There’s A Lot I Know I Should Do

Wow, I’m listening to the radio right now….Mariah Carey’s "Always Be My Baby" is playing. I haven’t heard that song in years….since I was really little. Sometimes I really miss my youth. I miss the times when my parents really didn’t seem that bad. When my parents were nice…when they trusted me.

I know I should talk to my parents more. I know this is something that I should do more, but how do you when you feel such animosity in between? They kept me from truly living and experiencing different things on my own. I don’t need trainer wheels on my bike anymore….I can ride a real bike without help now. I want to talk to my parents, but I don’t know what to say. I feel like they will shoot me down no matter what I say.

I know I need to write my grandparents more often. I know that one of them is going to die within the nearby future, I don’t know which one, or when, but I just feel that it will happen in a few years. It’s depressing, but I really want to talk to them. I’m a terrible person because I don’t have an excuse not to write to them, or call them. I could say, "I’m too busy," but then how the hell did I get the time to write in my diary? I have time, I just don’t always use it the way I should.

I NEEEED to exercise more. I’m getting fatter by the days…I mean, I’m not FAT fat yet…but I have a gut forming, and I play In The Groove, but apparently it’s not enough. I swim irregularly to prepare myself for the college swim team, round 2. I am so unmotivated to swim anymore though…I mean, I swam for 10 years consecutively…and competitively. I just feel so burnt out. The only reason why I’m giving college swimming a second try is 1) To try to keep in better shape, 2) to meet new people and hopefully make some new friends, and 3) to give me something other than school to do during the day.

Soooo, I’m not too serious about the whole swimming then. I don’t know what will happen at swim meets…I’ll get so nervous, because I won’t be wanting to race, I just want to keep in shape and have fun. *Shrug* I don’t know anymore.

I need to care more about my schoolwork. I’m such a procrastinator and it’s terrible. I write in this diary when I am avoiding doing something. I can’t stand homework. I wish I could just learn materials and not have anything to do when I get back from school. I want to relax with my fiance and read…FOR FUN! Shocking how school can sap the fun out of recreational reading. I’m such a slow reader…I get so distracted when I read because I know that I should be doing other things. It’s really frustrating, but I really should stop putting things off and get shit done. It’s just hard to know where to starts.

Having said all these things, I think I will go and try to accomplish all four things today…and still have time to get my hair trimmed…which is WAY overdue 😀