tbh

tbh, i’ve never been put in what feels like such an impossible situation until recently

i’ve been living alone since literally turning 18 and only recently has it become impossible to support myself. work isn’t giving me enough hours per week to be able to comfortably pay my rent and bills AND feed myself and pay for any necessities, it’s been extra hard. plus with the cold months recently i’ve been exclusively warming myself with hot water bottles and avoiding turning my heating on, which usually means that during days off i spend more time than i should in bed just because it keeps me warm.

i’m not necessarily struggling or anything, but my financial situation has been cutting it real close to the point of struggling.

on top of this i haven’t been able to see my bf in some time, which as it stands, is my only support system as i don’t have any family in close vicinity since they live some hours away, and i can’t exactly afford to travel via train for such long journeys to see them as often as i’d like (as it stands, it’s been a year since i’ve seen my immediate family).

so basically, lack of a support system, lack of hours at work and therefore lack of money, i’m basically spending my days manically cleaning my flat and sleeping on my days off in hopes that things soon look up. if not i’m otherwise a bottle a wine down and spending my evenings and nights frantically ranting to my colleagues about how shit things are

in terms of mental health, i’ve not exactly been thriving, but in general, i’m not exactly in the shittiest of situations ever, my finances are just cutting it real fuckin close this month and i’ve never been put in a situation like this, even though i’ve never been exactly “rich” since living alone. it’s just intimidating having to look at my bank account and calculate what i’ll have left when my bills and rent come out in the next week and having the bare minimum left

i am absolutely talking shit in this post but like atp i can’t even formulate my thoughts into a proper sentence because tbh i’m just pissed off with my work. it’s not a matter of me not wanting to work, i want to, but instead they’re giving the available hours out to temporary people working over the christmas period, and i am already working 12 hour shifts every once in a while, pretty much asking my co-workers to swap finish times so that i can get some extra hours for the week, even then if management catches onto it they won’t be too happy about it because we aren’t technically supposed to be working more than 9 hours per day, with at least a 12 hr gap between shifts but atp i don’t even care just give me the fuckin hours.

i don’t have any issues functioning on little sleep, in fact sometimes i even function better because if i sleep less than 3 hrs my brain is wide awake, and if i’m working an early opening shift i just think “let’s fuckin get this done” and i’m absolutely fine

i was working full time with like 25-40 hr weeks over the summer so why is it suddenly an issue to give me the hours that i’m away from university for a month? i informed them weeks in advance when i’d be able to work full time again and yet i’m being scheduled for 3 days this week ??????????

honestly,

i’m complaining about work but my main concern is my relationship.

i’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years as of october of this year and the time we’ve had together has continued to slip and slip.

i’m not concerned about myself when it comes to this relationship because i am just as in love with him as i ever have been, but in the back of my mind, because we function on completely different schedules (he works night shifts and sometimes day shifts in the same day, while i work day shifts mostly) i’m like practically pulling my hair out here to make sure that our relationship continues to work and i might just crash out

anyways

goodnight