James Ensor:
I recently read a poem called A Jar of Balloons, or The Uncooked Rice by Matthew Yeager, in which every single line was a question. It was an interesting exercise in narrative and reader involvement.
One of the things that struck me about the poem was how many of the questions were thought-provoking, different from most survey fodder out there.
So I plucked out my favorites, in the hopes of creating an interesting time killer. Enjoy! Thank you, won’t you?
A Jar of Balloons Survey, Volume 1 (There will definitely be others lately.)
 

1.) Have you ever had a haircut so bad you cried? 
Yes. Five years ago right before the big sales banquet at my office. I went to get a cute little “shag” cut like Meg Ryan in “You Have Mail.” The girl BUTCHERED it and the only cure was a terrible pixie type cut. I looked awful.

2.) When you open the drawer after having poured yourself a bowl of cereal, do you reach for a small or a large spoon?
Small spoon. The big ones are weird to eat with.

3.) Have you ever quit a bad job emphatically, ripped off a uniform or apron, thrown the balled-up cloth at a superior, then stomped off?
Yes. It was right before my shift was to start (and I was an Assistant Manager). I walked in the door during a busy period with all of my keys and uniforms, threw them on the counter and said, “Have fun tonight, I quit!” It felt great.

4.) How much cash do you like to carry?
I usually only carry about $10. I use my cards for everything.

5.) One large winter coat or layers?
Layers and a large coat.

6.) If you cross paths with someone walking a dog, do you talk first to the person or the dog?
I talk to the person first. I never pet a strange dog (I’ve been bitten before). But, if I’m in a pet store, I’ll talk to the dog first.

7.) Can you accurately size up the square footage in a room?
Not at all.

8.) Are you quick with your wit, or do comebacks tend always to arrive hours later?
Both. Some of my friends think I’m really witty. And sometimes I am. But usually, it’s hours later when I come up with something REALLY good to say.

9.) Do you keep your photos in albums or shoeboxes?
Albums for the most part.

10.) Have you gravitated, traditionally, toward the top or the bottom bunk?
Bottom bunk.

11.) Do you own any pieces of monogrammed attire?
I do. I have a sweatshirt with my name on it from color guard.

12.) When a friend begins telling a story he’s already told you, do you let him go, or let him know?
Depends on the story. If it’s dull I say, “I remember when you told me that, it was so (insert adjective).”

13.) When making a shooting-yourself gesture, do you do the gun barrel with two fingers or one? Do you insert the finger-gun into your mouth or press it to your temple?
 I have a one finger barrel and it goes into the side of my temple.

14.) When driving by cows, do you give in to the urge to moo?
Always. And sometimes I do.

15.) Are you accurate at guessing people’s weights and ages? Do you take into consideration their feelings when guessing?
No. I’m actually horrible at this so I always guess young and light.

16.) Look at your fingernails: did you just stretch out all five fingers, palm out, or did you fold your fingers down over your inward facing palm?
All 5 fingers palm out.

17.) Do you have a system when it comes to pockets, or do you blindly dump in coins, lighter, i-pod, phone, smokes, etc., then fish around each time?
I don’t usually have anything in my pockets, but if I’m going without my purse, my cards go in the back and money and phones in the sides all mixed together.

18.) When eating bananas, do you peel them nude at the outset or peel as you eat?
Peel as I eat.

19.) What famous landmarks have you found especially disappointing?
Hollywood was gross and filthy.

20.) Which do you (or would you) find more embarrassing: crying in public by yourself on a bench or laughing out loud in public by yourself on a bench?
The crying. If you laugh, it generally makes other people smile. Crying gets you scared looks.

21.) Do you measure distance in miles or minutes?
If it’s far away, minutes. If it’s close, miles. It’s 5 miles to my office, but 7 hours to my grandmother’s house.

22.) Do you imagine sleep as a kind of rising (you are a basket being pulled gently up in a hot air balloon) or as a kind of sinking (you are a flat stone no longer skipping, disappearing through layers of lake)?
Sleep is sinking.

23.) How many different bathrooms would you say you use on a given day? Are there bathrooms, (not your own) that you consider a pleasure to use, even look forward to using?
3 bathrooms on a given day. No bathroom is a pleasure for me except my own.

24.) What’s the strangest non-food item you swallowed as a kid?
I swallowed a penny, but that’s actually pretty common. I wasn’t big on putting things in my mouth, so that’s all I got.

25.) How do you show love to what is yours, by wearing it in or attempting to keep it pristine?
If I love it, I use it if it can be used. But, once it gets to a certain point, I just try to keep it in decent shape (like stuffed animals or hand-made items).